Phone actually died on me, so I was able to say that. Worked out well. She explained today during exchange of our D that she felt like I was ghosting her, not here for her, etc. So confusing when, in the same conversation, she said she was uncomfortable with how close I was sitting to her.
It was a calm meet up with some family time at a park. She agreed to another 'family date' tomorrow night at a restaurant, but I will allow her to bring it up tomorrow. I've noticed these pre-planned events are usually the ones she tries to back out of, so if she just drops off our D after I'm done at work, I'll just roll with it.
I've noticed these pre-planned events are usually the ones she tries to back out of, so if she just drops off our D after I'm done at work, I'll just roll with it.
Back out first.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
So tonight, we planned to have dinner out together with our D. She confirmed via text today saying "Hello! Are we still doing family dinner tonight?". I replied "Yeah that sounds good!". After this, she did her daily check in:
W: How is work? Me: It's okay, thanks W: Just okay? Me: Yeah W: Everything okay? Me: I'll be fine W: Just having a hard day? Me: I'll be okay W: Okay
You're saying I should just back out of the dinner tonight?
Do you think being mopey and saying you are having a hard day is attractive or unattractive?
Unattractive, of course. I'm trying to apply what I'm learning here with the closed-ended answers. Should I be just saying "I'm doing great!" after waiting a while or what? I tried to keep the answers fairly neutral but when she outright says "...having a hard day?" it's like she's testing me and I'm having trouble scoring higher than about a D-average here.
Originally Posted by LH19
Why are you having family time when she fired you as her husband? Do you enjoy the friend zone?
Because I'm having an overwhelmingly difficult time detaching from my W in situations where I see it being beneficial to my D. My D likes to go out to eat, my W says she wants to go out on dates, and our family time is, for the most part, positive.
Originally Posted by LH19
If you want this to turn around she has to miss you. Only way for that to happen is time and space.
I'll cancel on dinner tonight. She is dropping off my D in about 2 hours. We are signing our parenting plan document and then I'll just let her know that I'll pass on dinner tonight.
When we were first dating, I was definitely in her friend zone. We knew each other two years before dating and it's tough to do the opposite now, as I pursued her HARD at the beginning of our relationship and it was what got her to come around and give me a shot.
Also, when she has left in the past and returned, she has always thanked me for fighting so hard for her in the aftermath. These behaviors I have are something that has been reinforced over our entire relationship, and this is why I'm having such a rough time with this.
Not sure how to cancel on dinner face-to-face without it sounding mopey or sad given we will have just signed the parenting plan. I don't want to be mean, but she IS going to question why I want to cancel... and aside from saying I'm short on money (she might say it's on her, then), I'm having trouble coming up with a good way out.
Sorry this is late notice but something came up and I can’t make dinner.
She is driving our D over, we are signing paperwork in person, and we were driving in one car to get dinner. She knows I have my D tonight so you can see the bind I'm in. I honestly feel sick to my stomach given the paperwork signing... I don't wanna sound like I'm bailing because I'm ill... but it wouldn't really be a lie - I have zero appetite at the moment.
