I decided to move over here from the MLC section as I haven't been trying to save my marriage for a long time now. I knew it at OM2 (the guy that gets Vegas prostitutes) but I needed more time. It felt really good to lean into the hopelessness and not think of it as bad. I had it backwards beating myself up with hope, I hope she wakes up, stops cheating, whatever else. She's not going to. I do wish her well but it's different.
I took a long break from here and have been trying to focus on myself and kids. I stumbled across CEN and it fits me well. I felt really exposed for awhile and I've been trying to work on things myself but I think I may try to go back to a therapist at some point. I didn't care for the last one I tried after my therapist moved and the cost adds up quick.
I really wonder if xw is a narcissist, if she always has been or if it is just now, but narcissist discard fits well too. Some of the things she said at that time, she may have been being an honest narcissist. Ending everything instantly with no working on anything, devaluing everything about me, telling me I was a project, telling me I had too much respect for women and she just wants to get f***'d (this one haunts me), affairs, spending, how I wasn't good enough, surprise mediation 2 days before Christmas, telling me she was going to get my kids taken away from me, on and on. And the fact that I didn't or won't get any closure, no apology (IDT she is sorry), nothing, points me towards thinking that. She also has some sort of knack or connection for knowing if I'm having a good time, when I was talking to the lady I liked, etc. and will text, often seemingly to try to get a reaction. Her and her bf take bimonthly vacations and IDK if it's me being too sensitive but she will send the kids over with something on from where she went and things like that. Last week she was talking to one of her cheerleaders about her bday vacation this weekend right near me where I could hear and I think she is expecting to get engaged soon. I don't understand why she would do that. I'm over her and don't care but I do worry that if she decides to monster again that she will have money but I try not to worry about that and get along the best I can. Since they seem to follow a theme here should I expect her to get nasty again if she does remarry? I'm thinking full time mom would hamper her lifestyle so I'm not worrying now but it is in the back of my mind.
Trying not to talk about ex but I'm going to get this out too even though it was awhile ago. She started giving S gluten and they were hiding it from me. After how far he came with his ASD I couldn't believe it. She lied and tried to say she just started when I found out but so much clicked and I know it had been about a year. So she was teaching them to hide things from me like I'm crazy, and then if I do rightfully get upset it will get turned on me. We reintroduced dairy and he was okay but since she just did it herself I didn't have a chance to journal/have a baseline for his behavior so IDK if some of the problems during that time were related or not. Thankfully he seems to be doing okay with it.
I still haven't had any relationships. It's kind of strange, it's not that I don't want one but I'm feeling lost and don't even know where to begin. I would love for my kids to have an example of a healthy relationship but I think I need to do more self work but when I am I good enough? I just don't feel like I have a lot to offer someone. Some days I know that isn't true and others I really seem to feel that way.
Welcome. It sounds like your ex-wife is putting you through the wringer. I think it's fairly typical of the ex-spouse to vilify the LBS. I'm sorry you're going through that stuff right now, but it'll eventually get better.
Regarding dating, after my divorce I was gung-ho to get out and date. I quickly found out that dating wasn't all that I'd hoped it would be. After that initial period of dating, I started focusing my sons and doing things that I like to do, and I have to say, I've been happier taking that approach.
Thanks doodler. From what I wrote it sounds like a lot but I’m doing well and all of what I wrote about except the recent trip is in the stb far past. We’re getting along well for the most part, even joking with each other again. I see her every day of every other week at a minimum and we usually speak for a few minutes. It is odd she will still tell me family issues, ask car advice, and personal things. Last week she told me a story from her childhood. I do feel really bad for her and hope she can help herself.
I’m not in a hurry to date again but it has been 4 years since things went sour. I do need to focus more on what I like to do. I do too much people pleasing, even w/my kids.
I decided to move over here from the MLC section as I haven't been trying to save my marriage for a long time now. I knew it at OM2 (the guy that gets Vegas prostitutes) but I needed more time. It felt really good to lean into the hopelessness and not think of it as bad. I had it backwards beating myself up with hope, I hope she wakes up, stops cheating, whatever else. She's not going to. I do wish her well but it's different.
Welcome to the dark side, lol. j/k. All that you said about your ex ... I remember you going through it. I remember my exh doing his version of the same. I swear these people have a secret club and once they learn the super secret squirrel password and get the decoder ring, they also get a script because they ALL use the same tired, worn out, BS lines.
Originally Posted by Kyh
Trying not to talk about ex but I'm going to get this out too even though it was awhile ago. She started giving S gluten and they were hiding it from me. After how far he came with his ASD I couldn't believe it. She lied and tried to say she just started when I found out but so much clicked and I know it had been about a year. So she was teaching them to hide things from me like I'm crazy, and then if I do rightfully get upset it will get turned on me. We reintroduced dairy and he was okay but since she just did it herself I didn't have a chance to journal/have a baseline for his behavior so IDK if some of the problems during that time were related or not. Thankfully he seems to be doing okay with it.
Do you still have the guardian ad litem in place? This is NOT ok.
Originally Posted by Kyh
I still haven't had any relationships. It's kind of strange, it's not that I don't want one but I'm feeling lost and don't even know where to begin. I would love for my kids to have an example of a healthy relationship but I think I need to do more self work but when I am I good enough? I just don't feel like I have a lot to offer someone. Some days I know that isn't true and others I really seem to feel that way.
From what I can tell this part takes a while, and is different for everybody.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
We don’t have the guardian ad litem on retainer anymore and didn’t put anything in the decree. I wrote it all down in the same journal I kept throughout the good old days just in case but it was over before I knew about it. I learned a lesson and thankfully s seems to be doing alright with it now because it would be terrible going back now.
Regarding relationships and you wondering when you are “good enough,” that comment your wife made that you have too much respect for women, made me want to reach out and say you are always good enough! I would kill for a guy who had too much respect for women!!! And there are lots of with-it, attractive women who are looking for guys with that quality.
There was a point where I separated myself from it all too. It all went way too left field for me. Suddenly my ex’s type was bimbo. And he went so far as to tell me I needed to be less intelligent to save the marriage! I was always highly educated and he knew that when he chose to marry me and stay with me for 18 years. He changed.
These are her issues, not yours.
From what I recall, you had a lot of hobbies at home. Maybe you should consider taking on something outside of home? A sports team? It might be good for you in various ways. It helped me heal. After years of being told everything I was not/being projected onto, people were always telling me positive things about myself.
Stay positive! You are the prize.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Thanks, it's strange with all that has happened but I still sometimes have to remind myself she isn't the person I knew.
Originally Posted by HaWho
Kyh - it’s nice to hear an update from you.
Regarding relationships and you wondering when you are “good enough,” that comment your wife made that you have too much respect for women, made me want to reach out and say you are always good enough! I would kill for a guy who had too much respect for women!!! And there are lots of with-it, attractive women who are looking for guys with that quality.
There was a point where I separated myself from it all too. It all went way too left field for me. Suddenly my ex’s type was bimbo. And he went so far as to tell me I needed to be less intelligent to save the marriage! I was always highly educated and he knew that when he chose to marry me and stay with me for 18 years. He changed.
These are her issues, not yours.
From what I recall, you had a lot of hobbies at home. Maybe you should consider taking on something outside of home? A sports team? It might be good for you in various ways. It helped me heal. After years of being told everything I was not/being projected onto, people were always telling me positive things about myself.
Stay positive! You are the prize.
Hi HaWho, it's good to hear from you. I hope you and your boys are doing well.
Thank you for your reply. IDT I ever posted that before, but that is one of the few things that really got my self confidence that I haven't shook yet. I can laugh at a lot of what she said or did now but there are still those few things that really hurt. When I read "these are her issues" in your post, relating it to the last book I read, it occurred to me that maybe xw doesn't/didn't think she deserved respect. I do feel bad for her.
There's not much less attractive than a bimbo, especially as the mother of your children. They really do go off the deep end.
I've been having neck trouble which has really slowed me down. My doctor told me not to run anymore so it limits my physical activity quite a bit. I've thought about doing yoga somewhere (like getting in shape to start going to the gym, I've stuck with it almost daily for over a year so I think I could now lol) but I need my work to slow down. I've been out of town every other week when I don't have my kids all summer so I don't see a point in it right now. I do need to figure out more socially, I was trying to be active in the single parents group, hopefully it will pick back up. I've always struggled with this but moving right before the BD has made it even harder.
Happy New Year everyone! Im not big on resolutions but I made a few this year. Drink more water, call my grandparents more often, and get outdoors more.
I’m catching up on some needed rest after a stressful holiday season but I’m doing good. I still have those days but not too often and they’re short lived. I didn’t realize how long it had been since I posted but not much going on with me. Dealing w/ex on the regular can be stressful at times but things are usually okay. I’ve seen some craaazy from time to time and I’m so glad to be detached and away from it.
S is having a hard time w/school this year but D is doing good. Thankfully S has a great teacher who works with us and keeps on top of things. Ex has been pretty good coparenting but I see her project her childhood onto them quite a bit, good and bad. Ive had to tell her she doesn’t know how the kids feel repeatedly and also that her childhood was no baseline for a parenting example.
That’s about all I have for an update. I think about many of you often and hope everyone is doing good and has a great 2020!
I am so glad you came by and posted an update. Your resolutions sound like some easy ones and they are all about you and things you can control.
Sounds like things are still going okay. I'm sorry our S is having a hard time w/school. If he likes his teacher, that is a plus and she's willing to help him. Glad to hear that D is doing well.
You are trying to rationalize w/someone who can't or won't hear what you are saying about her childhood and projecting it on to her own children. Kyh, you are great father and you are doing all that you can for your children. They know you are there for them.
Hang in there! Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I was posting in the lockdown thread but thought I'd move over to my own. The kids and I are doing good, thankfully we fought off the covid virus and are doing good but it has been like living with raccoons in the house lol. I got an order from the health dept. that we have to stay in quarantine 1 more week. My symptoms were mostly mild except a tight chest and a strange cough like I've never experienced, super dry and burning with no productivity at all. Ex described the same thing to me tonight so she has it too, she didn't sound too good so she's going to check in periodically. The symptoms also seemed to come and go over short periods. Thankfully it didn't affect the kids as much. I was worried about S because of the pneumonia/surgery a couple years ago but he never had chest pain or cough. I haven't done any cardio yet but I'm betting things aren't going to be the same, my chest just feels a little different now.
I have almost daily contact w/ex (before quarantine) and multiple times a day on the phone the last couple weeks which has been good for the most part. She has snapped and yelled at me a couple times lately from being stressed but has apologized immediately (I don't react), so that's something new. There's a lot of anger right under the surface but I think she's trying. She mentions counseling a lot and I think it's helping. I suspect she broke up with her bf as she was really out of sorts for a little bit. She also told me right before the outbreak that she thought she had cancer and was making an appointment but didn't once things started going crazy. She was really worried and now seems to be sticking her head in the sand about it. From what she told me she should be worried. IDK what to do but I bother her about it often. I'm thinking about saying something to ex step mil or ex mil because I think I may be the only one she has told.
Other than being sick we're doing good. We're starting to get some plans for school and structure to get the kids back on track as much as possible but from the looks of things they're going to be online the rest of the year.
I'm glad you posted an update. I had to chuckle about your comment "living like racoons". I think we all are feeling that way these days. People are out "hunting for food, toilet paper and paper towels" in my area.
I am glad that you and your children are doing okay and survived the worse of the virus. Sorry to hear that your xw is suffering from the symptoms at the moment. Hope she is taking care of herself and staying in isolation.
Hang in there and keep posting to let us know that you and the kids are doing okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The kids and I are doing good, no symptoms popping back up so I'm thinking we're good. Ex is still sick and sounded bad this morning. She told me she was alone so we've been checking in to make sure she is okay. Hopefully she will be over the hump soon.
I'm hearing a lot of parents say similar things from their houses with their little ones. I'm glad you three are doing better. I hope ex feels better soon and follows up on the potential cancer. Keep posting xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Just following up, we’re doing good here and it looks like we’re in the clear. It was quite strange going out this week since things were mostly normal when I went into quarantine. We had someone quit and another retire so I’ve been slammed with work while other things are backing up but I can’t complain in times like this.
Ex has had lots of contact through this and she’s been friendly. After she picked up the kids she texted me thanking me for being a good dad. That’s quite a turnaround from a couple years ago. Maybe everything going on has made her reflect a little.
Glad to hear that all of you are doing well. I'm sure you had a lot of work to catch up on...but you'll get things back up and running and on time.
I'm also glad that your xw has acknowledged that you are a good dad and continue to be so. I think we all have had some time to reflect on life, past and present and who knows...maybe she's finally realizing that life is short and need to make amends and acknowledge you for all you have done, past and present for her and the children.
Happy Easter to you and your little ones!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Greetings from Coocoobananaville, it’s been awhile since I posted but I still check in here from time to time and mean to post but it doesn’t happen and I have some time in the airport today. . I’m doing good but it’s been a rough year, my ex step mother in law just passed away from glastioblastoma and it’s been a stressful last month. It’s hitting me really hard, she was such a great person and made me a better person just knowing her. It’s making me tear up think about her.
Ex has been with her helping and I’ve had the kids and weve been making weekends etc work. We’re getting along but I could see she was on edge when we talked. The night after she passed I called to check on ex, she was drunk and nice to me when I could hear people in the background, then she went into another room and let loose, it was bomb drop again, saying same exact stuff as when our friend died and she would t stop. Same exact stuff to the tee on repeat. How I wasn’t there for her again and comparing me to her parents. It was so crazy, I ended up yelling back at her when she started attacking my parenting and then telling me not to tell the kids any of my hippie crap. She calmed down a little and apologized but kept it up until ex step fil knocked and asked to talk to me, then I was so upset I could barely talk. I wonder if he heard and came to stop her. She apologized a couple times the next day but now I’m anxious again, about everything with her even though we’re getting along. To make it worse, guess who showed up at the funeral, om1!, it was super awkward. Ex Thankfully I thought it was her last bf, and couldn’t figure out why he was being weird around me until I put it together on my drive home. I’m glad I didn’t put it together before, I have a lot of anger towards that greasy weasel and it was better I didn’t realize it until later. I showed up to the reception w/son but wanted to leave as I felt uncomfortable. Ex showed up after we had been there awhile and I told her I was leaving, she kept asking why and told om1 she was walking me out. On the way she apologized and said he just showed up, and told me how ex smil didn’t like him and how she loved me, it was al just weird and opened up some wounds but that’s an affair for ya, and better to be cheated on than the cheater. The next day she called to see how I was and asked why I left and said she asked me to stay, I know she’s really upset right now but really!? We’re getting along still but I’m anxious again, I don’t want to repeat anything similar to 5 years ago. Hopefully things calm back down, thank god I found meditation.
I feel better just getting that out, I’ve been holding it in since the weekend.
I forgot she also told me she me she loved me after the argument, I didnt know what to say but we talked for awhile. I feel bad not saying it back, she’s hurting so bad.
Sure, you're sorry she feels bad and her fantasy life isn't working out and she realizes she messed up by leaving a good guy behind - fine. But do not let yourself get pulled back into anything with someone that unstable and let's face it, selfish. The things she said to you are pretty unforgiveable. And she doesn't sound like she's come to some mature understanding and acceptance of what she did wrong - she's just looking for someone to ease her pain and right now she thinks that might be you.
Really sorry for your loss Kyh. Hope things improves soon.
“Better to be cheated on than be the cheater.” That resonated with me. 100%. It hurts like h3ll but once all the dust settles, the LBS can hold their head up high knowing they were true to their vows. I’m with KML and Bttrfly...do not get on that crazy train again. It doesn’t go anywhere you want to be. (((HUGS)))
Yeah, I’ve always thought that. As painful as it was, I’m pretty sure I’d much rather go through being the LBS again than live in my ex’s itchy skin. Any day.
My condolences on your loss. As for the crazy makings, please do not get sucked in by drinking whatever Kool-Aid is being served up. I do hope that things will settle down and improve for you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sure, you're sorry she feels bad and her fantasy life isn't working out and she realizes she messed up by leaving a good guy behind - fine. But do not let yourself get pulled back into anything with someone that unstable and let's face it, selfish. The things she said to you are pretty unforgiveable. And she doesn't sound like she's come to some mature understanding and acceptance of what she did wrong - she's just looking for someone to ease her pain and right now she thinks that might be you.
Don't get sucked in.
Yes, I don’t think I could ever have a romantic relationship w/her again. And I’ve never got an apology so she’s avoiding acceptance or not sorry.
Idk how she meant it, but I immediately thought love bombing. I do love her as the mother of my children, much different than before. We’ve been working together well with the kids and she has been going to therapy and I can tell a difference so hopefully this was a relapse of sorts and things to back to normal.
Coming back to journal/update. This is probably better in the MLC section but I didn't want to start a new thread since I don't post often. Ex stayed after dropping the kids off for school one morning and talked to me four a couple hours. She apologized to me about everything in my last post. I had things wrong, it wasn't OM1 that showed up but her last ex. She told me about how she found herself in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship and that she broke up a year ago and he won't leave her alone and showed up. I didn't say much but made sure the kids aren't around him and that she was okay. Also thanked her for telling me and let her know not to hesitate if she needed somewhere to go but IDK what to say, dealing with other people's madness.
She told me about how she found herself in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship and that she broke up a year ago and he won't leave her alone and showed up.
Oooh, red flags, red flags. I don't now how she can assure you he won't be around the kids, since he could literally show up at any time? Abusive ex's can be extremely dangerous, I'd encourage your exW to take this seriously and file for a restraining order if necessary.
Oooh, red flags, red flags. I don't now how she can assure you he won't be around the kids, since he could literally show up at any time? Abusive ex's can be extremely dangerous, I'd encourage your exW to take this seriously and file for a restraining order if necessary.
I know this really worries me. Ex has been in city where her step mom lived still until she starts a new job next month and I've had the kids most of the time so hopefully this isn't an issue when she comes back but I'm going to bring it up. I also messed up when ex first started seeing this guy, the kids would not stop talking about him constantly (bimonthly vacations, gifts, etc. I thought they were engaged) and I asked them not talk to me about him to unless there was something wrong; so basically I missed these red flags by telling me not to tell me about what has happening at their mom's. In addition to the vacations, gifts, etc., what ex was telling me fits the narcissist checklist and I told her a few examples of why. Oddly, she asked if I thought she was a narcissist at this time so I can see she is doing some reflection in counseling. I don't think she is one but I know better than to say yes if I did LOL! I did mention it's a spectrum and a lot of the attributes overlap with other things and left it at that.
I couldn't help but think about OM2 from way back while writing this, IDT he was far off in personality. I always wondered if ex was trying to mother her late friend's kids with that relationship but she was also in an abusive one before me. I've really got to keep an eye out for my kiddos.
My son started counseling because he's having trouble at school and as far as I know this guy hasn't come up so hopefully he hasn't been around. I can see it's making a difference and he is excited to go. I recently got a wake up slap not to forget about his ASD, he's getting older and a lot is changing for him so I'm hoping this can make things a little easier.
Also, while talking to ex she told me if I ever wanted to move back to city where she is now she was up for it. Her new job is remote but she will have to travel between here and there frequently. Even though we talked about it and I explained my point about how it didn't work for me it worries me if things slip back to like the good old days.
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I posted last. I wanted to post to confide as ex asked me not to share this with anyone and it’s been consuming me. Im hoping not holding it in will help and didn’t know where else to share this. A few weeks ago ex was acting off, not making sense about our plans, and looked horrible when I saw her. The next night she called and told me her story. I’ll forego most of the details but she told me she went out was drugged and raped and also crashed her car all along the way home. She said she is on camera coming home with soaking wet pants and changing then leaving and has no memory of any of it. Hearing her story I think it was more than one person. She called the police and went to a dr. etc. and idk much more right now. I ask how she is, if she needs anything, etc. but no other questions. She asked me not to tell anyone, so only a couple of her friends know. She specifically asked me not to tell anyone & not let her parents or step dad know. They have to be wondering WTH, IDK how she explained her totaled car.
I was fuming for a couple weeks and feel terrible for her and there isn’t much I can do. I try to do some little things, be supportive for her, and let her know she has somewhere safe but idk what else to do. She told me she’s going to counseling so I’m glad to hear that.
Uugghh, thank you for the space to get that out, IDT I should have been holding that in.
Not saying stuff like this doesn’t happen to women - it certainly does - but could she be making up a story to protect herself against you learning she got drunk and wrecked her car? Or did it really happen but she picks you to tell the story to in a bid for your attention?
I am sorry to read what has happened. I'm glad to read that she saw a doctor and spoke to the police. Is there any way that you can go look at the car and see just how much damage was done?
She called you because she knows that she can trust you....but at some point, she is going to need to tell her family about the accident if they should ask about the car. I hope and pray that this is a wake up call for her and she gets all of the help she needs.
Hope you and the kids are doing okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for the support, it feels better not holding that in.
Originally Posted by kml
That sounds awful.
I do have one question for you - or maybe two:
Why do you think YOU are the person she told?
Do you believe her story?
Not saying stuff like this doesn’t happen to women - it certainly does - but could she be making up a story to protect herself against you learning she got drunk and wrecked her car? Or did it really happen but she picks you to tell the story to in a bid for your attention?
I’ve thought a lot about these things. I’m sure it happened but I also know there may be some things she left out. She could have easily hid everything from me as she is in a different city/state and back here for her weeks w/the kids. I think she told me because she trusts me like Job said she also told me she doesn’t feel safe.
I think she told me because she needed to feel safe telling someone and won’t get that from her parents, sad to say but it’s true. She also said she didn’t want her step dad to freak out, which is normal or understandable but not helpful. Idt she’s trying to get my attention, she hasn’t said much about it since the first couple talks. I worry more that she will try to bury it and not deal with it.
Originally Posted by job
I am sorry to read what has happened. I'm glad to read that she saw a doctor and spoke to the police. Is there any way that you can go look at the car and see just how much damage was done?
She called you because she knows that she can trust you....but at some point, she is going to need to tell her family about the accident if they should ask about the car. I hope and pray that this is a wake up call for her and she gets all of the help she needs.
Hope you and the kids are doing okay.
Her car is totaled and it got towed so I’m not sure what she told them. I hope this wakes her up as well, it’s hard to see thi.
My kids are doing well, it’s hard to believe how fast they are growing up. S13 is my height and jr high has been a lot better for him than the last 2 years and he enjoyed school this year. D12 is doing good and just made the city jr orchestra. I’ve been hearing her sing around the house lately too, she was like a bird before the MLC and it’s nice to see her that happy again.
Kyh. So sorry to hear about your ex’s assault. Her not having a memory makes sense to me. Could be the drugs she ingested (Rohypnol?) and a reaction to the trauma of being assaulted. Really hope she made a police report and had a rape kit done. Her telling you instead of her family or friends also makes sense to me. She obviously trusts you and maybe thinks the father of her children should know if the fallout from this has an impact on her availability to your kids. I know if something like that happened to me, I would want XH to know. Not because I would expect him to do anything about it but because I know it would likely mess me up for awhile and he would need to know in case the kids were impacted in some way.
Glad to hear your kids are doing well. My D14 and S14 started high school this year (we don’t have junior high, just high school [Grade 8-12]) and they both like it a lot better as well.
I hope this wakes her up as well, it’s hard to see this.
I believe events such as these, horrible as they are, have a higher chance of awakening a lost soul.
A well known gal around here was right at the scene of a motorcycle accident in which the rider died; that was her awaken moment. A rock bottom realization.
Rock bottom occurs when one decides they’ve hit bottom. Perhaps ex will feel that way. Perhaps not. Her confiding in you, telling you, about it is a good thing. She isn’t totally hiding it away. Facing it somewhat. I do hope IC helps her with that.
How about you? Are you processing this alright? Such new hits from many sides. So far you’ve only told us. Is that enough? Perhaps speaking with a confidential IC yourself would not violate the intent of ex’s request, and help you; if you think you want to or need to.
Glad to hear the kids are doing well. Ah, the teen years. Great changes are in store; “great” in the very sense of the word. Continue to be that role model. Happy singing kids. A pretty solid sign that things are going right.
Have a great day.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Kyh. So sorry to hear about your ex’s assault. Her not having a memory makes sense to me. Could be the drugs she ingested (Rohypnol?) and a reaction to the trauma of being assaulted. Really hope she made a police report and had a rape kit done. Her telling you instead of her family or friends also makes sense to me. She obviously trusts you and maybe thinks the father of her children should know if the fallout from this has an impact on her availability to your kids. I know if something like that happened to me, I would want XH to know. Not because I would expect him to do anything about it but because I know it would likely mess me up for awhile and he would need to know in case the kids were impacted in some way.
Glad to hear your kids are doing well. My D14 and S14 started high school this year (we don’t have junior high, just high school [Grade 8-12]) and they both like it a lot better as well.
Hope you’re week goes smoothly. (((HUGS)))
She did get a kit done. I haven’t asked about it, I figured she would tell me more when she was comfortable. I did notice she was being short with the kids at first but it’s gotten better. She is aware of it so that helps. Glad to read your kids are doing well too, it’s hard to believe they’re about done with another year.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Good Morning K
Originally Posted by Kyh
I hope this wakes her up as well, it’s hard to see this.
I believe events such as these, horrible as they are, have a higher chance of awakening a lost soul.
A well known gal around here was right at the scene of a motorcycle accident in which the rider died; that was her awaken moment. A rock bottom realization.
Rock bottom occurs when one decides they’ve hit bottom. Perhaps ex will feel that way. Perhaps not. Her confiding in you, telling you, about it is a good thing. She isn’t totally hiding it away. Facing it somewhat. I do hope IC helps her with that.
How about you? Are you processing this alright? Such new hits from many sides. So far you’ve only told us. Is that enough? Perhaps speaking with a confidential IC yourself would not violate the intent of ex’s request, and help you; if you think you want to or need to.
Glad to hear the kids are doing well. Ah, the teen years. Great changes are in store; “great” in the very sense of the word. Continue to be that role model. Happy singing kids. A pretty solid sign that things are going right.
Have a great day.
D
Thanks, I’m doing okay with it, I think I just need more time. It’s not consuming me constantly like at first. It was also exhausting acting like nothing was going on when with my kids. I think getting it out here has helped.
