She agreed to my drafted separation statement that gives joint custody, her business debt stays in her name, I keep the house (there is no equity in it), and we have 50:50 time with out daughter. She also agreed to paying me about $2500 in back income, $500/mo. for her health insurance. She is asking for no child support, and no spousal support. All court ordered. Since this is jointly filed, I am heavily leaving towards getting the ink dry tomorrow to get these agreements locked in.
She made it clear that she wanted the filing to be a divorce and not separation.
Originally Posted by jac12
What did you say?
(regarding the drafted divorce documents she thanked me for sending it to her)
Me: Thank you for being honest so nothing has to be contested later. That dream last night really got to me.
W: You're welcome. You and I both have fears about stuff. I think that's normal.
Me: Some of your behaviors around me lately have reminded me of when you were making decisions that were self harmful and letting men use you. I've just been worried...
W: I have no idea how to act around you; this is new and uncomfortable for both of us.
Me: I'm not asking you to act a specific way - I'm stating what I feel from my experience with you in the past.
W: If you're talking about being physically distant, that's due to the fact that we aren't together anymore.
Me: That's not it at all.
W: I'm confused.
That was it. We will be filing today and in the short-term, I think it's for the best. I'm exhausted, and I don't want my old marriage. Am I making the right choice? Should I be pressing for a separation filing and not divorce? The fact that she held my hands, looked me in the eyes and flat-out lied yesterday is just... awful. I feel like I don't know who she is right now. The fact that she was even capable of that without shedding a tear is scary.
I'm on the DB forums because I don't want a divorce... I desperately want to reconcile... but at the same time, I'm so scared that the terms presented to me will get MUCH worse if I drag it out. What do I do here?
If you believe this is the best deal you will get, I would get things finalized as quickly as possible.
I negotiated with her via text a bit this morning (our county is much more difficult to file in than expected). We are postponing things for a few days, and I was able to get her to agree to a separation for a minimum of one year before conversion to divorce. I told her it was a preference for me, that I had hope and understood that she didn't, and that this would only prevent her from re-marrying within a year, and allow her to keep herself on my insurance (optionally). I agreed to cover the $300 filing fees should we convert to divorce.
I was also able to get her to agree to mutually undergo psych exams with court orders to follow the recommendations. I see nothing but benefits to this for my D. I received the exact script from a personal friend working in child services for a common order they use:
Quote
Both parties will complete a comprehensive psychological evaluation and follow any and all recommendations of the provider. This is to ensure that both parents are aware of any untreated mental health issues that could cause concern, and address them with mental health professionals so that they can safely parent the child.
Added some orders about social media and not talking down about the other spouse in public forum:
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Neither party shall denigrate each other on social media during the separation. The intent is to restrict the posting of items online that would harm, disparage, denigrate, or otherwise negatively impact the other spouse's image or reputation or have a negative impact on the other spouse's business, school, or career prospects.
Moral clauses to prevent either party from introducing a new romantic partner to our D before 6 months of mutual dating and introduction to the other spouse.
All of these things she seems to be accepting and I am making these with my D's well-being in mind.
