We can give notice on this rental now and be out by Oct. The time has come to see how bad he wants me out of his life. The rent is going up 20% in November unless we sign another lease. We were going to stay here until D13 graduated high school. So much for that right?
5 months. I'm at 5 months. Please tell me this gets better within a year. I'm doing okay but this still [censored].
So he told D13 to tell me he has hired a lawn service since he's going to be out of town this week. It's these stupid things that bother me despite knowing the truth. Yes I know the truth. I want to give up. I want to quit. It's too hard. I'm tired. I want to go back to bed. Yes again.
This is where I say whatever I want even if it's wrong. He thought I'd fall apart. Thought I'd fail. Thought the kids would support him once I fell apart. This is the truth. He said all this. If I fell apart he'd get to have everything he wanted. If I begged, if I took his stupid handshake deal of $1,000 a month, he wanted to erase me out of this family. Tried to get me to move out. Told me I couldn't take care of the kids by myself. He had it all planned out.
He's a good man. A desperate man. A man in pain. Walking away might make him happy but if he thinks I'm going to fall apart he is sadly mistaken. I am a fighter. I will push through this. I am stronger than I thought I was. I will survive this somehow. I am in pain but I refuse to give up.
Now I'm going to go clean my bathroom.
I am angry that he badmouthed me to our kids. I am angry that he lied to me when I asked if he was okay. Blamed everything on work as he plotted his exit. I am angry that we had this romantic weekend before he dumped me. Who does that???
Here is what I believe in. I believe in Karma. I'm getting what I deserve. This is the lesson I needed to learn and I will learn it. I was a total, nag, depressed, lazy witch. I'd gotten fat and had let myself go.
WAH is no saint. Not.Even.Close. He cuddled with me on the couch, held my hand, made love to me all while socking money away and had his name on a waiting list for the month to month campground.
His karma? He lost one daughter, barely sees the other one. This kills him. He sees S19 but he's autistic so he doesn't text or talk on the phone. Sees him once a week. This kills him. He thinks I'm not strict enough on our teenage girls. You know the typical father thing. Well he lost control. This kills him. He can't parent from afar and he knows it. This kills him.
His money? Before he left he said "I think we can financially swing it". I paid the bills for 28 years so I knew this wasn't going to be quite as easy as he thought it would be. He doesn't care about me but he does care about the kids. I will get enough money to live. That's it. He will be responsible for everything else. He showed me his after divorce budget and it showed him having all this extra money. I didn't say anything because he'd get angry but I knew his budget had little to do with reality.
May 18th. That is THE day when he figured all this out. 6 weeks after he left he figured it out. I knew he would. What I don't know is what he will do with this information.
I cried for a while and have calmed down. He changed the password 3 days before our 28th anniversary. Maybe he’s getting ready to file. Maybe he’s getting ready to move us. Maybe he just wanted to upset me. I don’t know.
Believe nothing they say and half of what they do. Got it.
D14 says he wanted the D done fast but then he calmed down and is in no rush. Says he's focused on something else but doesn't know what. I suspect work. She said she hoped all he needed was a break (I'm sure she got this from her friends).
S19 says money is an issue for WAH. Says he's going to have to pay $2,000 to get his truck fixed and that his savings won't last. This happened AFTER he changed the password. Anyway the rent is going up $350 a month in Nov. He can afford it but it won't make sense to pay it for very long. He could get his own place for that.
