I’ve already talked to a man for a couple of months since WAH left. It was an online thing but he was making plans to visit me in September. I got in deep so I stopped talking to him in July. We'd text all day everyday. We'd talk on the phone. I would have kept going but he wanted an actual relationship.
Hi Kas99, early on in my relationship, I talked to another woman 1-2 hours two to three days a week. As we discussed meeting, I broke it off--too close to an EA and our lives were incompatible--but it felt awesome talking to someone who cared about my day, my thoughts, and my feelings.
I wonder what drove you to end it just before it became a real relationship. It is a good sign that, if/when you're ready to put in the time and effort of dating, or get out and meet others, you should be able to find someone who's as excited to hear your stories as you are to hear their stories.
Originally Posted by kas99
If I go further my chances of reconciliation drop to ZERO. I'm not at risk for a rebound until WAH divorces me or I've decided he isn't coming back.
You talk of your weakness in starting these, but recognize your steely determination in ending them, too!
Originally Posted by kas99
I don't get in trouble on the front page of a board like this it's when the private messages start.
Hi Kas99, early on in my relationship, I talked to another woman 1-2 hours two to three days a week. As we discussed meeting, I broke it off--too close to an EA and our lives were incompatible--but it felt awesome talking to someone who cared about my day, my thoughts, and my feelings.
I like men and while I've walked that line I've never had an EA.
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I wonder what drove you to end it just before it became a real relationship. It is a good sign that, if/when you're ready to put in the time and effort of dating, or get out and meet others, you should be able to find someone who's as excited to hear your stories as you are to hear their stories.
I've only loved two men in my life. My first love and WAH. I am still hopelessly in love with WAH. As long as there is a chance WAH will come back I will remain faithful. I do need to stop those almost EA's though. They are deal breakers for WAH.
Today I had to help out in court because there were 2 protection orders (nothing violent)
My takeaway. Lots of people try to reconcile My first love and I were on again off again for years before calling it quits.
I'm aware my focus is too much on WAH but these things help me get through the day. I've read that there is no way to make this process go any faster so whatever gets me through I'm good with it. The man I got involved with? He got me through 6 weeks of this and I do not regret meeting him. For all my talk I have no interest in doing that again. It took A LOT of my time. Time away from work. Time away from my kids.
How on earth am I supposed to cope with losing the love of my life and my best friend?
We can't fill your hole, anymore than you can fill ours, but we're here and listening! I hope you have your kids this weekend--it's not the same as your best friend, but being surrounded by family is something. Especially when they're old enough that the chats turn to topics beyond "Mama" and "Ducky!"
We can't fill your hole, anymore than you can fill ours, but we're here and listening! I hope you have your kids this weekend--it's not the same as your best friend, but being surrounded by family is something. Especially when they're old enough that the chats turn to topics beyond "Mama" and "Ducky!"
Writing here helps even when no one responds to my ramblings. I have my kids EVERY weekend for which I am grateful. Our kids are teenagers who'd rather be at home that at his camper. A month ago he said he misses them but he may have found a way to cope by now who knows. You don't even want to know what my kids talk about it. lol I've gotten closer to them and they have let me into their world. WAH would be PISSED if he knew about all this. Oh well he left.
I now believe if you're going to get divorced it's best to do it when the kids are young. The people who think "I'll wait until the kids are older to divorce" have no idea what it's like. Oh and this isn't a gender specific thing either. Teens will equally pick dad over mom. D13 originally picked WAH over me but I'm here and he isn't so she's starting to switch sides.
Scratch that. There isn't a "good" time to divorce with kids. D16's best friend's parents got divorced when she was 8. Her parents live within walking distance from each other, got along great (or so I thought). She's a great kid and I've known her for 10 years. Has a room at each house and is well loved.
She hit her teenage years and dumped dad. Yep she no longer speaks to him. "Dad" retaliated by not paying child support and refused to give his ex copies of her insurance card. So much for an amicable divorce...
Oh and did I mention she's now being treated for depression and anxiety? Ugh.
Isn't divorce wonderful??
I get it some people need to be divorced but to run off to find "happiness" is a crock.
I've been studying human behavior as kind of a hobby for 20 years. Now that I've added divorce to my life experience I've been researching that too.
WAS's act angry around LBS's to avoid giving out false hope. It's also kind of self preservation mode. The only time I haven't seen him angry in person was when we were at the bank. I was cooperating and he knew it.
On the phone he has cut me. Hit below the belt and said some really mean things. Once I proved I wasn't trying to take him to the cleaners he was nice. I remember those conversations where he treated me with care. He got me flowers for mothers day and a card for my birthday plus money.
He’s been giving me 20% of his income. He pays all my bills except food and gas. I work full time and there is no court order. I do not need the money and I’ve told him to keep it.
For the first month he didn’t want to give me anything. I’m the one who backed off. Took his settlement offer, made this easy, cooperated, etc. He could have filed 4 months ago.
Yes my mood is all over the place I'm aware. It helps to type this all out. Sometimes I feel like crap, like my life is over. Sometimes I think its all going to be okay. Sometimes I think he will come back (eventually) and other times I think he hates me. 30 years together is a lot to let go of.
Tonight I was thinking two things are saving me. One my kids. Two I don't have to see or talk to him. There is nothing big happening with our teens for 2 more years. He can have everything else.
I said this before and there have been TWO emergencies since then. Ugh. Make it stop. Make it stop.
Why does the universe insist on making us see each other?
