Unfortunately there is no way to get past the pain except to go through it. So sorry you are feeling this way Kas. It is the worst. 28 years is a long time. I doubt he isn’t thinking about it in some way. Keep working on you. Do it for you, your kids and your future R...no matter who it is with. You will make it and you will be a better person for it. (((HUGS)))
His best friend got into his head. This guy has been married 4 times lost his only child to an ex. This kid hit her teenage years and decided dad would be more lenient so she moved in with him. It's a fairy tale ending. He got a new wife and his kid back full time (mom lives 12 hours away). Oh and he didn't have to pay alimony.
They both bought into the part where I'd fall apart (depression) and our kids would prefer him, the more stable/fun parent. This plan was fool proof. What could possibly go wrong?
I appreciate the support and the reminders that I have to walk through the pain. I haven't felt this bad since he first left. Another part of why I feel like crap is the kids just started school. My stress level just went through the roof.
Oh and trust me he's waiting to see if I fail. He NEEDS me to fail (see my post above).
WAH is paying half my bills plus he pays me CS. Im saving the CS because I have no idea what is going to happen. S19 just told me that WAH is having some very expensive car repairs. Then there is D16s hospital bill. This would be tight on both our incomes now he has to pay it with one?
Divorce is expensive. If this is going to happen I’m glad I won’t be responsible for any of it. I only have to pay for necessities and I have no problems giving up everything to save for a rainy day. My lifestyle will drop to as little as I can get away with. Our kids won’t starve but this won’t be fun. Hope it’s worth it to him.
I’m in a lot of pain. I don’t know how to cope so I get snarky.
I miss my husband so much. I want him to come home. I miss him. Our kids miss him. I cannot believe this is my life. My kids have to decide which parent they want to live with. He promised D13 she could have the master bedroom and her own bathroom. When he first left she was closer to him. Now she says she’s closer to me. She wants to be with me but will choose the bigger room. She says she will sleep on a air mattress at my place when he travels.
Aww, not seeing one of my kids would tear me apart! Kas99, have you consulted with an attorney? In my area, a D13 is too young to "choose" to be with only one parent 100%. Many attorneys give free consultations. The dynamics do change as they get older and I know parents who no longer see their S16+.
I'm sorry for what you're going through. We're here anytime you want to vent.
CWarrior she’s almost 14 and I’m rebuilding our relationship. We have three teenagers and it just seems cruel to cram them into tiny rental after they’ve had their own bedrooms their entire life. WAH agrees but is under the assumption they will go back and forth. They won’t and I’m not interested in forcing D14 to live with me. Our kids will be split up if he goes through with this. I’ll have 2 kids and he will have 1.
The longer he's gone the more of a stranger he becomes. This is so sad because he once was a very involved father. He adores them. He tries to reach out, tries to spend time with them but there isn't much to do around here. He's living in a camper and none of them will go over there. They say it's a total disaster. He left angry and took every stitch of clothing he owns. He doesn't wear most of it but he didn't take time to pack. He has triple the amount of clothes/shoes I have. The camper is pretty small and he's said storage is an issue. Ya think?
I think he thought I'd destroy his clothes. He asked me not to destroy the house. He really does see me as a lunatic.
Kas, you're allowing yourself to wallow in the mire. "To remain stuck in an undesirable or negative situation due to one's unwillingness to do something to change." That is you EXACTLY, and you are doing it to yourself. Look I get it, you want to curl up and be miserable and rock and weep in the corner of the room. You want to talk endlessly about how unfair it is, how the kids suffer, how your standard of living is crap, how your H is doing poorly and won't come to his senses. We all do that to some extent after BD. But eventually you have to move past it and start HEALING. You have to rise up, say screw this, I am going to prove to the world that I am a superwoman despite what my H has done, that I am going to give my kids a GREAT life, that I refuse to let all of this bring me down and crush me. Show your husband the awesome woman he is leaving behind. Make him regret it! Pull yourself together and don't let yourself be miserable for one more minute.
It is far too easy to fall into the "victim" mentality and decide your spouse has ruined your life. But you are 100% responsible for your life. You are responsible for who you chose to marry, how much control you gave them over your life and how much you lose when they give up that control and you have to take it back. Stop blaming and start accepting control of your life again. Start focusing your posts here on your dreams and goals and how you are going to chip away at it. Quit talking about H and his trailer and such. Rise above. You can do this!
