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A Message from Michele
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Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861630
08/16/19 03:15 PM
08/16/19 03:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,054
Canada
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AndrewP Offline
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by LH19
Could he be going back to his ex?

Definitely not. They canít even talk to each other.

But I have a feeling there might be someone else. You flip a light switch, make up some BS like this and thatís usually when there is someone else
We can't know this Ginger and it's useless to speculate.

Since I am of course the King of SpeculationLand and you may not agree with me, but I see a "lot" of parallels between your situation with M and mine with B. In my case I am nearly certain that there isn't someone else. B may end up going back to her ex eventually or on to someone else but I don't think that her departure, any more than M's was related to jumping over to greener pastures.

In both cases we were the ones trying to make it work, making the compromises, "being there" for them while they were off doing whatever. You saw the red flags I was trying to ignore, and I saw some of the ones you were trying to ignore. Both sets of flags were a reluctance to commit and a level of selfishness about "their" time at a time when you would think that a couple couldn't get enough of spending time with each other.

I think that for both B and M that they both really wanted to have a relationship that worked and felt that the person that they had found was a "catch". Because they were unable to fit their vision of the life they wanted with the life they were being handed it may have become more and more like pounding a square peg in to a round hole. Until suddenly it breaks. Up until then they are doing what they think is their part of making it work. M talking about helping you build a shed. B and I looking at campers and campgrounds for when her cottage sells. I think they were both trying to not see what was right in front of them. That it wasn't working for them.

One side speculation. B was a WAS. I can perhaps presume that M was as well. I know that B would especially early on talk about it "being time for her" which to me had scary echos of the sort of MLC talk that my ex would do. Changing the topic of a conversation back to themselves is certainly an indication that they are so wrapped up in themselves that they don't have the bandwidth to be there for others. Perhaps as a WAS they both had a stronger focus on themselves and a greater willingness to walk away again. I honestly don't know enough about how people's minds work but it certainly makes sense.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
But i know I wasnít all that happy. I was happy together, it not apart. I gave too much got to little once again. I never gave up, I remained committed and gave him my all.
Waves my hand as part of that club too. Again, I think our experiences were similar although mine was compressed in to half the time of your's.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I was so horribly deceived and it hurts more than anything
For me, I'm choosing to not believe that there was any intentional deception. That B wanted to have a shared life with me but when it actually came down to it, wasn't able. M may well have been that way as well. We will indeed never know but thinking of it that way, for me at least, helps make the pain less.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861634
08/16/19 03:48 PM
08/16/19 03:48 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,511
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kml Offline
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He was saying the words, but his actions didn't match his words. It's not surprising you believed what he was saying after a year together. Don't beat yourself up.

Last edited by Cadet; 08/16/19 04:04 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861639
08/16/19 04:11 PM
08/16/19 04:11 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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I think what happens with most men with me is that because I am ďan awesome , loving, committed , passionateĒ girlfriend, they want to make it work. But something else is lacking For all of them. Maybe we just never are truly compatible, I IGNORE for whatever reason, and they ignore it because Iím a model girlfriend.

Time to become a bi tech?

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861641
08/16/19 04:18 PM
08/16/19 04:18 PM
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kml Offline
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You'd never carry off being a biatch. But the emphasis needs to stay on whether the guy is good enough for YOU, not the other way around.

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: kml] #2861643
08/16/19 04:26 PM
08/16/19 04:26 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by kml
You'd never carry off being a biatch. But the emphasis needs to stay on whether the guy is good enough for YOU, not the other way around.


Bingo! I need to know my own worth. Not accept anything less than what Iím worth

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861648
08/16/19 04:53 PM
08/16/19 04:53 PM
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I agree with KML G. You need to be confident and strong enough to make sure the guy is right for you. Any guy that is not treating you how you deserve to be treated or does not have the qualities you desire needs to go. You possess many great qualities and have many great things going for you. Only accept the best!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2861653
08/16/19 05:15 PM
08/16/19 05:15 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,303
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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Southern Maryland

Last edited by job; 08/16/19 06:50 PM. Reason: added link to new thread

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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