The first thing I noticed my EXWW did in March 2018 was shave down there. I had asked her to do that previously and she wouldnt and then bam one day she did. Huge red flag and I was right about her cheating.
Beforehand, she was doing that maybe once every 3-4 weeks but than all of a sudden after this camping trip she got back from. She started going over there every week after the BD but before heading out she would shave all the time, put on makeup, get dressed and stuff, so everything wasn't added up. Too many red flags, and crazy to say my assumption was correct.
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Im sorry you are going through this. You will be ok. I am D now. I found a wonderful and stunningly gorgeous new gf. She treats me like a god. All action and zero talk. Shows me I matter. I feel fortunate that all this pain led me to this woman. There are plenty of fish in the sea and plenty that wont trat you kike garbage.
I tell myself I'll be ok but that's just me trying to stay positive through everything. I mean I'm sure it will just still so fresh and how she moved on so quickly makes it hurt much more especially since we met this past Friday to get the papers notarized and turned it, no signs of remorse or anything - if anything she seemed happier to finally get this done and over with so she can "officially" be with OM.
I am very happy that you found someone that treats you like you should Sotorn, I truly am. And yeah, the pain that you had to bear that led you to this woman is a blessing in disguise. I don't want to go out and find another woman as of now but at the same time, it feels like that is what I am missing - companionship. If another woman does come into my life naturally, I'm definitely not going to fight it though. It's just for the past, 10+ years I had a routine and now this happened - feels like a missing puzzle piece.
As you all may know that is reading this. Friday the papers were filed, in 2 months time I should be officially single. I feel like my detachment is coming along. I noticed I do still think about her from time to time but it just feels different than the first month or 2 that I was dealing with this. A different kind of emotions. I know I haven't fully dropped the rope yet, I still have a few fingers on it but in time it will fall on its own. This weekend, I just mainly hung out with my daughter - didn't do much but spend time together watching TV and watching her do some art edits on the computer. I been neglecting the yard and when I got home Friday, it was mowed. My neighbor is such awesome people, I told them "Thank you, I know you cut my yard. She played it off with a bit but finally admitted to it. Her response, was "That is what good neighbors do, we look out for each other" and she knows what I am going through because her current husband ex wife cheated on him with his best friend. It definitely helps to have all this support, coping with it makes it a bit easier.
Oh yeah, my STBX and I contact with each other is basically non existent - if there is, its about our D, usually a quick text exchange than we go on our marry way.
The first thing I noticed my EXWW did in March 2018 was shave down there. I had asked her to do that previously and she wouldnt and then bam one day she did. Huge red flag and I was right about her cheating.
Beforehand, she was doing that maybe once every 3-4 weeks but than all of a sudden after this camping trip she got back from. She started going over there every week after the BD but before heading out she would shave all the time, put on makeup, get dressed and stuff, so everything wasn't added up. Too many red flags, and crazy to say my assumption was correct.
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Im sorry you are going through this. You will be ok. I am D now. I found a wonderful and stunningly gorgeous new gf. She treats me like a god. All action and zero talk. Shows me I matter. I feel fortunate that all this pain led me to this woman. There are plenty of fish in the sea and plenty that wont trat you kike garbage.
I tell myself I'll be ok but that's just me trying to stay positive through everything. I mean I'm sure it will just still so fresh and how she moved on so quickly makes it hurt much more especially since we met this past Friday to get the papers notarized and turned it, no signs of remorse or anything - if anything she seemed happier to finally get this done and over with so she can "officially" be with OM.
I am very happy that you found someone that treats you like you should Sotorn, I truly am. And yeah, the pain that you had to bear that led you to this woman is a blessing in disguise. I don't want to go out and find another woman as of now but at the same time, it feels like that is what I am missing - companionship. If another woman does come into my life naturally, I'm definitely not going to fight it though. It's just for the past, 10+ years I had a routine and now this happened - feels like a missing puzzle piece.
My EXWW dis not show a drop of remorse. If anything she was sorry she was caught and thats it. I advise not to date until you are ready. I honestly wasnt looking for a new relationship. I just wanted to meet new people men and women. My GF went through the same thing and that is how our paths crossed. We ended up meeting with zero intention on dating. Just by chance we ended up a very good match. Shes younger but we have quite a bit in common. Its nice having someone that communicates. Im blown away at what I was dealing with in my MR for no reason. This new relationship really put into perspective how poorly I was treated by my EXWW throughout the entire MR.
Last edited by SoTorn; 08/12/1904:14 PM.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
This week has been a little hard. I felt like I was detaching ok, slowly but surely but a rush of emotions came back. My D started school this week, 6th grader, and for the first time in which seems like forever we were all together again for a 2-3 hours at her school orientation. I guess it made me replay all these good memories we had together of taking our D to school for her first day and how happy we were. Its all hard to take in currently. I thought I was past that point because of how I felt betrayed and I am feeling so confused at this point. It feels like I take 2 steps forward and 5 steps back at times. I guess just us being together in one location brought too much memories but in reality everything is crumbling down.
Thanks for listening, more so, just jotting down what I am feeling currently because you guys understand what I am going through.
My WW has yet to admit anything more than an EA, though this week, she did get her own phne account and change her #.
Your posts have made me realize, this hasn't just happened to me, that it wasn't all my fault.
I will pray for you and your daughter. God has better days for us both ahead.
Wow, our situation is very similar. When she told me 100% about wanting a divorce, that crushed me also than I found out about the OM, that hurt even more. I wanted to reconcile just like everyone else but she said that she bottled this up for too long and that she had enough. I honestly don't think that is the real reason but I try to stop making sense of any of it because it will just go in circles.
I would like to believe that everything happens for a reason.
Mine initially cut off all initimacy too right after BD. I went from a husband with an OK sex life, to a friend! We were marriend 16 years and man, it just makes no sense. We havent had a single marital counseling session.
Mine has yet to admit to a PA, but I have strong suspicions that's going on too. I loved the statements on two train wrecks coming together. Limerence doesn't last and what they have together has no foundation.
I've learned so much about the man and husband I want to be going forward. Sounds like you have too!
Same with my EXWW. She cut off all intimacy on BD. It was so friggin weird watching her act like I was a stranger. She would make sure I never saw her naked or with anything less than a bath robe on. It was like a light switch.
I remember the day my EXWW dedicated herself completely to OM. She flew out to see him under the guise of work. I picked her up from the airport and I tried to hug and kiss her. Man she freaked out like if I were some stranger.
That was before I was DBing and after BD. Then the lies got blatent and the A got very obvious. So I hired a PI and got it all on record. Even with proof she still lied. "I only stayed in his room because he was really sick" suuuurree. Friggin NPD liar. Glad im done with her.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Mine initially cut off all initimacy too right after BD. I went from a husband with an OK sex life, to a friend! We were marriend 16 years and man, it just makes no sense. We havent had a single marital counseling session.
Mine has yet to admit to a PA, but I have strong suspicions that's going on too. I loved the statements on two train wrecks coming together. Limerence doesn't last and what they have together has no foundation.
I've learned so much about the man and husband I want to be going forward. Sounds like you have too!
I believe that's how most of us are when the BD happens. Non existent intimacy. My thoughts were the same, I had suspicions but just didn't want to believe it and it turned out to be true.
I am glad you are starting to focus on yourself. Grow to be the person you are, a strong individual with confidence and life continues on with or without the other half. There will be ups and down moments as I thought I was good until we met up for my D orientation but I'll get over it.
Stay busy, pick up new hobbies....I was never into sports really but my friend just invited me to a soccer game, sounds like a lot of fun and never been to one. It will be exciting!
Originally Posted by SoTorn
Same with my EXWW. She cut off all intimacy on BD. It was so friggin weird watching her act like I was a stranger. She would make sure I never saw her naked or with anything less than a bath robe on. It was like a light switch.
I remember the day my EXWW dedicated herself completely to OM. She flew out to see him under the guise of work. I picked her up from the airport and I tried to hug and kiss her. Man she freaked out like if I were some stranger.
That was before I was DBing and after BD. Then the lies got blatent and the A got very obvious. So I hired a PI and got it all on record. Even with proof she still lied. "I only stayed in his room because he was really sick" suuuurree. Friggin NPD liar. Glad im done with her.
Mine was the same SoTorn after the BD. Well, there was a few times I think she got dressed on purpose in front of me to see my reaction. I read it here a lot, the spouse who walks away rewrites history and all they see is the bad, tries to validate everything with the blame game.
I wanted to share something another poster wrote recently. His name is Phoenix, whose W is with OM#2. He had never dated anyone before he met his W. He had no friends, and no life outside his marriage. He had such a difficult time last year, and really struggled GAL, meeting new people, making friends, and basically reinventing himself. I give him a lot of credit for not giving up on himself. In the face of rejection, he was determined to make changes in his life. He sent us an update, and closed the post with the following words:
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I will be forever grateful for all of the support you have given me in the last year. I have said this constantly throughout my journey but I will always repeat it over and over again. You not only saved my life, but have helped me turn it into something even better - something that I thought would never happen.
For those who are currently struggling through your situations, I will echo the same thing numerous folks have said here time and time again: Keep fighting. Keep hoping. Keep going. It will get better. Reconciliation is not the true goal here. Rediscovering yourself and your happiness is the goal. Reconciliation is just something that may come as a bonus. And if it does not, you will still be a better man/woman coming out of this.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
