H has been saying the following a lot lately... "you should find [our kids] a better dad."
In past 2 weeks he has brought it up in conversation a couple times. In the past, I would respond, "no, you are a good dad." and tell him reasons why. I think he has been depressed lately (see my earlier post).
What can I say?
I am sorry you feel that way.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Thank you Ready2Change. It's hard living with someone who is always down on themselves, but it's even harder when you love them and they don't take your words as being genuine. When BD happened he mentioned that he had a hard time believing the positive things I tell him because I didn't sound sincere. Of course, over time I learned that he was saying to justify the affair... spouse is a horrible person but the AP gets me, she must be my soulmate.
Another thing I'm having to tackle is his response when the kids get invited to do something and are asking permission. Today our youngest ask to go with a family member to visit their dog. When she asked I responded, "ask your dad to make sure it's okay." His response was, " Why are you asking me? You never did before, why start now? " The thing is, I always make sure the kids ask him too. His usual response is, "I don't make the decisions, ask your mom." So here I am l searching for something to say to him without causing an argument. Help!
It's been a long time since I posted here. A lot of changes since then..
HB ended the affair around February 2020. However, he and OW continued to chat on Facebook and text.
About 2 weeks ago he deleted his Facebook account (and Messenger). I no longer catch him quickly looking at texts and messages from her. All this new behavior is great!
The downside is that he gets depressed every weekend. He does nothing all weekend long and states "I'm just doing what I do best... sleep and eat." He usually ends up getting mad at me and it carries through the next week.
This past Sunday he was upset and when I asked him why he said he was just mad at the world. Well, that translated into him sleeping on the couch all week and barely talking to me. Once again he has a hard time looking at me.
My assumption is that they did break it off. This was about the time 2 years ago that the affair started. Is he mourning the affair? Is there anything I should avoid doing or saying?
It's been a long time since I posted here. A lot of changes since then..
HB ended the affair around February 2020. However, he and OW continued to chat on Facebook and text.
About 2 weeks ago he deleted his Facebook account (and Messenger). I no longer catch him quickly looking at texts and messages from her. All this new behavior is great!
The downside is that he gets depressed every weekend. He does nothing all weekend long and states "I'm just doing what I do best... sleep and eat." He usually ends up getting mad at me and it carries through the next week.
This past Sunday he was upset and when I asked him why he said he was just mad at the world. Well, that translated into him sleeping on the couch all week and barely talking to me. Once again he has a hard time looking at me.
My assumption is that they did break it off. This was about the time 2 years ago that the affair started. Is he mourning the affair? Is there anything I should avoid doing or saying?
Yes, he is in a depression over the loss of his affair. This is very common. All you can do is stay out of the way and let him mourn. Might take him a day, might take him a year. It is out of your control, just as is the possibility of starting up again.
Focus on what you can control (IE, that is you).
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks Steve85. That's what I figured...he is heartbroken because the affair is over and he is miserable. I know he doesn't truly hates me because he still talks to me, even though he says little. He is trying to find way to make me the bad guy in all this.
I've practicing saying less and getting out of the way. That's hard for me because life at work and with family is hard right now and I don't have anyone to talk to. However, I need to maintain a happy attitude.
I hope and pray things get better and he comes out of the funk he is in again. Time to detach...again.
Thanks Steve85. That's what I figured...he is heartbroken because the affair is over and he is miserable. I know he doesn't truly hates me because he still talks to me, even though he says little. He is trying to find way to make me the bad guy in all this.
I've practicing saying less and getting out of the way. That's hard for me because life at work and with family is hard right now and I don't have anyone to talk to. However, I need to maintain a happy attitude.
I hope and pray things get better and he comes out of the funk he is in again. Time to detach...again.
Yep, I witnessed it twice with my W with both of her EAs. I witnessed it with friends that were in EAs/PAs that ended. That mourning process is a mandatory step....and it is fraught with relapses. All you can do is keep DBing.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
