Separated WAW p.3

[LH19]

H,

As much as I think your W is a train wreck I think you should give it more time before you file for divorce.

[Hallzy9]

Hey LH thanks for the reply,

I just don’t know how I can continue onward after the disrespect and after her actions. I’ll admit that maybe earlier on I was a bit in denial. She used to be such an honest and caring person that I had so much trouble believing she was in an A. Even with all the red flags I chose to believe that she was just texting her friends who were girls. Seeing her with old hookup confirmed for me that she was having at least EA while we still lived together.

If I had proof when she still lived here, I would have instantly kicked her out. I dont tolerate things like that and I think she was so undercover about it because she knew it would have been bad news for her if I had found out.

LH honestly man I don’t want anything to do with her right now. I don’t want to treat her with coldness but it is going to take a lot of effort for me to act with PMA around her now. I have lost all respect I once had for her and unless she has drastic changes I don’t think her image will ever be restored with me.

While I planned on filing tomorrow I have decided I need to at least have have my lawyer look over the paperwork as I don’t want to have any errors. We will see how that goes, thanks!

[LH19]

H,

After being on the board for 4 plus years when a woman moves out as quick as yours did I knew she was in an affair.

Yep take your time and keep working on yourself. You are so young and deserve so much better. This will soon be a distant memory.

[Hallzy9]

Thanks LH I appreciate it,

So for now the plan is to have her served next week, she will probably ask why, which my gut response is to say “because you are a liar and a cheater”, but I have some time to think about an appropriate response lol.

[LH19]

I would say “because this arrangement isn’t working for me anymore”.

Why is that Halzy?

Because I will not live in an open marriage.

Conversation over.

[Hallzy9]

Thanks LH, read that post a few days ago but had nothing else to report. I will use those lines. As much as I’d love to say I know about your A and saw who you were with”, I will not. Reading other threads it seems pointless and will not do any good.

So update: I filed on Tuesday. Saw my lawyer who went over the paperwork and approved it for me. I know W can’t afford a lawyer so I will be representing myself. The lawyer advised me to put terminate support on the form so I won’t have to pay support and if W wants to respond she can and we will go from there. Side note: I am not denying support out of malice but my W lives with her mom who is a total enabler (MIL bought a brand new car a month ago and W convinced her that she should have it, so now MIL is driving Ws old car while W drives new car.). So I know MIL who makes great money will be providing financially for my S so I know he will not be wanting a thing.

W was very lazy when it came to similar things (separation agreement was written up at midnight the night before W moved out lol). So I wonder if she will even respond within the 30 days for my state. Otherwise I specified a 50:50 custody of 2-2-3 schedule.

My buddy who owns a process service company was super awesome and is serving for free, priority serve. Yesterday server attempted twice but no one came to the door. Not sure if he was successful today but I will know tomorrow.

W dropped of S today and made some small talk. I was pretty short but pleasant. She said “it was funny seeing you out at the club the other night” and there were many things I wanted to say angrily I simply said, “yeah I had a fun time.” W tried lingering and talking but I politely shooed her out the door. Before hand I told her what time I will be dropping of S in a few days so there will be no need for further communication.

I have a lot of anger about this situation and my normal reaction would be to call her on her BS and call her a liar. But from my time on this site I’ve learned that nothing positive could really come from that. I was polite and friendly in my interaction but very brief. I have been NC for a bit now but I still have this feeling she thinks I am a firm plan B. She does a lot of touchy teasing flirting when I see her. So my filing will be a shock to her I believe.

I know this post has had a lot to do with her but I’m going to try and document the time before and after she is served.

Shout out to LH for the great advice over the past few months, helped me to really cut out the BS of dealing with my soon to be ex WW.

[curtis7]

Thanks LH, read that post a few days ago but had nothing else to report. I will use those lines. As much as I’d love to say I know about your A and saw who you were with”, I will not. Reading other threads it seems pointless and will not do any good.

Hallz, I agree with LH, you are young and have an amazing life ahead. You will be able to find a new love interest that doesn’t have all of the baggage that us older LBH’s will have to deal with.

I like that you’re taking the high road and not bringing up the AP. He is a symptom in the breakdown of your MR and it’s unlikely your STBXW will be with him for long. Looking forward to read about her reaction on getting served. Way to stand up for yourself!

[LH19]

H,

I appreciate the kind words. You have come a long way the last few months. You have grown immensely and I wish more of the LBS had the strength you have to walk away from the BS. Also realize this isn't necessarily the end. If she ever sees you as the person of high that you are and is willing to do the work you can reevaluate at that time if it is something you are interested in. I will say it again, where you are at in life being newlyweds and a young son are supposed to be the best days of your life. If she is pulling this bs now God only knows how she would be acting after you were married 20 years. Stay strong my friend!

Curtis,

Younger or older everybody has baggage. These are just limiting beliefs that you have the cause you to remain stuck and allow yourself to be disrespected. You have the power to do what Halzy did but you choose weakness. Until you learn to love and respect yourself you will continue to suffer.

[Hallzy9]

Hey Curtis, I appreciate it man. I don’t know if I’ve commented much on your sitch but I am fully caught up. Hopefully you are getting to an easier place of letting go.

So W was served Thursday evening. The server (employee of one of my best friends) said that she acted pretty shocked. But I didn’t hear from her at all until this morning. Got a couple of 4am texts from her:

W: Hey (old embarrassing nickname)
W: couples counseling?


Obviously my instinct tells me that this holds no merit and that she was most likely just getting home from a night of binge drinking. I have S this weekend and wasn’t up at 4am lol.

If she does bring it up I’m just not sure what to say. I don’t feel like she has gone through the process yet. While she is still involved in these Wayward activities such as binge drinking till 4am with new enabler friends, I don’t really think there would be any point in MC. Advice on further replies is appreciated. Thanks

[LB55]

I’d simply say no thanks and keep moving forward.

If she wanted to work on things you’d get way more than a 4am text with two words and a question mark. Just a stalling tactic in my view.