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Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2862257
08/21/19 03:42 PM
08/21/19 03:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,655
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AndrewP Offline OP
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Posting a lot lately. There's actually not much going on. A bit of a novel today. I'm just too lazy to open up my other diary today.

I've been getting progressively more worried about the economy lately and some of the turns it could make. I'm fairly unhappy with work at present and have been for some time. But every indication is that we are heading for a fairly strong recessions. There's the standard economic indicators, my own belief that the stock market has been fully valued for some time if not a bit over-valued, some dodgy things that I've been hearing about the stability of commercial credit both here and abroad etc. I did see some things cross my desk lately where our suppliers are really pushing for us to sign on pretty much "any" new business whereas before they were only interested in big deals. Companies, especially in the auto sector seem to be pulling back quite firmly. Staying where I am even though uncomfortable may be wise. Certainly going in to anything speculative such as a start-up is dangerous.

I've heard through the rumour mill that pressure on my boss to retire is mounting and he just won't. One theory I heard which sounds plausible is that he's hoping for a packaged buy-out rather than an early retirement. I think he's only in his early 60s. I don't know. He's a jerk, abusive and most importantly to me, not good at his job. I've been able to largely avoid him for the last 16 years but it's getting harder lately with the company now being so much smaller.

I wish I could just spend a week at home doing nothing. My week of summer vacation back in June was packed with projects and accommodating B. I did spend some time just sitting on my butt. I went back and re-read what I wrote then and yeah - I was annoyed at her for not being around or participating in what was going on. Ah well - hopefully lessons learned.

A friend of mine who mid-divorce reached out to me to say that when I was in his geography to let him know and we'd go out for a beer. I had been thinking of reaching out to him yesterday but then noticed on social media that he lost his mother. It wasn't too unexpected. I sent sympathies.

When I got home surprisingly S25 had his car in the driveway. He'd gone clothes shopping - I would imagine on his own for one of the first times in his life. He was looking for shorts but was unable to find any that suited. While he was there he helped me move the boat around in the new shed and we managed to get the utility trailer in there too. It's a bit of a tight squeeze and to work on the boat I'll probably need to slide the utility trailer out but boy oh boy has the parking space increased. I had been worried. When B was here we both parked in the side drive and it was tight. With the shed and utility trailer out it wouldn't have been possible. Now - lots of room. I'm glad I thought of that in the middle of the night.

He let me know that I was welcome to the last piece of his other cake that was in the fridge. It was black forest made by his friend who is a chef. He's from Switzerland and told S25 the story about how kirsh is made and used.
Supposedly one of the uses is by farmers on their cattle. Must be happy cows I expect.

I had been wondering about this friend and his marriage recently. They've been together for probably 15+ years and seem fairly happy but he's been spending a lot of time recently drinking and playing poker with S25 and others of similar 20 year younger age. His wife just spent a week "up north" with the boys and I had been wondering why their dad wasn't part of the adventures. They are real estate agents so have a pretty flexible schedule. I hope all is OK. They're nice people and were a big help when sorting out the value of my house came up. Having gone through a divorce I suppose it's natural to see problems where they don't exist.

The new bow tie I ordered arrived yesterday. Many of my ties have some sort of story or meaning behind them. Certainly any that I buy new do. This one is to remind me of B, how fond I was of her and the good times we had. I mentioned this to S25 when I opened the parcel and got an eye-roll and what could be interpreted as a "you've got to be kidding me" glance. Not that it matters any more but I do wonder what he actually thought of B. They got along fine but other than with me, S25 gets along with everyone. And he and I are generally fine.

After dishes I sat out front on my bench with my book on a lovely summer evening and watched the traffic drive by until it got too dark. My next door neighbours got in to a loud fight which they regularly do. I know that was one of the things that bothered B. For me it's been going on for so many years that I just ignore it. I did overhear "him" say "where would you get another boyfriend" and her respond "Andrew lives next door" - the argument got quiet at that point. It did make me LOL. The guy is IMO not much of a prize. He at one point mentioned that he had to go to mandated anger management class. We get along fairly well though and I have no intention of dating his girlfriend. I do often wonder though why she puts up with him but how can we know - other than the loud arguments - what actually is going on behind closed doors.

We had a lovely rain-storm overnight and when I woke around 3:30 I could hear the rain pounding down. A perfect time for a cuddle with someone special. Since it's just me I sighed and went back to sleep. I have noticed my CPAP numbers gradually getting better. Perhaps related to me getting used to the new bed?

I'm trying to treat my experience with B as a "teaching moment". I still am fond of her and I'm not angry at "her" more at what she chose to do. Outside of me / us though I was wondering what I could have learned about her as a person from what was available. She did say that she was big on family and certainly spent lots of time with GS3/4 but that was mandated and her son leaned on her a lot for that. She never really saw the others very often though other than talking to her daughter pretty much daily.

Looking at what was / is visible about B on social media one thing that struck me before and certainly does in hindsight is how little others interact with her. I know that she has 2 really good friends who live farther away who based on what I know about them probably spend a lot of time online, like B does. B pretty much never posts anything about her own life which is fine but I've noticed that nobody seems to pay attention to what she does post. Occasional likes from her STBX and when she tags a kid or gk they don't really seem to notice either. And I know they are active. Her "friend's list" is in the hundreds even though she is I believe rather discriminating on who she adds.

Is her relationship with her family damaged and I was just seeing a warm loving family that perhaps doesn't exist?

I do know that social media isn't an indicator of real life but it is one of the windows I will have on anyone new.

Like anyone I can't help but think through what went wrong, what went right in that relationship. Even though I think it was one of the killers, I do firmly believe that standing up for boundaries around not moving and not getting rid of the cats was right. Her attitude did seem to dim a fair amount when after first being accommodating when she was pushing suggesting that I could move in 5 years instead of 10 I hardened it down to saying that there was no way I would move unless it made sense either because I couldn't maintain this place any more or if it made sense financially. The cats too - where I changed from if S25 and his cats move out that's a good thing to if S25 moves out his cats certainly can stay here too - I don't think went over well.

Will she change her attitude on those things given time couch-surfing with her son? It's not something that I can plan on. When she left it certainly seemed quite definite that for her it was a one-way trip. No - "I need to get my cr@p sorted out an then re-evaluate". It was I need to get my cr@p sorted out and I can't see living here with you because I don't fit in to your world.

Not sure how to test that in a new relationship. Like with Ginger's M - she said all the right things, she did a lot of the right things. We didn't have enough time dating for me to learn if she would follow-through and TBH - her moving in was more of a case of she needed to move "somewhere" and we both felt that her moving here was the best choice.

I need to give these things thought before I jump back in to the pond. I am absolutely an amateur at this with no desire to go pro. I just want someone who I can share my life with and who will share their's. Someone comfortable in their own skin who has a kind and caring heart.

I have noticed that many single women at lest in this area are entrepreneurs running a variety of businesses from retail like the flower shop or gift shop to more home based. I think that there is a large number of single women of my age who are happily living their lives, perhaps interested in finding someone but not involved in the OLD world. I perhaps need to get out and about more to find them.

I am down 4 pounds as of this morning since B left. My weight fluctuates by about 6 pounds from week to week so it could just be a temporary down turn. I am back eating pretty much exactly as I was before B was here. The only change is I now eat a small handful of cashews every day instead of a hummus wrap and I've learned to make a really nice mushroom omelet. The "home cooked meal" that B insisted on me having on Mon/Tue/Wed are no more. She was never around on the weekends to cook so that stayed the same for me.

Payday today - I need to pay my bills including my VISA bill for my trip. Money has already been transferred out of savings. It's so comforting to know that it's all planned and I can just "do" things like this. A regular paycheque is indeed a good thing.

I think I'll take myself out for wings tonight like I used to as well. It's been a "looong" time since I've done a solo night out and the wing place I like going to the next village over, B didn't really like their food.

Well - that's about all for now.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2862265
08/21/19 04:24 PM
08/21/19 04:24 PM
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Not sure how to test that in a new relationship. Like with Ginger's M - she said all the right things, she did a lot of the right things. We didn't have enough time dating for me to learn if she would follow-through and TBH - her moving in was more of a case of she needed to move "somewhere" and we both felt that her moving here was the best choice.


That's the key - you need to take a lot more time dating before you do something like living together. It takes a long time for people to show their true colors. Even if someone seems like they need saving, don't do it - especially not so early in a relationship. How they figure out their own stuff will tell you something. Anybody you're going to date is a grown woman and should be able to handle her sh!t without being rescued.

I agree it's an unsteady world out there economically so staying put in your secure job could be a good idea, unless you have enough FU money and money in retirement savings to take risks.

Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2862649
08/24/19 02:44 PM
08/24/19 02:44 PM
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Wow - blowing through this thread again.

Summer seems to be coming to a rapid end. I have to close the windows at night as it is getting cool out. It does make for a more comfortable sleeping temperature than the mid-summer with a post-menopausal woman with severe hot flashes cuddled up next to me. I do miss that though.

Things slowing down in my brain I think. I had the idea yesterday morning to put some lights up in my new shed so that I could work on my boat regardless of the lighting. I knew that I had a part spool of romex left over from when I rewired the house 30 years ago so I picked up a plug, pigtail outlets and cages for them at the hardware store on the way home. Being unsupervised, I put everything together when I got home while still wearing my dress work clothes, got it installed and working just as it got really dark. I'm rather pleased with the result. The wire I had was about 5 feet longer than I needed so I scored on that too. It felt really really good to make the plan for the shed, and then when it came on sale as expected to execute the plan quickly. It's like the pre-bomb-day times in many ways when projects got started and then done rather than stalling.

S25 got home from his shift at the pub while I was relaxing with a beer and seemed to be in a more or less good mood. It turned out that he had been saving up some grievances. He accused me of scratching up his car when taking a ladder out of the garage - something which I denied. I haven't used that ladder in a very long time and certainly am careful around his car. He also accused me of losing an extension cord of his which looks identical to 10 others we have in the house and that he doesn't remember seeing for over a year. Shrug from me. He also accused me of telling people that his mother bought his car for him. That one struck a bit closer. I prevaricated by saying that I have told people that his mother helped him buy a car but that he was making the payments.

Low conflict but he was certainly seeming to be working at putting me in my place. Le sigh.

He also said that he wouldn't be home for Sunday supper which got another shrug from me. Since he didn't tell me what his actual plans are I can presume it's dinner with his mother but whether it is or not it really doesn't matter. It was good that he had the courtesy to let me know before my plans were finalized.

People here may well be proud of me though. I'm proud of me. I had been intending on pushing the subject on Sunday over dinner - one of the few times that we interact - and brought up the subject of him moving out. I wasn't pushy or aggressive, just stating the fact that it was indeed high time that he got independent and on his own. He didn't seem startled or put out and agreed with everything I said. I think that the combination of him being yet again frustrated by how difficult it is to live with me crazy along with my suggestion hit the mark this time. But then again he has a history of agreeing and then doing nothing. I did mention how awkward it was having B around and also said that I was intending on starting to date again in early October.

SIL1 has been glorying in her view into my ex-wife's life - and before you smack me Dawn - it really doesn't bother me. I do worry about her but in a way that also knows that she's dug her own hole and that it has nothing to do with me and that I have no part of it. The anger and angst has been ramping up in her social media posts, complaining about toxic people in her life, her job etc. One of her few remaining friends was egging her on to make changes. Lots of speculation could be made on if she's upset with OM, her boss, her family or all three. SIL1 thinks that she may circle around but I really doubt it. She is probably aware that since she reconnected to SIL1 that I'm hearing what's going on and we could speculate that she's expecting me to ride in to the rescue like I did for well over a quarter century but there's no way that I'd want to go in to that muck again. I do expect that she'll get the latest update about me on Sunday presuming that she sees S25 then. Not that he actually knows much about what is going on in my life. He sees me for perhaps 2 minutes most days. His other interaction is late at night on a Friday or Saturday in which case I'm usually up with a beer and a book if I'm up. Or on a Sunday when I've usually had a couple of beer during ironing and then wine with dinner. His impression of me is probably of a drunken sot who is sad and having difficulty coping. Which is absolutely not the case, but like a photograph only catches a moment in time without context, his limited interaction with me only sees those times. He doesn't seen me up early, doing chores, errands, keeping the house in good shape, at work, sitting with a pot of tea, going for hikes and walks. Because he's locked in his room, often with his bubble pipe these days only emerging for moments at a time.

I will be glad when he moves out. It will lighten the mood in the house and clear the air in more than one way. Hopefully my mention of October will give him a marker to aim for. I do know that with the two short shifts he gets at the pub that there's no way that he can afford rent but he has a car now. His original goal was to be moved out by his birthday which was a week ago.

-----------------

So - like Ginger, I'm having a problem letting go of the ghost that was B. Yesterday I went through my phone and removed all the call logs. I'd already removed the texts. My heavens. She called me a "lot" and for long calls. She used to call on speaker phone while doing other things and was always hard to hear. In person she has a lovely soft voice but she damaged her vocal cords quite badly after her husband's first affair - badly enough that she needed medical attention and was told that she may well eventually lose her voice - She'll still have her Italian hand gestures which she uses frequently. Her voice though when she talks louder is quite gravelly - not quite a "whiskey voice" but similar.

I made the choice to get myself a new bow tie to commemorate the good times I had with B. It arrived last Wednesday and I wore it on Thursday posting a "new tie" picture on Facebook. I think it looks nice. It's based on an illustration by children's author Sandra Boynton whose "Moo Baa La La La" book was a sure favourite in the P household when the kids were young. I think I can still do the voices.

I have similar momentos that remind me of other people, places and times. I think it's a healthy thing for me to have those personal touch-points to the past be it a picture, tie, cuff-links or whatever.

I sort of expected B to notice and react or comment. She didn't. I was dissapointed for a while but then now tell myself that it's all part of her letting go and not being part of my life. It was perhaps one of her biggest struggles in that she didn't see herself as "fitting" in my life. In hind-sight there were 1001 indicators that this was the case. That she wanted me in her world but didn't see herself in mine. Early on we had talked a lot about how different we were and how there would be a B, A and "us". We just never managed to do the "us" part.

I still follow B on Facebook and probably will until the end of September so that she can see my trip to Madrid. I think she'll like to see me enjoying myself. This week coming she's off to a production of "Come From Away" in Toronto which will be I think the first play she's ever been to. It's for one of her sister's birthday. I expect that she'll be having her room paid for and shared with one of her siblings. She's also got a wedding also in Toronto on September 14th. The same day I'm flying out which is fortuitous that that prevented my getting an invitation. If we were still together a nice gift and hotel would have been figured out. I'm sure she'll do something decent on her own although she's not as thoughtful of a gift giver as you might imagine.

After than, I'll step back even more and when I get back from Madrid then I'll give thought to if I'm ready to date again.

I do really care for B. But as people here have written to me multiple times, it's not so much "her" that I miss undoubtedly, it's having "someone" in my life. My cats while cute - Amy is atop a pile of papers watching me type - they really aren't the same as knowing that someone is "there". I'm sure everyone knows what I mean. I've never been a believer in "the one" or "soulmates" although my ex certainly was. I like to think that I can be compatible with a wide variety of people and make it work. I do know that there are as they say "lots more fish in the sea" - but there's also a lot of trash. The last time I went in to OLD I was in there for a week before B swooped in and scooped me up. Who knows who it will be next time?

--

Well time for me to start wrapping this up. I have a big pot of chili started. S25 doesn't like it with kidney beans which is just baffling but it's not for him. I put in tomatoes from my patio tomato plant and fresh oregano both picked this morning by a middle aged guy in plaid PJs and down at the heels slipper (I have no shame wink ) It also includes 3 very tiny but presumable incredibly hot peppers. S25 suggested that I don't chop them but let them marinate and then try to fish them out before eating. That's the plan.

Regular stuff on the go today plus a bit. I think I'll swing out to the farm for a quick visit with my youngest brother, nephew and SIL2. SIL1 is gifting me a nice wing chair that no longer matches her decorating that I was supposed to pick up today but typical of SIL1 - the execution of such plans is flawed and who knows when it will arrive. My oldest brother and I will probably need to coordinate.

I'm also hoping to pull the boat out of her shed and give her a good hosing down. She needs to be cleaned first before I start working on the paint. Since she has a shed now, I can take the lines from where they are stowed and flake them down and check them out more carefully. It will be so much easier to work on her now. I should have built this shed years ago but parting with the $500 involved did take some mental effort to get to.

At the bank I also need to order some Euros for my trip. I'm going to get 100 I think and then before I leave load up another 50 on to the pre-paid Euro VISA that I have giving me 250 on that. I can reload it in Spain if I need to.

D26 is heading out on her cross-country trip today. I sent her some bon-voyage messages. She's going to be documenting her trip on her SnapChat feed and I'll also be able to track her progress live on the Life360 app we both use.

Well - tea is done. Time to shower and get under-weigh.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2862664
08/24/19 05:25 PM
08/24/19 05:25 PM
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For the record, I donít believe Iím the only one who has commented that SIL1 should butt the h3ll our, but Iím not going to say anything else about it. I am beginning to think you rather like her updates and the speculations about what S25 may or may not be talking about with his mother, so if youíre happy, Iím good.

Bow tie was handsome. Shed lights look great. Hope your weekend is nice and relaxing.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2862666
08/24/19 05:37 PM
08/24/19 05:37 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,828
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hello yes I've mentioned that about SIL1 ... crickets, lol.

A, honey I'm sorry but since Don pointed out on G's thread that none of us spoke up sooner, I'm trying to speak up sooner. Hope I don't offend, here goes - when someone leaves, they usually don't look back. Photos from Madrid aren't going to change anything. I don't want this to sound cruel, but what makes you think she's even looking? She didn't make time for you when she lived with you. That's not likely to change now.

You've reminded me to ask son for the rent which was due last week. His hours were cut, but the lesson is you still owe the rent $$$.

Love the lighting in the shed. Bow tie is spiffy also. She didn't comment because she's moved on bud. Best for you to grieve and do the same.


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


ďYour task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.Ē - Rumi
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2862670
08/24/19 05:57 PM
08/24/19 05:57 PM
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Good job on deleting the calls! Next you need to not wait to delete her from FB. You do it because you think she will enjoy the fun you are having.... come on, letís be real with our selves here. You want her to want to be a part of the fun you are having and you hope she will see it and change her mind . I know that game. Iíve played it. It fails every time. Every. Single. Time. Thatís why I delete and block my exes. And I bet them not knowing at all makes them wonder more. They donít get glimpses into our lives when they need a ďfixĒ

Your SIL has an unhealthy obsession with your ex. It is kind of weird. She needs to respect your wishes. And you need to be kind of firm on them.

Iím a rip the bandaid off kind of girl as of more recently. And it helps me tremendously. I donít want to keep my self attached.

I have a dinner date tonight to fill the hole. With my bestie. And we like to EAT. Seafood. M used to call our seafood bottom feeders and said yuck. And always wanted to split appetizers as a meal. Dude, I wanted a meal!

Go back to your wing Wednesdays. Enjoy a meal with friends. Maybe, just maybe change up yourbaubday routine a bit.

Letís evolve.

Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2862748
08/25/19 07:05 PM
08/25/19 07:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,655
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AndrewP Offline OP
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AndrewP  Offline OP
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Hi. My name is AndrewP and I'm not great at letting go. (Hi AndrewP!). To scratch an itch I drove by B's youngest son's house on Saturday morning which is 2 blocks from my bank. I will say that I was both surprised and relieved to see her car parked in front. It helps. I'm very relieved to know that I was not lied to. Trust is so very difficult especially I would think during a break-up. I don't have any urge to drive past there again and I know that the odds of her ever wanting to get back together in the near term are really low. And I'm not intending on waiting for her.

I am proud of myself that last night I had very little urge to contact her and didn't. Silly - almost like post-bomb day and constantly resetting the no contact clock. There is nothing I can say that I've not already said and that she knows. Saying it again would change nothing. On a better note, we continue to have no velociraptor attacks and I don't need to reset that clock.

Other than that confession, which I was reluctant to make, there is one thing that has in some ways seriously weirded me out. Last night around 2 or so, I woke up and am positive that I clearly heard S25 say "Oh - Mom's here". Now I know that I dream very vividly. This morning there was a paper gift bag in the recycling box - that possibly S25 could have carried his leftovers in from his shift at the pub - but very unlikely, and the leftover birthday cake in the fridge was all gone. Again - there could be lots of explanations but the thought of my ex coming by the house in the middle of the night is pretty creepy. I can't imagine it to be true - but it is a plausible explanation of things.

I was woken up this morning by SIL1 who invited me out for breakfast. We were joined by SIL2, her mother and my wee nephew. It was nice to spend time with them. They were thrilled to be with a man who actually didn't mind going shopping. My nephew got a bit wound up when his aunt told him he could have a present from the store and so I picked him up and we had a nice snuggle as he calmed down. I don't see him much be we were best of friends after. I did visit with my oldest brother a bit later and got some fresh garden produce from SIL2's garden. SIL1 and SIL2's mother are co-conspirators on watching my ex wife. SIL2's mother actually sees my ex a few times a week when she picks up her lottery tickets at her store and regularly asks how she's doing in a friendly way. Yeah - my ex is not a happy camper.

For those playing the home game, D27 is currently being helped by her best friend to drive some possessions and her two cats across the US from Norfolk to San Diego. I can watch her progress live on Life360 which is kinda cool. As of right now they are just west of Jackson Mississippi making good time.

Well - time for my ironing.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2862755
08/25/19 08:34 PM
08/25/19 08:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,655
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AndrewP Offline OP
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Oh - and a couple of other minor things.

I bumped in to "Gift shop lady" at the cafe on Saturday. She was wearing leggings. I don't normally have a thing for very slim women but - oh my. I do believe that she's seeing someone now.

On a similar note, FSL mentioned on Saturday that she was having her mother-in-law come for a week's visit. I did know that she'd moved a few months ago to a place with a back yard. I was rather startled though. I do hope that it is a positive thing for her. She's gone through a lot.

And finally - the thing that got me back on here because I need to process - a nice lady who I've known for a bunch of years who I've referred to as "stalker lady" randomly reached out to me this afternoon via FB messenger. She's never interacted with me that way before. Her daughter was one of S25's friends back in the day and she's good friends with the owner of my friend's cafe so there's a bunch of common ground. S25 did tell me in no uncertain terms a couple of years ago that I'm not allowed to date her. We exchanged vague pleasantries both mentioning our single status and I indicated that I was busy with housework. Women it appears do fall from the sky. Going to try to keep this on a simmer - and it may just be a random thing. And I have some work to do on myself.

Tonight's menu is meatloaf, baked potato and veg with fresh biscuits. No cheese sauce - I'm feeling lazy. S25 is out "somewhere" / probably with his mother for dinner. I did find the box that his cake was in so he undoubtedly had late night munchies that involved him eating 1/3 of a rather large cake.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2863182
08/28/19 01:59 PM
08/28/19 01:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,655
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
AndrewP  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,655
Canada
Happy Wednesday and more importantly - Happy National Bow Tie Day everyone! I'm working from home today and haven't decided if I'll dress it up or not.

Dealing with a moderate amount of WTF in the last few days.

Yesterday, a long term colleague of mine was terminated. I get it. He's not been much of a contributor, his work quality isn't very good, he doesn't really fit in to the updated organization, a lot of people didn't like or respect him and after the reorganization budgets are tight. On a more personal note though, he is in the middle of a 100K+ renovation that he thought he'd get government funding for - didn't - his wife is a SAHM and his daughter is special needs - which was one of the reasons for the renovation. He's probably around 60 and I expect has few job prospects. I reached out to some friends at one of our competitors and basically got laughed at with the suggestion that he might have gone over there. I feel bad for him regardless. It certainly makes me both more and less nervous. Like having a land-mine go off next to you and knowing that there are a very limited number of them.

I've been writing in my personal diary in the last while - exploring some things in a lot more detail than I'm comfortable with here. To quote Inego Montoya "Let me explain... No, there is too much. Let me sum up." was that catch-up day's entry. I hadn't updated my diary since when it was all songbirds and sunshine with B. So there was some ground to cover including as I mention - a bunch of things I don't want to share here about what was going on in her life.

There still is a fair amount of WTF going on with B and the ending of that relationship. I "know" that it was for the best that it ended and that it ended in the way that it did. I also "know" that the odds of her getting her stuff sorted out any time soon is very low. And add on to that some of the very real to her reasons that it wasn't working for her.

I had dinner with one of my best friends last night. He's been going through a lot lately. His daughter just presented him with his second grandson and he's been helping out a lot there. His wife has been out for the count with a very scary cellulitis infection that she's just recovering from now. He was glad to get out for some beer and wings and chat for a change. He, like pretty much everyone else shares my WTF on B's departure. Superficially to most people it makes NO sense. She landed a comfy spot with a - not to brag - decent guy which is from what I gather pretty rare at our age. And she walked away from it.

She is I believe off with her sisters for a few days. My friend and I can't help but wonder if her family and friends are also doing the WTF thing with her too. Being fundamentally Scots / German in my outlook, the practical things make sense. Perhaps bttrfly can give her Italian perspective wink I do know that B's 91 year old mother was very happy with me, saw how good I was with the GK, how I obviously adored B, how B was respected and could live her own life without the controlling nature and related guilt of her STBX, and yes - had a big house that B could move her stuff in to out of her mother's tiny place.

It is interesting though how after the fact that some people will speak up about red flags that they see that they are quiet on before. SIL2's mother who is actually a couple of years younger than me, mentioned that it was a huge red flag to her that B seemed to be in no rush about getting her divorce. As in - keeping Plan B alive.

The plan continues to be to step away from B. It is her 57th birthday coming up next Monday. I had planned on making it extra special for her. She did say that in all the years she was married that her STBX never marked the day. I'm working on composing a brief but friendly message to her wishing her the best of days, thanking her for adding so much love to my life for the brief time we were together, and hopes for a bright future. I'll send it to her privately as a message that morning rather than the more usual public posting that I would have done otherwise.

In hind sight and looking now - B is a pretty isolated person. She spent her entire adult life from the age of 19 being a mother and wife. Her social circles were small but she is close to a couple of special friends. Because of familial conflicts which I've alluded to and the fact that she spent nearly 10 years not being able to interact easily with her kids / gk she is fairly distant from them. They certainly care about and for her, but she's not really part of their lives. She went in to in-house-separation when she was 54 I think. Left the house at her 55th birthday. Had some flings - some ill-advised. I could perhaps be counted in that list as well. Her social skills aren't that great - and yes - she eats with her elbows on the table wink I certainly resisted the temptation to play the part of Professor Henry Higgins and accepted her as she was. I worry about her future. I know that it is out of my hands. It's the Knight of Rueful Countenance in me I suppose still.

------------

One thing that I'm healed well enough to do is to look at the Facebook memories thing every morning. I enjoy it. Even when it highlights some of the great times I had with my ex-wife. This morning I had a smile because it involved a very flirtatious exchange between myself and CL who at this time last year was certainly engaging with me. Another bright spot in my past to put behind me. I think she's well on her way towards her own healing. She is going to travel to Montreal in a few weeks to be with my oldest sister / her sort of step-mother when she goes in for some cancer biopsys. My sister is very fortunate in that for many years she's been an active volunteer with the Canadian Cancer society and this has - perhaps unfairly - put her to the front of the line for the best care. She's met a lot of politicians, researchers and doctors through her volunteer work and has a strong support network. I'm glad that CL is going out there too though. CL does have many traits that I admire and "being there" for people who need her is certainly one of them. She does also have the ability to be arrogant and demanding but she's just human. She also, I think makes a great effort to live her Faith every day and not just at church which I admire. I honestly expect that her interest in me is a thing of the past but am grateful that I can still consider her a sort of friend. I wouldn't have dated her if I hadn't liked her.

My D27 is almost to San Diego. She is currently just outside Pheonix on her road trip with her bestie and her two cats. I believe that she expects to make it the rest of the way today and that she has plans to hit the last Waffle House west of the Mississippi before setting out. I sent her a picture of my breakfast omelette (I'm getting rather good at making these) in Snapchat with the caption "not a waffle". Her big thing is "hashbrowns scattered and smothered".

I got my hotel booking for Madrid confirmed. It seems like a nice hotel in the middle of the city about a 1/2 walk away from the Prado. Everything "should" go smoothly. I have a fair bit of planning and prep work still to do not the least of which is planning on doing laundry before I depart so I have enough underwear. Ah the complexities of the single man's life.

Well - enough for now. I need to prep for a 10:30 conference call where the departure of my colleague will probably be an awkward topic. I'm not sure if I'll go out or stay in for dinner tonight. I was out last night.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2863193
08/28/19 02:58 PM
08/28/19 02:58 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,647
D
doodler Offline
Member
doodler  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,647
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Happy National Bow Tie Day everyone!


Oh man! I've been waiting all year for National Bow Tie Day and I forgot to wear a bow tie today. Disgusting.

Tomorrow is National Chop Suey Day and you can bet that I'll be wearing plenty of chop suey tomorrow.

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