I’m sorry Andrew that you’re feeling so somber today. I think you are right to take a break. I’m in my car in my driveway and when I face east I see a flock of wild turkeys across my lawn having breakfast, seven in total.
Yes GAL activities are helpful. If I were to be introspective I would be asking why I chose to be with someone so very different from me and what lessons are to be learned from this. I wouldn’t spend any more time wondering about the other party in the equation as that wouldn’t help me to move forward.
The turkeys are getting closer. I wonder if they realize I’m here ??? I wish I could take a photo of them for you.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
((bttrfly)) - I wonder if they are the same sort of wild turkeys we have here. When I was a lad they had all been hunted to extinction I had presumed in my part of Ontario. Now they are a major pest. I do expect that we have mutual acquaintances who could pass pictures along.
Almost done the thread.
Got random ILU texts from B as I was driving in and again late morning. I responded to the second one like I would normally have. I'm actually rather proud of myself for not over-thinking things "too" much. Although I now stared at the screen for a good 15 minutes doing exactly that
Just because she unilaterally chose to move out and to decide that it won't work between us doesn't change the way that I feel. I just have to wait for those feelings to fade and turn in to fond memories.
I can't imagine that her decision was made spur of the moment although it kinda appears that way. There were lots of signs from way at the beginning that she wasn't comfortable. Reluctance to meet my friends and family and serious awkwardness around them. She was happy in her world and to have me in it, but not at all in mine. Her not unpacking to any significant degree nor putting her "stamp" on the house and only reluctantly referring to it as "home" over time.
I do hope that she does let me go my own way even as part of me wishes that she would want to work things out. kml would certainly be able to point out numerous things that I could have done better / differently, most of which I agree with.
Even though I'm now poking around in stealth mode on OLD, unless a woman drops from the sky in to my lap I don't have any expectation of dating until at least early October when I'm back from Spain if not longer. And even if a supposed woman does drop out of the sky - it's been know to happen - I have to in both my head and heart put the relationship with B behind me first. It would be unfair to B, to the possible lady and especially to myself.
I don't recall what her plans had been for this upcoming weekend but expect that she'll be back out at the cottage again with a handful of grand-kids. The weather is supposed to be fabulous. While she was comfortable bringing the GK to our/my house I don't think that she will so much to her younger son's house where I believe she has moved in. She has only historically had them over there a couple of times in the last year and a half. She may or may not tell her mother that she walked out and may or may not get an earful about that. Her mother quite liked me and I think the facts that I was able to provide for her daughter in a comfortable fashion as well as being a decent and polite person are certainly in my favour.
For me, I'm hoping to get out for a hike in the woods and have some monthly cleaning to finish up including the dusting and vacuuming plus a bunch of yard work.
I'm also taking the old Corolla - almost 540,000 km on it now - in for an oil change and to see what that "clunk" is in the front end when I go over bumps. If it's expensive and a safety risk I may well pull the trigger on a new car. Cash is a bit tight right now but that is in part because of money saved for the new flooring that B helped me pick out for the kitchen / laundry room. Fingers cross though that it's just a loose bushing that can either be tightened / shimmed or ignored and doesn't pose a safety hazard.
I was chatting online with an old friend this morning who suggested that I have - ahem - a lot of fun with the Spanish senoritas when I go to Spain next month. He has different priorities than I do. I can't see anything happening even now that we've split that a girlfriend would have an objection to. For one thing rather too risky in lots of different ways. I do need to start doing some solid planning and preparation.
As part of that - after some effort - I signed up for a pre-paid VISA card to take with me that I can load with Euros. The clever thing about it is that I can also load up other currencies including pounds, pesos and US$ and switch them between buckets - presumably with a charge. This will be helpful for next spring when I go to San Diego for my birthday to manage my budget there too. It also protects me a bit as I can leave my usual card in the hotel room safe when I'm out and about enjoying tapas and local wines.
Is it quitting time yet??? Please ???
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
((bttrfly)) - I wonder if they are the same sort of wild turkeys we have here. When I was a lad they had all been hunted to extinction I had presumed in my part of Ontario. Now they are a major pest. I do expect that we have mutual acquaintances who could pass pictures along.
yes I think the turkeys are the same. most people consider them pests. I love them.
re mutual friends to pass photos - don't think so? I've not had much luck on the Fb DB front? Hmm. might have to try my hand at that.
BTW, as a total aside, has anyone heard from Miss V? I'm kind of getting worried about her extended absence.
Your weekend plans sound nice, esp the hike.
Yes, I can totally see this being a spur of the moment decision on B's part. Seems most of her decisions are spur of the moment ones. She doesn't seem to be one to ponder overly long ...
Follow your instincts re: Spanish ladies, not old friend's. Yikes.
It's late-is enough that I'm exhausted or I'd write more, but did want to add that it felt like a military crawl to get to 5pm today. Don't know what it is about this week but it just seemed to d r a g.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
BTW, as a total aside, has anyone heard from Miss V? I'm kind of getting worried about her extended absence.
I had a lovely extended chat with Lady V just the other day. She is in my opinion doing rather well but I think still has difficult days.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
kml would certainly be able to point out numerous things that I could have done better / differently, most of which I agree with.
Not so, my friend. This was not a failure on your part. Sure, you could have spent more time at the lake but I don't think that would have made any difference. The fact that she was so reluctant to enter your world tells me a lot.
And although I agree that she doesn't seem to think things through, I don't think this was totally impulsive either - she was giving off vibes for quite some time prior, that's why you were starting to wonder if she was using you. (Which I don't think is true btw).
As for her texting ILU now - nope nope nope. She specifically stated that she did not wish to continue the relationship, right? So she doesn't get to keep stringing you along as Plan B. If she tries it again I'd just say "I really cared for you B but now that we are no longer in a romantic relationship this is not appropriate. "
It’s not right, the I love you’s. Exactly what KML said is what you need to say. You only get stung along or put on a shelf if you allow it. Don’t allow it.
I totally agree.. you do not show ( action ) love by leaving. You have been a good partner to her. You supported her. You opened your home and your life to her. She did the same at the beginning but then withdrew slowly from you. Her words and actions no longer matched.
I do beleive it is for the best to go your separate way. I had tge impression that you would have made all tge compromise and she would have kept asking for more and more out of you. She was not a good fit for you but you would not have known if you would have not try..
And although I agree that she doesn't seem to think things through, I don't think this was totally impulsive either - she was giving off vibes for quite some time prior, that's why you were starting to wonder if she was using you. (Which I don't think is true btw).
I also don't think she was using you, just jumped too quickly without looking first. I don't think she ever stops to consider deeply the consequences of her decisions.
Originally Posted by kml
As for her texting ILU now - nope nope nope. She specifically stated that she did not wish to continue the relationship, right? So she doesn't get to keep stringing you along as Plan B. If she tries it again I'd just say "I really cared for you B but now that we are no longer in a romantic relationship this is not appropriate. "
Andrew, this one is probably going to be hard but I agree ... that's a limit you're going to need to set and stick with.
xoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I am 100% in agreement w/the other posters....you do not want to be Plan B or set up on a shelf until she's ready to come back around. The ILU's...nope...you don't leave then say them.
B just has too much baggage and needs to sort through it before she gets into a relationship. I hope that she can get herself sorted out, but that won't happen as long as her adult son is relying on her for her full support/attention and her husband is still in the picture. Until she gets them sorted out, she'll continue to flit across the pond back and forth and one day, she may come to realize what a true gem that you are and it will be too late.
Glad to read that Ms. V is doing well. If you chat w/her again, please send my regards.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
