Thank you. I have done that because I felt the financial burden when both of the kids were in FT summer care, so I thought that he should be providing more. I did get the amount that is required for my state and submitted to H. When I sent the information about the discrepancy with the updated "child support," H said that he doesn't have to pay the full amount because when he sees the kids he incurs an expense because he has to fly... It isn't entirely true because I put him up, buy the food...
I sent him the separation/settlement agreement in March and he has sat on it...
I do not want to push the issue and I know that if the D does go through I will be compensated, but I'd rather have him do the work so we can R the Marriage.
Thank you Steve once again for your amazing input. You really have a good handle on DB-ing. I need to brush up!
You are right. I have been GAL but my 180s need work as you've pointed out.
I guess what I was trying to say is that I don't want to push him into getting the settlement agreement signed, just so I don't have to suffer at all financially. But again, you are right, I have no control over him.
If he stops staying with me it will definitely cut down on costs for sure and it will force him to provide for himself. I know that I will miss his company.
I am not sure if I did the right thing, but after the child support conversation went south, I blocked H on my phone and at the work messenger.
It feels really nice, before I would be waiting for a response from him. Always trying to keep him informed of the kids, sending pictures/audio clips... Sometimes he wouldn't even acknowledge them. The times he would reach out were only if he was heading my way for business. When it was close to then he was really dialed in to his family...
Now I email him if i need something for the kids. Today I sent him an email requesting a form for the B&A care and instead of writing back, he called me. I sounded really nice on the phone and thanked him for following up. He seemed surprised.
I hope I'm doing this right, but it seemed like a good boundary!
Lilly remember. You deserve better than this. I often tell LBWs that hold on for dear life "Man I wish I had a W thatI could year this way that would stick around no matter what I did!" You have to have respect for yourself before you can expect him to respect you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I'm working on that. It's hard, but it shouldn't be. The more I detach, the better I feel. I'm interested to see how it goes next time he is in town, when he stays elsewhere.
It feels good to be detached. I have been so focused on me. I have started a new exercise program, enrolled in college to finish my degree, and got some help to take things off of my plate (weekly meal delivery service & cleaning 2x/ mth). It's nice to have some time back to myself. I have been getting up early to exercise at 0400 and I haven't been able to do so in the past 2 years... I had no drive to exercise.
I read somewhere that when you are left that it takes about 2 years to feel normal. I think it's true. I haven't felt like myself for a long time and the things I am doing now are more like the old me, but with a lot of growth and courage.
My H would never approve of any help with cleaning (thought it was me being lazy). I'm away from my house for about 12+ hrs/day and I'd prefer to spend any time I have with my kids, instead of scrubbing the bathroom... It's nice to make that choice without fear of judgement.
The meals are nice too because the shopping part is already done. My S and I like to cook a lot, he really takes after his Dad. Last night we made a meal together and it was really nice. He was so proud of himself.
H has been gone for 9 days and has reached out to the children twice. Unfortunately only after I prompted him to do so. All I am doing is loving on my kids, because they don't deserve to be treated like that.
He told them he’d be home in a few weeks. I didn’t say anything but the kids seemed really excited. That breaks my heart a little, but I know that him staying elsewhere is for the greater good.
My S is having another procedure for his eye on Monday so I’ll be home with him that week.
My class starts next week and I’m really looking forward to it.
I exercised 5 days this week in the morning before work and I feel very accomplished.
I’m planning to get out and do something with the kids this weekend as well as decluttering a few things to prepare for back to school.
Since H pretty much refused to help with the cost of BTS supplies and clothing I’m going to go through all of the kids outfits and return anything that’s isn’t necessary and I’m okay with that.
Checked our joint account and the $ for the school supplies was there.
H has also done a great job making sure to call the kids. I have not had to remind him. Our S-11 had surgery on Monday he is recovering and doing well. I am home this week with him to make sure he's okay.
I have kept up with my GAL activities, haven't missed any workouts from my program and I've been cooking a lot more too which really makes me happy.
It seems like I'm spending more than I should. Part of me wants new things and things for me that I want... I'm not sure if it's a negative action or not. I can afford what I'm buying, but it feels wrong for some reason. Things I have purchased include self care items like body scrubs, eye masks... I purchased a few belts because my heavy pants are getting loose. I also bought some new clothing. Nothing too fancy, just a few T-shirts and a pair sandals to replace the ones I tossed bc they were 10 years old.
I'm not sure how to find out if I'm buying this stuff to cope with something or if it's something else. Before I was married I shopped quite a bit, but I couldn't afford the habit. =)
