You guys just told me to let you know how she reacts to my DBing so you could interpret
I don't remember saying that. In fact, I remember myself and a couple of others telling you not to DB while looking over your shoulder to see how she reacts. What you were told was to come here BEFORE doing or not doing something to get guidance.
I know this stuff is hard, and your circumstances make it difficult. Just hang in there and keep trying.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ah sorry Steve my bad. It was another stander. I found it. He said my next post needed to be I did xyz for the first time and this is how she responded and not W just did this what should I do. Sorry. My bad
I’m gonna get this. I’m gonna be the awesome version of me that is attractive and confident and alpha. Hopefully it brings W back.
If it doesn’t than I’m a better me anyway
I hope sandi is right and it can be saved. I tell you what. In my next R (hopefully with my W). I will not make the same mistakes again.
I don’t know how many if you are into this kinda music but I’m goin to post some lyrics of a song that really helps me a lot when I’m feelin like I don’t wanna dB. Band is shinedown. Sounds corny I know but maybe one of you guys will like it
I know your clinging to the light of day To tell you everything is gonna be ok And medication don’t do much Yea it just numbs the brain
I know some think I’m a little intense I’m on the bright side of bein hell bent So take it from me your not the only one Who can’t see straight
If you were ever in doubt Don't sell yourself short, you might be bulletproof Hard to move mountains when you're paralyzed But you gotta try And I'm calling out Get up, get up Get a move on Get up, get up What's taking so long Get up, get up Get a move on Stop stalling, I'm calling out Get up, get up Get a move on Get up, get up Ain't nothing wrong 'Cause I believe you can be Whatever And I agree you can do much better, just trust me
This song really does seem to speak to me when I get to spiraling. Maybe Listen to it if your in a bad way and you like music. I dunno
Slept terrible last night. Dreamt of her all night. Dreamt she found these forums and was beyond pissed. Had a “meh” day yesterday. Things felt off. No time for GAL yesterday. Had to pay some bills and grocery shop. It’s hard to GAL during the week cause I get off work in time to shower and figure out supper and get S to bed then time for bed. Maybe a little time but not much. I’m gonna have to plan better
I’m in pretty rough shape this morning mostly cause all the dreams. It hit me that she is being nice and complimenting me and being respectful and all these good things and they have been consistent. Which is really good and is what MWD says to look for and hopefully the trend continues
It could also mean nothing and she is done and just being friendly and nice until she’s got her ducks in a row. It struck me that night of bd I told her that I wanted to work on it but if it was really over than it was over but I would always have her back. I would always be there for her if she needed me. Maybe that was a bad thing to say I don’t know. It was before I found these forums
During dinner last night I couldn’t think about what to say at all and she is asking me “what you thinkin about” like 6 or 8 times an evening now. All the vague responses are starting to annoy her. She actually wants to know what’s in my mind and she can tell there’s more than what I’m letting on. I don’t kniw what to do here. Things just got a touch tense yesterday (not in a good way) cause I didn’t know what to say. She finally said “well I guess we can just sit here in silence while we eat then if you don’t want to talk”.
You can tell we took a small step backwards yesterday. Hopefully today will be better.
Man I miss her. That’s the main emotion now. I just plain miss her.
I’m not very imaginative. It’s hard to be an exiting guy. I don’t really know how to pique her interest and make her attracted to me at this point. My initial 180s sure helped a lot. But this stage seems harder
oz, and the cycle continues. After your great response over night, you send this?
Dreams are dreams. If you shouldn't react emotionally to anything SHE says or does....you certainly should not to anything you dream she says or does. I know, easier said than done. And over time it will get easier. As I've said before, your sitch is still in the infant stages. Keep working. And keep posting this stuff here.
Next time you are eating dinner with her, talk about the weather. About the tractor you fixed that day. Keep it light. Fresh. Fun. DO NOT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING HEAVY, AND CERTAINLY NOT THE R. Same rules apply, if she brings it up...listen and validate.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Think of some GAL activities that interest you, research, look into them. Aren't there some things you used to do or have always wanted to do? They might not happen today or tomorrow but maybe next week or the week after. You could talk about those when your W asks what you are thinking.
I have a brother on the West Coast that I had not traveled to see since he moved there 10 years ago even though he came here once or twice a year. I thought about how I could make that trip and it took a few weeks to get organized. That was a conversation that I had with my W when she asked what I had been thinking about. She all of the sudden became very interested in my new activities.
Don't forget GAL can be going for a walk or a run...doesn't have to take that much time out of your day. You can discuss how that makes you feel when your W asks you what you are thinking.
You can't appear to be depressed, sad, etc....that just plays into why maybe some of the relationship has fizzled. Women want a confident happy man.....it's very hard at first but fake it till you make it.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
lost 8 nailed it in his last paragraph. Happy. Upbeat. Pleased. Confident. I would routinely whistle a tune while I was walking around the house or doing something around the house. She needs to see you happy and confident.
That's how you become AMOAFWL.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
