After I posted earlier I recieved a call from my L asking me did I reach out to my W? I said no I have not, her exact words were "Get off the phone with me and call her" " You have to bite the bullet here and take your chances"... ok so after some talking with L I called (no texting) she didnt answer. I left a message, about 10 minutes later she calls back... She says Hey... I Hey how are you... very pleasant very friendly... I would swear she was like the old W I used to have... we start talking about the L's and how can we come to a better arrangement for our children. I said well you are demanding 30K up front I just cant come up with that money, she says I dont want that money up front. and so its goes like this...
She says:
I just want whats best for he kids...
I just want the dog to have a place to live...
I dont hate you at all....
I moved out to help my mom...
A few times she starts get emotional but I stayed on track... I dont think she wants back in the marraige but something is different.
I asked if she could please help with the dog and she said yes, I then said you are welcome here anytime you want to visit the kids and dog. She gets a little emotional on the phone. chokes up... The conversation lasted 30 minutes bc her lunch break was up, she said I will see you tomorrow, I said ok lets see if we can come up with a better option then just selling the house she said ok... we shall see what happens tomorrow...
This is the first convo I have had with her in 10 months!
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
That is a positive interaction. Word of caution to not get hopes up for anything. Keeping it real brother.
Study up on your validation. You’re gonna need it. Conversations in person are more difficult. Don’t be afraid to ask for a break if you need it.
Kind of sounds like she is a bit unsure right now. Validate(stupid autocorrect changed it to alienate!!) her feelings if she talks about things. Just listen. It goes a long ways towards making her feel safe. I haven’t read your whole sitch and I don’t know your goals. Listen and validate. Having her L tell yours to have you call her is a bit strange I guess but maybe she is telling herL that she is having second thoughts and doesn’t want to proceed at the moment.
I havent spoken with my L in 2 months. My W is gonna have to push this through on her own if that’s really what she wants. She isnt doing anything at the moment. We have had a couple conversations and the listening and validation really helped quell the anger and let her open up just a bit.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
BH - My 10 cents......I would just listen, validate and hear her out. I think its perfectly fine for you to take some time to process things if she brings up R conversation. I also think you will know pretty quickly what direction the conversation is going to go. I would also make sure you don't project any anger or attitude so she feels comfortable opening up.
Just got back from court, W was very friendly very nice, asking me all kinds of questions about how my family is... etc.etc. She asked me if i worked last night I said no, she said oh good so your not tired. She then told me she is going to lunch with D20, I said great. Again the convo was light and I validated her throughout... no pressure from me at all. She did say that S23 and S22 are not talking to her, I said I am sorry I hope that changes.
My L and her L finally arrive and then the negotiation starts, W then agrees to take 5K less than agreed upon and wants me to keep the house for another year. I have 60 days to think about it. So we are pretty much done when something occurred to me, if I agree to this I will lose my health insurance. My L then says well hold on let me see if they will agree for a 12 month seperation agreement. W agreed with the 12 month separation agreement. All ppw is being written up for me to review and I have 60 days to agree.
I think this is all positive for me and I am very happy!!
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Several situations have gone by and I have not been actively updating so I thought i would share updates.
Very sad news as one of my best friends of 46 years has passed away, suddenly. It was just heartbreaking. I am devistated and just got over the wake and funeral. Very painful. The only good thing is that I was asked if I could coach his 11 year old son in soccer... I was so happy his wife asked me, I really want to be there for his family.
My wife and I have been talking as she expressed her condolences and we talked for about 15 minutes, we have talked several times in the last few weeks all pleasant. She will also help finacially with the dog. I take this one step at a time, no pressure from me at all.
She is still very slow with regards to communicating with her L and we are at an time when we are basically done with the D but she needs to confirm the agreement. So back to court we go on Aug 6th bc she wont answer the agreement. I have seen all the emails between L's and it seems my W's L is as frustrated as we are.
This was a very difficult month for me as far as losing my friend I went to visit him in the hospital and my running has been slowed. I will pick it back up tomorrow. Good thing as I was not running is D20 started running again and she keeps asking for me to start back up... I will and I hope to run a 5K with her before she returns to college.
The weather is warm here I am off for a few nights as I wait for a new truck, I may take a ride to the beach just by myself. It took two years to realize its ok to do things by yourself.
If your new on this site, I am sorry you're here, know this... it will get better with time. Listen to the vets. There is no quick fix, just GAL like crazy and amazing things will happen.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
