Ok thanks everybody. I mean it. You guys are awesome. Steve R2c sandi cadet lost cw LB LH IHCLACS ANYBODY else I didn’t mention. You guys are the best. It’s nice to know people like you are out there
If anybody has anything at all about my giant post this morning. I’m all ears. Things are changing at my house in a good way. Like I was saying about the kinda flirty faces she was making at me. Things she wouldn’t do to anybody else but me.
It’s subtle but it’s there. Little things that are hard to post about. About how she will get so close doing something that i have to move out of the way not to be pressed up against her and it’s kinda awkward. How apologies when we bump into each other are awkward.
I’m trying not to read into it cause you guys told me not to. But it’s hard not to. I’m usually a pretty hard optimist
It’s actually getting good enough that it’s getting hard to resist touching her. I just don’t cause I would hate to set myself back.
My response to your long post: you assign way too much significance on individual actions and statements from her. That sets you up to be easily manipulated and exploited. You need to really work on detachment and not watching her through a microscope.
Many many WASs have reacted to LBS' GAL and detachment by manipulating their LBS to stick around as Plan B long enough until they are ready to move forward on Plan B.
Focus on you and your actions (GAL, detachment, 180s). Stop laser focusing on her.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ok thanks Steve. I appreciate it. You told me a while back that instead of asking what I should do and what to say to her I should go DB first and then give you her response to interpret. So that’s kinda what I was trying to do. Also trying to answer sandis questions and R2Cs questions
I will try harder to focus less on her. I was just trying to give you her reactions to what I did.
oz - I haven't kept up with your whole sitch but did read the long post.
You are laser-focused on the minutiae of her reactions.
Another reason to stop (in addition to what Steve85 wrote): Minds love to create stories. When there is no story, minds will create one. Minds will create stories that match what we want to hear. Not reality.
One thing I learned from CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Analyze the thought, and think of alternatives. For instance, your W asked you about her boots. You took that as a positive. That could be true. It could also be true she just felt insecure about her boots and you were the person there who could give feedback. Maybe she just wanted some positive validation and knew you would give it for her. Maybe she sensed you were seeking some positive interaction and wanted you feel a little better because she feels so awful about breaking your heart. Maybe she forgot for a second and slipped into old MR patterns. Maybe she's trying to confuse you deliberately. Maybe she wants to make sure the boots look great when she goes out without you. Maybe it meant nothing at all.
I hope you get my point... anytime you post a "what does that reaction mean?" I could give you about 10 different answers. Try this a few times. Take whatever your initial reaction is, and start thinking about all the other possible explanations. It will help you stop worrying so much about her reactions. And it will free up mental space for you to focus on yourself.
Sigh. You guys are right. I guess I’ll stop trying so hard to analyze her. I was just trying to bounce my evening last night and my morning this morning off you guys.
I got me that I declined what she wanted to do. Told her I had my own plans so she changed her plans to align with mine
I guess the boots thing was less about her boots and more about my complimenting her and her reactions to it. Cause I want to do compliments right. Not wrong. And not too heavy too fast.
I just wanted to let you guys know because her reactions are somewhat important right?
You can observe her but you just can't tie it back to she is having some drastic change.
Early on after BD my XW flirted with me, she kissed me one evening at a party and was flirting with me another time, touching up on me, etc. when we went out with friends. Called me honey, dear, etc. but it didn't mean a thing.
They have emotions, are confused as well, run hot and cold, etc. so don't take one pleasant evening and automatically assume things are turning around.
Right now you are getting scraps and your like a thirsty dog just hoping you get a sip of water.
Or rather than treat every reaction as an indicator, take a rolling average over a period of time as an indicator. Consistency is key. MWD talks about this in DR - experiment, and look for consistent results over a couple weeks. The point is not to completely ignore your W, but to stop over-analyzing every single interaction.
