Married 28 years, 3 teenagers. He left/moved out because of me (mental illness). I do not blame him so I have cooperated with him fully. We agreed on a settlement 3 months ago since he wanted this done fast. He has not filed. He is miserable, angry, sad and frustrated (his words via text). It's not because of me it's because of our kids. They don't see him that much and one has disowned him. I'm on a new med so I'm happy. Turns out him leaving was a blessing. The kids say our whole house is happier now.
I'm NC but had to see him. Ugh and I screwed up big time (I was a bad co parent). He said he had hope but now he has none. I thanked him for bringing my bad behavior to my attention. Said I wanted to be a better person for ME so I would fix it. I started immediately (texting). At first he ignored me, sent angry texts back, etc. I ignored his rants and rocked on because I want to be a better person. Within days he was being civil and he is communicating some teeny tiny personal how he feels back. Still angry, sad frustrated, etc.but it's more than I've gotten in months. He wants to ignore me (I can tell) but doesn't. He's afraid I'll stop doing the right thing but I won't. I'm actually pretty darn detached. Kids and I spent Friday night giggling hysterically it was GREAT!!
For the record this is NOT LIKE ME.....at all!!! Criticize me and I make excuses. I'm not using this as a way to suck him into a conversation either. Its ALL business. This too isn't like me and he knows it. He's known me for 30 years just my choice of words would give me away. I'm either sincere or I'm not.
I'm okay getting divorced because I know the kids and I will be fine hence the detachment. My only struggle is being in limbo. We will both have to move and not knowing when bothers all of us (the kids all live with me).
I feel like details are missing here. You had to see him? You were a bad coparent?
Maybe it is irrelevant based on the fact that you 180'd. However I have to 2x4 you on "I'm NC but had to see him." That is like saying "I am vegan, but I just had to have meat." or "I am low carb, but I just had to have a donut." or "I am celibate but I just had to have sex." You can't be the first, if the second is true. Understand that the word 'but' undoes everything you said before it.
NC means NC. It means you only contact him when it comes to coparenting your kids. Period.
Your last paragraph baffles me. Let me put two of your statements together, and then give a potential outcome: "I am okay getting divorced and I struggle being in limbo, so I am going to contact a lawyer and file for divorce."
Otherwise, I do not understand what all of this means.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I did kinda get in a funk this weekend because I got an email regarding our lease.
He's living in a camper and the kids won't visit until he gets a permanent place. He can't get a permanent place until we move (lease is up in 2 months).
It's cheaper for him to live in the camper than to pay me child support.
Still hoping for a reconciliation so not filing yet. I wish I knew what his plans are. Overall I know I’ll be ok regardless of the outcome. Our daughter was in the hospital and I handled it badly.
Doesn’t care if he has a permanent home. No motivation to get off the fence. I was hoping the lease ending would give us an answer but it won’t. Our teenage daughters hate the waiting too. My youngest tries to get him to rent something just so she will know. I can’t stop her because he will get angry. This is between the two of them.
I'd say he doesn't care about any of it. If he did he would be making different choices.
In the majority of the cases the LBS has to finally get fed up and file for D. When they do that is up to them. But WASs, a lot of of them will sit in limbo forever.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I feel sick. Because of my kids I have to stick it out until it gets bad enough for them to want me to end it otherwise I’m the bad guy. I refuse to be the bad guy. I have an acquaintance who did this to her husband for 3 years. She waited for him to file and he never did. She paid all his bills same as my husband does. Eventually she got sick of waiting and filed.
