If he starts the conversation, then I should switch my question to "tell me about your day" instead of "how was your day." Or should I avoid asking this question altogether because it seems like pursuing?
I wouldn't ask questions. Listen to understand and validate.
Thank you. I try but he doesn't say much and when he does it's the cryptic stuff above.
Took a kids to see a movie tonight. All but one came...that one chose to stay at home but not because dad stayed home too. It was nice to laugh and be carefree for about 2 hours.
Looking for stitches that have the LBS as the wife and the WAS the husband. I know what we say and do when DBing is the same for both sexes but it might be encouraging to hear what other women have/are going through.
Not feeling that great today. I've been sick for about a week and I don't feel any better even though I'm on meds. I'm feeling pretty down today. As someone else suggested I am reading " Not Just Friends" and having a difficult time with it today. I had to put the book down because it triggered a sense of panic...how it was at BD.
H just left the house to "get himself a treat." He has made the habit to leave the house everyday. This is when he calls her...I'm pretty sure of it. I don't react or don't say more than ok. Then I get the kids ready for bed.
I'm GAL tomorrow night, which for awhile now will be my night to do something for myself.
[quote=HB_Wife]Looking for stitches that have the LBS as the wife and the WAS the husband. I know what we say and do when DBing is the same for both sexes but it might be encouraging to hear what other women have/are going through.
I'm with you. Much of what I am seeing lately is about WAW/WW, and although as a LBS we are all in the same, or similar boat, I believe, typically there are differences among genders. Each situation is different, and I have gained lots of knowledge and have felt supported within this forum, sometimes it is easier to relate to a situation that is similar to our own.
I'm sorry you are not feeling well. It is so hard, but so important to take care of ourselves through all of this. I was quite sick few times over the past few months and found it took me much longer than usual to recover. Hopefully getting out and doing something for yourself will help! Feel better soon!
Mine was/is a WAH. He walked away with an OW and is reinventing himself or at least trying to. As I've often said...you can't divorce yourself and he will figure that out sooner or later. If you want interesting reading, check out my sitch. My WAH is in a league all of his own when it comes to living a double life. And that's not a good thing.
I know how tough this is HB. I went through hell. I'm happy to say, however, that I went through it and things are much, much, much better on the other side. Truth be told, my WAH was an a$$ of epic proportions to live with...moody, resentful, secretive, absent 90% of the time... Once I was able to take the blinders off and remember exactly what living him was like and face my fears, dropping the rope got that much easier - in fact, it seemed to be the only sane thing I could do given everything I found out about him - especially knowing that I probably only know 25% of what he did.
One way or the other, if you follow the advice of the people on this board (I did not do it soon enough IMO), you will get through this and be a much better, stronger, confident version of yourself whether you end up reconciling or not. Do NOT be afraid to let go. It is the only way to get him back...assuming you will even want him back at the end of this.
Do NOT be afraid to let go. It is the only way to get him back...assuming you will even want him back at the end of this.
^^ This is the advice I continue to see over and over again. Often in posts where couples have reconciled. And not just on this site, but all over the web. That being said, it is so hard to do. Fear keeps holding me back. I hope that the more and more I am able to GAL, stay busy, and detach, the easier it will be to let go.
Do NOT be afraid to let go. It is the only way to get him back...assuming you will even want him back at the end of this.
^^ This is the advice I continue to see over and over again. Often in posts where couples have reconciled. And not just on this site, but all over the web. That being said, it is so hard to do. Fear keeps holding me back. I hope that the more and more I am able to GAL, stay busy, and detach, the easier it will be to let go.
Thank you CSL. I also keep seeing the same phrase. I am doing my best to let go... small steps at a time, telling myself over and over that it's okay to let go and move on, to be strong for the kids etc...
I didn't GAL today...came home sick instead. Rest right now is more important to me. Plus it not often that the house is quiet and I'm alone.
DejaVu6, I'm going to look into your stitch. I hope to learn from it. Thank you for the hug.
Checking in...doing my best to GAL. Taking a class once a week, going to PT for some back pain, taking the kids out 5o the movies and cooking for a friend who just had surgery.
It's funny how when I don't pursue, he gets mad. Example, he went out tonight to "run some errands" when he gets back I'm already for bed. He got upset that I did not wait to shower with him. He actually was at home when I took it, but I didn't go look for him when he arrived. I just figured he was in the kitchen chatting or playing his online game on his phone.
Question: when a guy is the LBS they are encouraged to become an alpha male. How should a female LBS carry herself? Some suggestions would be great. Thanks!
Question: when a guy is the LBS they are encouraged to become an alpha male. How should a female LBS carry herself? Some suggestions would be great. Thanks!
That's a great question to ask. It's along the same lines. Be strong, independent, lose weight if you need to, exercise, spruce up your wardrobe. Project to your H that you don't need him, that you are recovering and detaching. The idea of all of this is to rebuild your confidence and self-worth. If you do these things you will start feeling better about yourself, you'll feel more confident and other people are going to notice and compliment you and that in turns boosts your ego. That confidence is eventually what may attract him back again. No one is attracted to sad, needy, desperate people. But strong, confident people are very attractive.
Way back before I was married I broke up with a girl I was dating and she was super sad and needy and desperate. I could not get away from her fast enough! Much later I dated and broke up with another girl who was the opposite, her attitude was "your loss" and she never looked back. She became distant and mysterious, and THAT made me wonder if I had made the right decision. It's just human nature, we don't want what comes easy to us but we do want what seems difficult to obtain.
Question: when a guy is the LBS they are encouraged to become an alpha male. How should a female LBS carry herself? Some suggestions would be great. Thanks!
To add to what AS said:
Quote
1) Start off by living a healthy lifestyle. Make healthy choices when eating. Drink plenty of water. Get good sleep. Exercise regularly. Take care of your body. Alcohol in moderation. Set a goal to reach, and then maintain, your ideal weight.
2) Make good grooming and hygiene a ritual. Accentuate the differences between the sexes.
3) Dress with style - fit, compliment, cohesive, unique, personal touch
5) Awareness/Flirting ( 93% of communication is non verbal (body language) – study and enjoy what you find attractive and your body will naturally follow your thoughts. It is the ladies job to catch and hold a mans eye, several times if needed. This signals it is OK for him to approach. It is the mans job to approach the woman.
6) Social proof - Enjoy interacting with everyone, especially attractive members of the opposite sex. Maintain your personal boundaries with everyone.
I believe a small selection of good smelling perfume also helps. Two of my favorites : "Guess-Original-9531" and "FireAndIce"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
