There is no rush, not ready for cohabitation. I have not spent enough time around her kid, my kid and all three of our kids together. I am also still getting to know her, learning her quirks, etc. It is also still nice to be able to retreat back to my house for some space and sanity. Logistically moving in together would be rather easy outside of my girls being comfortable, accepting it, being ok with it etc. Now that the kids have met and are getting exposed to us sleeping over, etc. the next step will fall into place as the kids gets more comfortable with the other person being around. The more that happens I can see how fast things can start to fall into place.
Her kid was a little better this time around without my girls being present. He is a very happy kid, giggles all the time and is a constant talker. His mom is his "person", just randomly tells her that he loves her, just constantly seeking her attention. He likes to test boundaries, won't accept your first answer if it's not what he wants to hear, and asked me to play with him multiple times. He is not an angry little boy but gets very frustrated when he doesn't win, changes the rules mid game so he can win. He is not into sports, loves his stuffed animals, getting butt tickles from his mom, very picky eater, and very much loves his i-pad. He is going into the 2nd grade and just very much wants attention and interaction. I can tell the way he interacts with his mom is very much about wanting attention. For example, he licks her, squeezes her boobs, likes to run around naked, tries to bite her, etc. He tried to pull that crap with me, trying to lick me so I told him what he does to me I get to do it back. He no longer had the desire to lick me. He just does things to try to get a reaction or rise out of people. But again he is not a bad kid he just wants attention and as an only kid has no other kids to play with. You can tell though that the Dr. just wants a break and I am sure its not easy being a single mom with a kid 90% of the time.
However her son didn't seem phased one bit by me spending the night. She put him to bed, he never got up once and when he woke up I was outside doing some work.
Still learning about her as well and her quirks. The only things that has really stood out so far is that she is kind of a micro-manager. She just can't ask me to do something without giving me, her 10 cents on the subject. While I am driving she just doesn't sit back and ride she has to interject where to turn etc. When we leave her ranch we always stop at the dumpster to throw away our trash. She can't just sit back and let me do it so I have to remind her that it's something I want to do. I might be old fashioned but there are some things that a man needs to do.
So we got the kids together yesterday and we all met at the local water park. This is the second time this has happened in about a month. Everything was fine between the kids, they played some, we had lunch together, so overall it was cool. However it was the first time I felt awkward.
My girls are laid back, he is non-stop in your face. So he was wanting me to play with him, throw him, and be rough with him. Which I did a little bit but it started to get annoying so I stopped. My girls didn't say anything but I felt bad on the inside because he wanted to play. I could tell it was the boy in him and he doesn't really ever get to experience that male type of aggression because 95% of his time is spent around women.
Now this kinda torqued me a little bit. I didn't have my girls last week and on Thursday she was taking him to a big water park and asked me to join. I went and we had fun but my girls didn't go since I didn't have them. Again, I felt bad and I wasn't going to say anything to them. I wouldn't have lied but I know they would have wanted to go and telling them served no point. So yesterday when we got to the park the first thing out of his mouth was how we went to the water park with your Dad. I don't know if he said it just being a kid or if he said it to rub it in. My D's blew it off but it bothered me some. The Dr. apologized to me for it and I have had conversations with her in the past over me coming to terms and accepting that I will more than likely be with someone else's kid more than my own just because the majority of women have custody. It is just a hot button for me because of what I went through when I was a kid and I don't want my daughters to feel like second class citizens.
Hi there J9 - one thing that came up a seemingly long time ago that you and your Dr may have to discuss is whether you are sure on not reversing your vasectomy. I bring it up because it was a deal breaker for a friend's daughter who wanted kids and her husband didn't. You'd mentioned before I believe that the Dr wanted another child.
In some ways this boy reminds me of the GS3 that has appeared in my life. He's adopted is he not? I'm reasonably certain that there were substance abuse problems with GS3's mother which to me explains part of his somewhat similar behaviour. It may need to be something that you'll want to educate yourself on. On the other hand, different people have different parenting styles and behaviour that is acceptable to one family may not be for another. Something hard to deal with I would imagine.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Hi A....she does not want any kids at 47 she told me that window has closed for her. That is a non-issue and she is actually happy that I have one.
She and her XH did adopt their son and I am not sure if their were substance abused problems or not but I do know that his biological dad has been in and out of jail/prison.
The kid definitely pushes boundaries and I am sure there is a rough and tumble kid in there just waiting to get out but he it can't because he is around women all day long. I also don't think the Dr. is a drop the hammer type of person. Her style is to make deals with him......if you continue to do this you won't get that. I do think she has more patience than me.
I am also aware that I am used to my girls and not him. As I am watching his behavior I find myself looking at my daughters and determining if they do the same thing but I am just used it from them so it doesn't bother me. For example, yesterday I was leaning up against the pool wall and my girls were swimming under my legs. He started doing the same thing but instead of just swimming under my legs he had to make contact with me, hitting me with his head as he swam under me. It was annoying. Another time he started to climb on me, just messing around but then he started to grab my hat off my head. His mom stepped in and told him to quit messing with my hat. Then he came up with this game to see if he could swim to me and touch me but he had to get through my outstretched legs first. Ok no big deal but when he couldn't get around them he started punching my feet, pulling my toes, essentially resorting to physical contact. His mom would never let him do that because he shouldn't hit people. Ok I get it from her perspective but from mine he is boy and has some aggression...let the boy work it out. He was trying to hurt me but he wasn't so then he started to get frustrated and do more annoying things to win the game and touch me. Then he gets pissed off and cries.
The Dr. bought me a pillow to keep at her place and once he found out it was mine he wanted it for himself and actually put his pillow case on it. I told the Dr. that it could be a territorial thing and since she is "his" person he might not be used to sharing her. I just wanted her to know that I am aware that this could happen. She said he always wants what someone else has. Ok fine but that combined with some of his physical aggression towards me certainly is something to monitor and be aware of. In his little mind he could be thinking he is getting replaced or he could be jealous of me because his mom is giving me attention that he is not getting.
Then when I think about him telling my girls about how he went to the water park with me and they didn't go makes me wonder even more. Do I have a little "Boss Baby" on my hands?? It's this sort of stuff with the kids that makes me tap the breaks even more and not rush into anything.
Hmmm - he does sound a bit like GS3. He has this "thing" where he needs to know the ownership of everything and then announces that item x/y/z is "his". He is well known to take things like B's glasses for example and hide them for himself. He stole the keys for my house until I learned to put them out of reach before he gets there. He also pushes boundaries quite a bit. Perhaps this is common with a 3 year-old - it's been a long time. Given a chance I think that he can become quite physical but B puts a stop to that quickly. He has had bruises after being with other children.
B says that even having raised 6 kids and done baby-sitting that she's never encountered someone like GS3 before. Perhaps part of it is that GS3 has had a lot of uncertainty in his short life, being shunted from one place to another and also having people popping in and out of his life certainly can't have been easy on him.
What B says is effective for her and I've seen work is that she sits with him on her lap, rubs his back, lets him play a game or watch a video on her phone and that calms him down. Yelling, or the usual sort of time-outs etc have no impact on him. Otherwise he just gets wound up more and more.
He's an outwardly sweet kid but I do think more than a bit messed up inside. Hopefully the little boy you are dealing with is a bit more straightforward. I do see similarities though at least through the stories you tell.
I've not dealt with them personally myself, but suspect that adopted kids need a special kind of love and attention.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I will just have to monitor the situation. He could also very much be just a normal boy and I am just not used to it after raising girls. He likes to run around naked as well and is very much a this is what I want to do type of kid.
At the water park he had to go pee and the Dr. asked me if I could take him into the boys restroom. Sure, no problem. so he stands 4 ft back from the urinal and starts to pee with horrible aim and it goes all over the wall. I was like "no, no buddy you have to move closer, that's not how we do it". So I got him to move closer and when I took my hand off his shoulder he scooted back again. I said "Buddy....you have to stay close". He asked me why and I told him so he doesn't pee all over the place. He said..."Oh, I don't care about that it's fun the other way" and ran off. Again, I don't want to be the strict, angry and mean BF.
I guess it's been a week but I don't really have anything to talk about. The Dr. and I are still moving right along, tomorrow will be 6 months. I had my girls last week so I only saw her last Sunday and then we went out on the boat and watched fireworks Friday night, then I saw her at the gym on Saturday morning. Saturday night she came over, we played Uno with the girls and then she spent the night but left Sunday morning before the girls woke up. I saw her at the gym yesterday morning and then I went over last night after her son went to bed for about 2.5 hours.
I don't have my girls this week so I will probably see her on Wednesday and then this weekend is kid free for the both of us so we will have the entire weekend together as well.
School starts for my girls in about a month so we are taking a trip with some family friends to a resort about 2 hours from town and the Dr. is going to come with us. We are leaving on a Thursday and coming back on Sunday, we got a 2 bedroom Villa so it will be my daughters and there friend along with the parents. Her son is with his dad that weekend so he won't be able to come.
We have a concert upcoming in about a month as well, at the end of August so that will be fun also.
My feelings continue to grow, I continue to get more comfortable, and things have been really easy between us. There is no drama, she has met a few of my friends, no parent meetings yet however that will happen in September as she has asked me and my girls to come to her sons birthday party. She tells me she loves me very frequently, we still have sex every time we see each other unless the kids are around, and she takes a picture of us every time we are together and posts it on her SM accounts. She made some comment to my oldest D that she can come to Italy with us after we retire so it seems to me the Dr. is already thinking big picture.
Other than that life is just moving right along. The XW has caused no drama and seems to be ok with the situation. When I dropped the girls off at her place yesterday she was sitting on her porch and I could hear her BF's Chiuwawa barking on and on inside. She asked me if I wanted a dog.......I said "nope" and just said my goodbyes to my girls. On the inside I was thinking....you made your bed now go enjoy it!
When I dropped the girls off at her place yesterday she was sitting on her porch and I could hear her BF's Chiuwawa barking on and on inside. She asked me if I wanted a dog.......I said "nope"
Yeah...I thought it was kind of funny. We had 2 dogs when she moved out and back then they were one of her stressors. One has since died and the other is still alive but I kept them in our D. So when I think about her life now and watching or allowing to her BF to bring his dog over it makes me laugh but it also reminds me of what I miserable place she was in over 2 years ago. She wanted out so bad that anything in her path was the target of her displeasure.
6 months today for the Dr. and I......she sent me a sweet message this morning. Going over tonight after her son goes to bed to celebrate and I saw her this morning at the gym. She was on the stair-stepper and I walked up and slapped her rear. She smiled and gave me a kiss.
My birthday is next week and the Dr. has started making plans. I have my girls so I am not completely sure what she has up her sleeve. I also think her sister will be in town as well so it may just have to wait. I gave her some gift ideas though since she asked.
She is gradually incorporating me more into her life. Yesterday she sent me a text message asking if I would help her mom program her new smart TV. She actually sent me a copy of the text her mom sent her asking if "her J9" would be willing to assist. I told her of course then she commented on how I have a servant's heart and she told her mom I would before even asking me because she knew I would.
In other new I jacked my back up lifting the other day at the gym and had to go see a chiro. It was pretty rough. I am also checking into refi-ing my house since the rates have dropped so much. I sent my mortgage guy and email and he thinks he can save me some money. That would be nice!
