I am really mad at you guys right now. I decided that I needed to step up my game today, so I got my back waxed for the first time in about 18 years. I blame all of you guys for the pain I have just gone through!!
Kidding aside, I have definitely noticed a difference in my wife's actions and words the last couple of weeks. She has been asking me more about my day, calling me honey (has done this off and on since the BD, but still a difference), nice texts and genuinely seems to be in a better mood. When I got home today, she said my new haircut looked nice. I know, STOP CARING ABOUT WHAT SHE IS DOING; FOCUS ON YOU AND NOT HER; BELIEVE NOTHING THAT SHE SAY AND HALF OF WHAT SHE DOES; NO EXPECTATIONS. But, I still think there is a chance things are getting a little better. I still might just be in friend zone; this is a real possibility. But, maybe she is noticing my 180s. I will repeat, NO EXPECTATIONS.
I will take one good night of optimism. I know I am still on the biggest rollercoaster ever built.
Steve, I am not sure I can be that magnanimous. If she doesn’t fight for our family, I am not at the place where I can desire her happiness I'd that means no family. Maybe I will get there someday, but I am not there today.
D - I understand it is tough, but this underlying attitude will only drive her further away. It is completely counter-intuitive, and really hard to do naturally. I've been there, I get it. This is why GAL is so important. It helps you work on detachment and understand only you can make you happy, and that life circumstances require you to be resilient or you will always be knocked around by the waves.
Destroyed. Heaven knows that's how sacrificial we are that were willing to be miserable just to keep the family together and work through things? I know it sounds very codependent not really about genuine love...But A man will go through Great Lengths for the love and the protection of a woman. He would die for her and his family. Can any woman here say that they would take a bullet for their husband? Again not to turn this into the Battle of the Sexes but... I know there are a lot of selfish men out there as well that are cheaters, and only think of themselves and their feelings and their situation and their own un happiness as well. But it needs to be pointed out that men are the true romantics throughout history. Someone please find me an example, muere wife took the hit for her husband, stepped in and died for him. I know they will do it for their children, because it's in their nature to give unconditional love to their children in most but not all cases. I know I'm generalizing here again and I'm not trying to play victim status, but when a man goes through divorce he loses a lot more than just his wife he loses his family his home his finances, and his sense of self worth, identity and purpose, until he rebuild it on his own and for himself.b like a man grasshopper his headship is decapitated and discarded. Funny now that I think about it and mention it when my wife and I were first dating and sleeping together, we used to kid around with one another about that with the grasshopper analogy, and she used to play please try to bite into my neck and try and decapitate me after we were done. Little did I know then 12 years later I would feel like nothing more than a sperm donor for being left for a more promising life after having S1, and working like a horse to keep the house in the family together, although coming up short on occasion because of my Tradesmen ship
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:22‭-‬25 KJV
IHC, it isn't the wife's job to take a bullet. That command was given to the husband. That doesn't make the husband more magnanimous than the wife, just that they have been given different roles.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Would it be appropriate to create a new thread on 180s that people have done? I think it could help us to explore 180s that each of us have done. For instance, I have done the following:
1. Lost weight 2. Exercising a lot 3. Cooking dinner with wife 4. Organizing more activities with my children 5. Started using cologne 6. Got my back waxed 7. Updated my wardrobe
Would it be appropriate to create a new thread on 180s that people have done? I think it could help us to explore 180s that each of us have done. For instance, I have done the following:
1. Lost weight 2. Exercising a lot 3. Cooking dinner with wife 4. Organizing more activities with my children 5. Started using cologne 6. Got my back waxed 7. Updated my wardrobe
I believe we already have those.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
8. Learned better listening and validation skills 9. Put down all electronic devices when my wife talks to me 10. Give wife full attention when she is speaking 11. Come up with interesting news article or story every day to discuss with wife
Some days I do a great job with getting a life, but man I like just hanging out at the house. I know that I need to stop doing this, but when you work all week, it is nice just to be home.
So, I have a question. I am interested in pursuing some sex. Before I made a move, I thought that I should ask here first. It seems like things are a little better between us, but it has been such a long time. I feel like I am in the friend zone, and I would like to get out of that zone. Is there anything I can do to help with this? Other than intimacy, I feel like things are better. I could totally be fooling myself.
