remember this is his crises...you keep moving forward
Thank you PT. I needed to hear those words.
Currently at my in-laws. The subject of H came up with step mil. "His dads finally talk to him a few days ago. He's been trying & trying. Have you talked to him?". I shook my head no, but said we text during the fires (a few weeks ago). Mil "I'm surprised; he's not even asking about D3?!" I shrugged my shoulders. "He must be really busy".
Glad Fil spoke to H.
It's his crisis. His challenge.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Yes. This is his crises. His challenge. I REALLY have to remember that.
So far our visit with multiple in-laws has been perfect. It's all about them spending time with D3.
There was one moment when step-MIL mentioned it's been difficult for H's father, to get in touch with him, but H father was finally able to talk with him. S-MIL asked if I had talked with H lately? My reply was a no head nod. Then S-MIL made a comment like, "Does he ask about D3!?" I quickly replied, "we had connect during the fires (a few weeks ago), he gets busy, you know how how he is. Same old same old". I tried to brush it off as nothing to be concerned about. Hopefully that will be the end of that, although the S-MIL, love her, she wants to know everyones business. She's married to my H father. Those men are SO much alike. Both S-MIL & MIL have said they hope my H doesn't start acting "crappy", like the father did. Guess there have been moments in the past. Any way, my FIL, is wonderful. I have seen a bit of this behavior in the past, and know S-MIL & him have had their struggles, thrown out the D word, and they are still together. They've both GIL and I think it's made their marriage stronger. I see a huge change in FIL.
We've got one more night here & then spending a few hotel nights with H's mom & family. (My MIL, step-FIL, two sister-in-laws & a niece). Both sides of H family get along. It's a wonderful thing.
*H parents have both had other partners before settling on the ones they have now. Does that mean the same fate for my marriage? Totally different circumstances, but you've got to wonder.
Reminder: This is H crisis. His challenge. The best thing I can do during this time is to give him space.
Thinking of getting a small tattoo whole I'm here. I've got lots of extra hands to help with D3. I've already got some. Been thinking about something small. We'll see.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Yesterday was H BDay. It's our last day with H mom & family. H father & wife will pick D3 & I up tonight. All of us will have a few hours together. I feel sick today. And I'm trying not to think about H. So hard with all his family around. Faking it & it's making me sick I swear. I just want to be home and have a good cry.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Had a nice evening with my in-laws x 4 (and a 1/2 BIL, 1/2 SIL, and 1 sister in law, & 1 niece). It's wonderful D3 & I can see them all at once and they all get along.
H Bday was yesterday. I used D3 private social media account to send a quick BDay wish from some of H family. (I was not included). I wasn't going to do anything & felt guilty, because others where sending him messages. Felt I needed to do something to keep up with my act. Today I felt bad for H, spending another bday at work. I debated, & sent a quick email via H work, from D3. Short and sweet. Hope you got my card...we did a video... (He's been at sea/work for over 3 months now). That will be it for those kind of messages. Was it to much? I can't take it back.
D3 and I head home tomorrow. I'm barely holding it together here. I want answers! I want to ask my FIL how my H sounded/was when he recently talked to him. But, I'm standing & part of that is acting as if everything will be okay. Whatever he needs to figure out it's not my crisis. I gotta be strong. I can do this. I'm not feeling strong. Anyone have a favorite quote for hard times? I could use a few new ones.
Last edited by CanBird; 08/18/1912:11 PM.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
He talks about hope and faith and believing for the best very unlifting!
There are no real answers for MLC
It is a real mystery for most, even when we have seen it first hand
In theory, they say a person has a breakdown a real crises..at midlife around age 40 due to unresolved childhood or past traumas they change dramatically, often becoming someone else SO unless that same person has some kind of awakening or professional or spiritual help-
MLC will take over just like a mental illness might take over at some point in life if someone is genetically suseptible I personally believe that to be true
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
He talks about hope and faith and believing for the best very unlifting!
There are no real answers for MLC
It is a real mystery for most, even when we have seen it first hand
In theory, they say a person has a breakdown a real crises..at midlife around age 40 due to unresolved childhood or past traumas they change dramatically, often becoming someone else SO unless that same person has some kind of awakening or professional or spiritual help-
MLC will take over just like a mental illness might take over at some point in life if someone is genetically suseptible I personally believe that to be true
Thank you PT
I'll have a look tonight.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
I've been listening to a lot of videos on MLC, (Michele's are truly my favorite. An Alien has my H! ) For a few days, after being with H family, I tried going cold turkey; not reading/watching anything. Then I was listening to the radio, a spiritual one with current music that really lifted me up. I'm not religious, but I do believe in the power of choice. We have a choice in how we do everything. I have to choose my own path and do what I believe is the right. I have to have the same respect for H. And I believe he's not in his right mind. I hope his being away at sea/work until November gives him the time he needs alone. If he needs more time, I support him. He's my friend, I care for him. But I will always stand by the vows we took.
Looks like I'm just babbling on at the moment. Anyways, the videos help me be okay.
I have a job application. Handing it in next week. No promises, but it's something on my To Do List.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Feeling Good. Love ticking BIG things off my to-do-list. Finally handed in a job application. Position is for 'Child Care Staff'. D3 can come to work with me, & I'd get a gym pass! Guess I'd better get some new gym clothes! A few things. You've got to dress for what you want. What I've got now is tired looking. Anyway, excited about that. Funny how handing in a piece of paper can alter things.
As I was handing in my application, the lady at the front said, someone had put in a good word for me. And that friend told me that she'd spoken personally to the guy that hires. Wow! Unexpected and awesome. I've been out of the work force for 5 years. I'd like to start with something little like this and work towards getting back into pediatric dental. Orthodontics is an interest of mine and I do have a friend that manages an office. Was just there today; stopped to say hi, met one of the dentists. I told him my dental background and he said, "Great! Want a job?" If only I had more child care. D3 will be in Kindergarten in 2 years. My long-term goal is to work more at that time. I want to spend as much time together as possible. Geez, 2 years is not far off. Yikes!
I'm reading book 2 of a series. I was so excited when the librarian told me it was ready for pickup. Nice to bring home something for myself and not just kiddy books. Don't get me wrong, I love reading to D3. She's a good kid.
Fun stuff happening in September. Stay tuned.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
