[ozman]

Ok thanks Steve and R2C. I will wirk in that. I play darts. So maybe that. I’m a few pounds away from some abs and I used to bodybuild. So I will try that.

Specific question:

Hypothetical convo with W

Me: I’m going out for a while you got S?
Her: uh yea, where ya goin?
Me: just out for a while. (Or do I tell her). Let’s say to play pool
Her : uh, your not gonna tell me?
Me: ????

[ozman]

Part 2 real quick. I know you have touched on this already. BUT. how does me leaving and and sticking her at home with S like she has been for the last 8 years gonna make her anything but pissed at me. It’s

1 more of the same old behavior from Oz.
2 proof that he haven’t changed leaving me with S while he does whatever he wants
3 just confirming that I want to D him
4 I want some freedom! But its always Oz Oz Oz. Everything revolves around him
5 so I’m here miserable at home while he is out having fun.

This is probably my biggest hang up on GAL

I just cant wrap my head around it no matter how hard I try

[Ready2Change]

I would definitely make sure you are pulling your weight in parenting 50/50.


You need your time away and so does she.


H:"W, I decided I want to start playing darts again" shut up and listen.....
W" Bla bla bla bla bla" let her talk and listen...then validate
H:"I understand. I believe we both need a break from parenting: SHut up and listen
W:"Bla bla bla"

H:"Those are good points. I will think about it and make my decision"

[Ready2Change]

So her sister lives close. Would she watch your child for a few hours and let you both go play darts?

Just an option.

[ozman]

Ok thanks R2C. This is gonna sound stupid but help me on this then

1 I tell her I’m going to go play darts or I just say I’m going out?
2 do you mean W and I playing darts together?
3 how do I validate “so your going to do what you want while I’m stuck here?”

Right now I just got home she is not here. Don’t call right? Fighting that wonder who she is with knot in my stomach

She will prolly call here in a while. What do I say?

[ozman]

I’m not gonna. But I have the urge to call her and catch her in the middle of whatever she is up to. I hate the suspicious rabbit hole. I can tell this is why detaching is a must. Does it take time to detach? Like it’s hard to untangle everything you have intertwined with the live if your life

[Hallzy9]

Right now sounds like a great time for some GAL. Stop sitting at home wondering what’s she’s doing and go do something fun and productive for yourself. It will help you to not think about her when you’re busy GAL.

[ozman]

Thanks Hallzy. I just had a brand new friend actually just text me. His GF is working a double and he’s bored

[Ready2Change]

1 I tell her I’m going to go play darts or I just say I’m going out?

Say going out first (Being vague) is she ask where then "I am thinking about darts"

2 do you mean W and I playing darts together?

Yes. Do you think she is open to this?

3 how do I validate “so your going to do what you want while I’m stuck here?”

You do not validate this. "I would say "Would you like to join me?" If she says No, then "If you want some "you time" tommorow, I can watch child and you can go do whatever you want."

If she says "What about child". You say, "let me see what I can do"...then call sister in law and ask if she can watch child for a few hours.

If she says YES then, you way "Let me see if I can find someone to watch child for a couple hours."

Fighting that wonder who she is with knot in my stomach

Where is child...hard to have affair while parenting.

She will probably call here in a while. What do I say?

Let it go to voice mail. Listen to it. Do not respond right away. Think about what she says, come up with a response.

[LH19]

Oz,

It takes a really long time and effort to detach especially when you’re living with one another.