They are not supporting their daughter but supporting the alien who is destroying their daughter
Don’t forget that what you call the alien is actually their daughter. It’s just a side of her that you didn’t know. Although she may (or may not) regret it in the future, she’s still acting on her own will and is totally responsible and accountable for her actions.
According to my ex, one of her relatives, a respectable psychiatrist the age of her father, told her that it was totally normal and Ok for her to have an A if she wasn’t happy in the MR. That was a couple of months after BD.
So yes, some of them won’t only provide emotional support but will also give ridiculous advice and validate what she is doing. But WWs will find that validation elsewhere anyway. The controversial ebook we were discussing talks about this. The author called them man-hating feminists. I’ll add the word demons as well.
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
I'm not saying that all relatives do the right thing. A lot of them will just not even try to understand what's really going on and will give horrible advice.
95% of them give horrible advice, but their hearts are in the right place. Even doing it because they want to stay on their child's good side.....how can you blame them? I mean as you said the child is going to do it anyway, why be ostracized along with the LBS?
It is easy to say "I wouldn't support my kid in doing the wrong thing", until your kid does the wrong thing. And then your love causes you to make excuses, rationalizations, and justifications.
Last edited by Steve85; 07/11/1908:27 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
[quote=MLCxH] Don’t forget that what you call the alien is actually their daughter. It’s just a side of her that you didn’t know.
What I call the alien is the destructive change possessing the person during the time of crisis. If the daughter decided to do drugs because it made her happy will the parents support her because the addiction is a side of her that they did not know? The point I was trying to make is that when someone goes down a self destructive path over the long term people who care about them should have the guts to give the right advice. But as you said, some of them actually give ridiculous advice and validate what she is doing which unfortunately destroys the family and the person more than anyone else
Even doing it because they want to stay on their child's good side.....how can you blame them? I mean as you said the child is going to do it anyway, why be ostracized along with the LBS?
That is the difference between a parent who cares about doing the right thing for their kid and a parent who cares about having their emotional needs met by their kids
When a teenager throws a tantrum, there are some parents who let them because they don't want conflict with their kids and there are others who do the right thing if the kid "hates" them in the short term
But as you said, some of them actually give ridiculous advice and validate what she is doing which unfortunately destroys the family and the person more than anyone else
MLCxH don't misquote what I said I said that they can (and will) give horrible advice, but I didn't say they will destroy anything. It's the WW who makes her own decisions, with or without the parents.
I just wanted to clarify because the in-laws are rarely responsible for what's going on
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
I actually had my father in law on my side. He even threatened to never speak to her again if she continued the craziness. He didn't want to see our son in a broken family. He asked me to hang in there. But in the end she went ahead with the D. We can have all the allies we need in our defense, but in the end this beast is beyond control.
Plus like the vets above me wrote, they don't really know their child anyway.
B.D in December 2018 Physical Affairs discovered in April 2019 Divorced May 2019 H (me) 49 W (her) 29
I actually had my father in law on my side. He even threatened to never speak to her again if she continued the craziness. He didn't want to see our son in a broken family. He asked me to hang in there. But in the end she went ahead with the D.
My FIL is not a strong personality. My ex used to tell me that about him (her father). She used to be frustrated that he is weak and would call her all the time to ask her for emotional support. Although he was sad about the D, he wouldn't have had the guts to do what your FIL did.
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
MLCxH don't misquote what I said I said that they can (and will) give horrible advice, but I didn't say they will destroy anything. It's the WW who makes her own decisions, with or without the parents.
Haha. The quote was just about the advice part, the part about the destruction was my comment I agree that end of the day it is the WW/WAS that has the responsibility for their decision. They choose to seek out people who validate their craziness whether it is their parents or someone else
Originally Posted by gzabetas
I actually had my father in law on my side. He even threatened to never speak to her again if she continued the craziness. He didn't want to see our son in a broken family. He asked me to hang in there. But in the end she went ahead with the D. We can have all the allies we need in our defense, but in the end this beast is beyond control.
Plus like the vets above me wrote, they don't really know their child anyway.
I guess end of the day the WAS/WW will find one way or another to validate their decision. But it nice to see parents having the guts to do the right thing instead of pandering to their child. I can even understand if they don't put up a fight and let their daughter do her thing. What is wrong is when they start validating history rewritten by the WW/WAS just to be on their good side
when someone goes down a self destructive path over the long term
Only time will tell if my ex chose a self destructive path. For now, the only obvious destruction is that she lost me Other than that, I can try to convince myself all I want that she made the wrong choice, but that's mostly my hurt ego denying that she has a chance to be happy without me
If you're still here in 10 or 15 years, I will let you know how she's doing
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
The point I was trying to make is that when someone goes down a self destructive path over the long term people who care about them should have the guts to give the right advice. But as you said, some of them actually give ridiculous advice and validate what she is doing which unfortunately destroys the family and the person more than anyone else
MLCxH don't misquote what I said 
