I’m not going to be rude so I replied today during my lunch break. You guys told me to tell you guys about our convos so you could interpret plus I want to see how my validation is going
Me: just saw your text from yesterday Her: I’ve been slammed today things have broken at work (insert a bunch of details here) and the other office lady isn’t here today Me: wow, that sounds really stressful Her :yup Her again: we are not allowed overtime so I had to clock out but I’m eating while I work Me: man, sounds hard Her: yep, it’s been a long day Me : sounds like it, I’ll make dinner tonight to make things a bit easier on you Her: I’ll be fine when I get out of here
I didn’t reply after that because I couldn’t gauge her reaction. I didn’t want to pressure. I wanted to validate her feelings of being stressed at work. Also show her some love by making dinner (an action). But not pursue.
Did I do ok or did I fail?
First, what was the text you missed? In general you should not be texting her back unless she asks a direct question. And then answer in as short an answer as possible. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers.
Not responding to informational texts is not rude. It is giving her time and space.
You did find except offering to make dinner. That is what a committed husband does for his committed. It is not what a H does when he's been fired as a H, and his W may be involved in an EA.
Your validation is good. I would have ended it with "it sounds like it, it must be rough having a day like that."
If you want to make dinner, then just do it. It would be there when she got home. No need to try to score points by telling her you are making things easier for her. ACTIONS not WORDS.
You did ok. But you can do better. Most newbies can improve. Remember, your sitch is brand new.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It’s sure frustrating that everything is almost back to normal. Key word almost
Been reading your sitch and mine is similar. I'm getting "normal" but with no physical touching. And then periodic attempts at starting a fight. It's hard but Steve85 has good advice.
Hang in there man. I don’t think I have much to offer. Except to say your not alone. Do you get the urge to tell her you love her and want to work on your M and you know she could be happy if she tried?
Yeah i do. The minute i stopped things got a bit better. She knows where i stand, i dont need to remind her. Im in my final DB stage of more GAL, confronting more boundaries, and minimising conversations. My approach is to think how to behave if i had a room-mate. I have to keep thinking like that and not as an H so she feels the consequences of her decision. She's still eating her cake and I'm letting her. But the more i detach the more i realise she's not for me unless she changes. I've changed too much and IC warned me this could happen. I feel my desire to stay is more about codependency. But door is open and if accepted will come with strings.
Ozman, how's GAL and self-differentiation going? I'm spending an evening alone by choice and decided not to distract it away with books or TV. That's rare for me. It sounds like you also have few "free" nights.
