Cadet's question is a good one. Most LBSs get over confident and pursue right away when their WAS stops distancing. Guess what happens when they pursue again? Their WAS starts distancing again.
Remember, when she wants to come back to the marriage you will know. When she doesn't, you will be confused.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The most important thing is that you continue to make your positive changes regardless of how she responds. This gives you the best shot of "fixing" the relationship in the long run. Because over time, as she sees your consistency, she can trust that your changes are real and lasting. That is when she will start to rethink her M with you. For some people that can take many weeks or even months. For some, it takes years. That is why we keep telling you that you have to give this a long time and be patient. I think you can do it. So try not to stress over every detail and what is right or wrong with DBing, and just focus on being the best man you can be. It is almost that simple.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Why would W want me to pursue her if she doesn’t want to come back yet? Seems strange
Hi Ozman, I remember you haven't had many relationships. I like it when ex's pursue because it means I have options, safeties, fallbacks. Your wife's reasons, of course, could be totally different.
W was not home when I got here. She had S with her. I DBd and didn’t call her. Just got to work in the yard, perfect right?
She calls about 40 min later
Me, hello? Her, hey, what’s up? Me, diggen a hole for post. What’s up? Her, oh well you could’ve called. I’ve just been setting over here at Sisters house after picking up S Me o well I wasn’t trying to bug you Her ok well we were watching a movie and I was starting to doze. What you want for dinner Me hmm I dunno. Salad? Burgers? Her ok well I’ll head that way
Ok guys interpret please. I thought I shouldn’t call cause that’s pressure. But she obviously wanted me to call
So now what?
Oz, that's not important. It means nothing. You've really got to quit trying to read meaning into every little interaction that happens. She didn't "obviously" want you to call. Don't call, don't pursue, don't be needy.
This morning. BOOM your life is falling apart remember? come back to reality
Nothing changed between yesterday and today except your PERCEPTION. Every time she throws you a bone you run over and grab it up and assume recon is just around the corner or maybe already happening. Oz, DROP ALL YOUR EXPECTATIONS. You've got a very long road ahead of you, there are no shortcuts to get to the destination.
This morning. BOOM your life is falling apart remember? come back to reality
Nothing changed between yesterday and today except your PERCEPTION. Every time she throws you a bone you run over and grab it up and assume recon is just around the corner or maybe already happening. Oz, DROP ALL YOUR EXPECTATIONS. You've got a very long road ahead of you, there are no shortcuts to get to the destination.
^^^^^^^^^THIS
Think about this.....all of the shortcuts you might be tempted to take, will get you to D sooner. Be patient. Let the process work.
REMEMBER (I am going to keep saying this until you get it): When she wants to come back to the marriage you will know. If she doesn't, you will be confused.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
