So the kids tell me they saw OM and his family on the 4th of july. He played with them in the pool, which obviously involved touching them. It doesn't sit well with me. I don't think there is much I can do about it.
Worked for me and W for 2 years. Drugs, arrest for domestic assault, lives with parents-who seem to be accepting of all this, no job, sovereign citizen anti government type. Of course I was unaware of this at the time. Only legal advice I got was to take her back to court for custody if she marries him. With simply dating there is nothing I can do. I tried for restraining order and custody but was turned down.
Hamburg,thank you for writing all that about MLC and doctors. Very interesting. And you write about it with real clarity and truth. Maybe one day you can write an article about it, like that page in the NYTimes where doctors write a sort of first-person narrative about a medical situation.
Have you ever read A Country Doctor's Notebook by Bulgakov? It's one of my favorites, I think you would like it! I also love this story so much and often teach it --
If link gets erased, it's "A Doctor's Visit" by Anton Chekhov.
And as far as what you just wrote about OM. WOW. Not surprising but so awful, so gross, so low. No wonder you were so shocked and so hopeless. On the other hand, it is obviously only a matter a time before that ends. It's so clear what that is all about, so classic MLC. The only question is how many years it will take, and if she will heal afterwards.
And I hear you on the inability to get anything reasonable done via the courts. They seem to only want to step in when there is physical violence or drugs or arrests. But maybe your W will enable that, dating a man like that!
I can imagine how painful it was for you to see that. But at least you know it's not about you. She is doing the classic down-trade of the MLC-er.
Last edited by Gerda; 07/13/1905:54 AM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Last week, I left the kids with a female friend while I was at work. The kids had a blast and my youngest asked the sitter to be her mommy. They opened up to her, stating their dismay with my W. She is always too busy to give them any time and the kids feel neglected. It is quite sad. Upon dropping the kids off to W, the youngest threw a tantrum for several hours. They seem to not like W. Then I got a nasty email from W about it all.....wanting to meet the nanny, how I should have told her about the arrangements and I should drop them off at daycare in the am, rather than directly to her in the afternoon. She feels that will allow the kids space for the day and not get so emotional.
I responded, holding nothing back and explaining how the kids do not like being with her and what I do with them on my time is my business only. The last day of visitation is MY time and I am not dropping the children at a daycare which they hate. Her reply stated I need to step up my game and attend school functions this year. And, I need to return the kids vitamins they took over to my place about 3 months ago. I wish I could just email back a facepalm emoji but I did not respond. Her control is slipping and she hates it. For the record, I am not attempting to reconcile and think it will be a great amount of time before we are on speaking terms. Her parents reached out to me and I am taking the kids to see them (they live out of town) in 2 weeks.
So still waiting on the judge to sign the final decree. Its been about 6 weeks. It has been exactly 1 year since BD 2 and the beginning of the destruction. I have come a long way and grateful for you guys here. I don't think I would have made it emotionally this far without y'all.
Wow. That's just not normal for your kids to be asking the sitter to be their mom. Do you need to involve child protective services? WTH is going on over there when she has the kids?
Really, that's the first time I've read that on these boards and it scares me.
I like the way you handle her Once our emotions are put of the picture..no more walking on eggshells to please the wounded MLCer souls
just truth and sometimes truth is hard to hear
she is probably a terrible parent at this time...thing is she will only resent you telling her as she does not sound ready for the inner work it takes to heal-
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
You are so lucky that the grandparents want to be in your life! My MIL told me she wanted nothing to do with me ever again, after being in my life for 25 years. I kept bringing the kids to see them throughout this time when I could afford it, though she started pulling back just after BD because she couldn't bear to watch what was happening. Now I guess H has told her so many lies she is blaming me for everything. It hurt almost more than BD, and it is so awful for the kids!
BTW, I don't think it's unusual about your kids asking her to be their mom. They are little kids looking for solutions. My son won't talk to my H at all. Your kids are just too small to have any say in it. I would not call protective services, but I would invest in a guardian ad litem for the kids. You can hire someone to do that -- I only didn't because I have no money! But that person will spend time at both households and make recommendations. You might get more custody. Or s/he might just be able to get your W to check some of her words and behavior.
Last edited by Gerda; 07/28/1901:35 PM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
I feel extremely blessed my in laws are part of my life. W has basically abandoned them. W blames me for telling them she was on drugs, which is untrue. They saw her try and make OM part of their life months before we even talked about divorce. They had met him on several occasions (while still married) and they do not like him at all. After separation, she claimed I was keeping money from her, then turns around and shows them about $10k in new furniture she bought. Then she gave them an ultimatum: they accept she, OM and kids as a package deal or would not get to see the kids. The final straw was my daughter's birthday party. Her parents mingled with everyone. W came late, walked past her brothers family without saying a word. Later, she left for 30 minutes and returned. At the end, she stole a gift so she could keep it at her house. She and her parents had a catastrophic blowout later that day and have not spoken in months.
To add fuel to the fire, W cousin has injected her opinion that family should back my W and not me. It has turned a big portion of the extended family against my in laws. I'm sure "facts" are based on W's lies.
I don't know if this situation will ever be repaired.
W suddenly wants to talk with the kids on the phone during my visitation week to "see how they're doing" She's not done this once in the past 8 months since separation. I have not asked this during her visitation, other than holiday/birthday. I feel she's only trying to probe. At the visitation exchange last week, she kept asking me questions if we were going to travel, who we would be with and what we were going to do, etc... I have a feeling it has to do with the new nanny. What should I do here? There is no court order regarding this type of thing.
