So new girl and I met last night. Gut feel, she'll dump me...eventually, but I'm a pessimist so...
Her work schedule is crazy, it's self imposed and I don't see her doing anything to set boundaries upon it such that she could have a normal balance in her life for her children, herself and possibly a relationship. I mean at the conclusion of our talking she said how she had to leave as she was getting anxious about the work she had awaiting her once we were done. Bottom line and for reasons I don't fully understand she has a very unhealthy, unbalanced attraction to her work.
Right now she's exhausted, mentally and physically. With us she's unsure how much of what she is feeling is about us and how much it is influenced by all of the work stress in her life. Again as she has said she had no intention of getting into a serious relationship, but then we met and that changed. As I told her I had no intention of entering into a serious relationship either, but when we met and based upon what I believed of our connection and the lady she was, I did not want to pass up the chance to find out if we could be something special. She said to me "see you can reconcile and I'm not sure I can". And maybe she can't. For me life doesn't come at us on the timeline we want, both good and bad so even though it might have been against my plans, I didn't want to miss the opportunity of having a relationship with her.
Anyway she says she loves me and more deeply than she ever has anyone else. I love her as well. Her work makes the rest of her life impossible right now and sadly I don't think she either recognizes that OR is willing to do anything to change it. She kissed me repeatedly, said she thinks of me all the time, but yet here she is thinking she might want to end our relationship. I'm terrible at talking too much and I'm sure I did last night. Heck I recall telling her to break up with me and let me go if that's what she needed to be happy. My time here really has me on hair trigger willing to just let her and I go and move on and that's possibly to my detriment. She has a trip coming up this Friday through next week. She hopes it will give her some time to rest and get some clarity. I think it will give her a brief respite from her current stresses, but once she's back she'll be right back to where she was. Way my luck has gone with ladies/relationships I'm heavily hedged to believe she'll pull the plug on us because that's just how it goes for me. Maybe to get to the person who meant to be with me it has to happen. Just feels like so much potential for us, but sadly nothing I can do. I'm pretty much going no contact now and giving her all the space she can handle. I will reply to her texts and take her calls if they come, but pursuit in any form is done for now. Maybe she'll miss me, I know she already does, and maybe I'm wrong, but for now even if she's not broken up with me I'm going to be living my life as if she has. Funny how even when a lady is in love with you, she can still let you go. Don't think I'll ever understand relationships and the pull of staying single, freeing my mind from such mindless exercises in frustrations such as this...meh.
I'm sorry you have to go through this again so soon after things were starting to look up for you. I'm still leaning towards she is trying to let you down easy. Typically a woman wants to bond and connect more with a man as a relationship develops so the fact that she is pulling way makes me skeptical.
You have the right attitude of giving her all the space she needs and if she's not the one it's better to find out now. I think you're handling this very well!
Thanks buddy. Just is what it is. Like I say she'll probably end us at some time. So crazy when less than a week ago she met my sister, was helping decorate my house and planning to add me to her Costco membership. She's been in IC for a long time with the goal of working on herself. This is not something that she made up as an excuse recently. Who knows. Anymore I just leave it in God's hands. She's completely exhausted and it's really taking a toll on her. She's definitely not in mood or in her dress where I'd believe there's someone else. Her work is her love to be honest. I'm more than spent trying to understand all of the various ways I can have love come into my life and leave. She loves me but will still let us go. That's a new one to me, but I guess not anymore.
Ultimately what choice do we have, but to accept and go on. Just doing the only thing I can do. Maybe one of these days a lady who loves me will come along and stay.
Ballast, it sounds like you are Plan B, not to an OM but to her work. My GF did something similar to me early in our R, we had a conversation about it and she told me that maybe I should break up with her. So I did. I just wasn't going to be anyone's Plan B after S and D from my XW. When GF found herself on the receiving end of that she had a sudden epiphany and begged me to take her back, promised things would be different, etc. And they were, as I mentioned before we don't see each other a lot but she made a lot more effort after that breakup (which was about 2 years ago I think) and continues to do so. That would be my advice to you. You're giving her too much power, telling her to break up with you? Don't give her all the power in the R. If you aren't happy with things then tell her sorry but either things change or you are ending it. Life is too short to settle for a mediocre relationship, especially after everything we've all been through.
AS...see the thing is I've been totally fine with the pace and amount of time we spend with each other. Where we find ourselves now is solely from her feelings that have only come about once events at her work caused her immense stress. The thought of me breaking up with her as crossed my mind many times, BUT if I did it would completely play into what she expected with her able to say "see I told you so!"
Reality I am Plan D. In her world it goes Work, Family, Herself, me. And right now only Work really gets her time which is very sad. I am happy with her the person, our current time together, BUT her career and her obsessiveness about it has derailed everything in her life.
I do agree though, perhaps the only and best option is for me to end it or at the least suggest we take a break for a while and see how things go over the summer. If her level of work was only temporary then it would perhaps be a different story, but I think she could work 24/7 and still never feel like she was caught up. I've never encountered a person before for whom their work totally consumes their life. It's terribly sad to see as I see her suffering and others who love her do as well as simply put she can't be herself. I can't save her nor fix her either, but as a person who loves her it's very frustrating to clearly see how she could set some boundaries and improve her situation, but she simply won't do it.
Yeah neffer I know. with her trip coming up Friday and her gone all of next week, I'm feeling like giving her that time to see what if anything changes, but then if she comes back and we're right back to where we are now then I'm going to have to end it. It's just that ending it...literally how she was so in to me and our life together and then instantly gone...baffling all I can say. She has told me until October she will not be changing/doing anything with her work so writing is on the wall I guess. I hate this, but I know what you all say is right.
