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Last ditch ? #2855240
06/30/19 01:00 PM
06/30/19 01:00 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
J
JimmyRig Offline OP
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JimmyRig  Offline OP
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J
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
She wants to tell the boys why we are not living together and I would like to talk before we tell the boys.

Its been 12 months since the argument that really started the ball openly rolling to divorce in her head.

Should I just say ok and we'll talk with the boys and ask about papers?

She does not want to talk to any therapists, has been living at her parents nearby for 4 months and the boys have been splitting time in our house and there.

My other thread was/ is "what should I do? Ignore?

thanks


Me. 46
Her 37

Years together 10
Married 7.5

Kids 4 and 6
Re: Last ditch ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2855241
06/30/19 01:03 PM
06/30/19 01:03 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
J
JimmyRig Offline OP
Member
JimmyRig  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87


Me. 46
Her 37

Years together 10
Married 7.5

Kids 4 and 6
Re: Last ditch ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2855242
06/30/19 01:21 PM
06/30/19 01:21 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
J
JimmyRig Offline OP
Member
JimmyRig  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
She says its been 12 months and want to move on with her life.

She said back in February in an argument not worry papers will be coming and took off her rings.

Do I just face it and continue to DB, letting go and GAL and we tell the boys.

I know talking to her will not magically change her mind.

Its the end of June and still no papers.

Last edited by JimmyRig; 06/30/19 01:28 PM.

Me. 46
Her 37

Years together 10
Married 7.5

Kids 4 and 6
Re: Last ditch ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2855259
06/30/19 04:42 PM
06/30/19 04:42 PM
Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 334
USA
L
LB55 Offline
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LB55  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 334
USA

She hasnít followed through on her threat of papers. Is she going to? Who knows??

Are you going to file papers for her? She will really appreciate being able to tell everyone you are the one leaving and how itís your fault and then she can be guilt free.

She is a big girl and she can take care of the legal end of leaving if thatís what she wants to do. She wants to mod on because itís been 12 months. Cool. She can handle the details.

If you want to be done then you can file for D. It wonít bring her back though so itís got to be what you want.

Otherwise Keep up the DB. Thatís all you can do.


Me39; W37; S11; D8
BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18
Re: Last ditch ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2855303
07/01/19 02:25 AM
07/01/19 02:25 AM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
J
JimmyRig Offline OP
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JimmyRig  Offline OP
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J
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
Thx LB55 I agree

The last communication was "we haven't discussed the house, finances, or schedules" from me and she replies with ""all of that will remain status quo"

WTF is status quo.

no questions from me
no answers from her?


Me. 46
Her 37

Years together 10
Married 7.5

Kids 4 and 6
Re: Last ditch ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2855307
07/01/19 03:14 AM
07/01/19 03:14 AM
Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 334
USA
L
LB55 Offline
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LB55  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 334
USA
Originally Posted by JimmyRig


no questions from me
no answers from her?


If you donít ask for what you want you will never get it.

You didnít ask a question and got no answers. Does this surprise you?

You might as well have said ďI like hamburgers, milkshakes, and coffee.Ē All of that will remain status quo too. Giving you a hard time Jimmy but ask a question if you want an answer.


Me39; W37; S11; D8
BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18
Re: Last ditch ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2855356
07/01/19 03:11 PM
07/01/19 03:11 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,279
A
AnotherStander Offline
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AnotherStander  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,279
Originally Posted by JimmyRig
She wants to tell the boys why we are not living together and I would like to talk before we tell the boys.


She's been gone 4 months and NOW she wants to have that talk? It should have happened before she left. Your response to her should be "let me know when and where and I will be there." Don't do the work for her, but if she does it then do show up.

If you have the talk then don't throw her under the bus, but don't lie for her either. When we had that talk with our kids we kept the focus on them, that it had nothing to do with them, they had done nothing wrong, and we both would remain united in support of them.

Quote
Should I just say ok and we'll talk with the boys and ask about papers?


Do not ever say a word about D papers unless YOU want the D. It's often "out of sight out of mind" for the WAS, but if you bring it up then she may decide to get the ball rolling again.

Quote
She does not want to talk to any therapists


Good. They will just encourage her to pursue D.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Last ditch ? [Re: AnotherStander] #2855449
07/02/19 01:45 AM
07/02/19 01:45 AM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
J
JimmyRig Offline OP
Member
JimmyRig  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
[quote=JimmyRig]She wants to tell the boys why we are not living together and I would like to talk before we tell the boys.


She's been gone 4 months and NOW she wants to have that talk? It should have happened before she left. Your response to her should be "let me know when and where and I will be there." Don't do the work for her, but if she does it then do show up.

If you have the talk then don't throw her under the bus, but don't lie for her either. When we had that talk with our kids we kept the focus on them, that it had nothing to do with them, they had done nothing wrong, and we both would remain united in support of them.

Anotherbystander : What do you mean "don't lie for her either?


Me. 46
Her 37

Years together 10
Married 7.5

Kids 4 and 6
Re: Last ditch ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2855504
07/02/19 02:01 PM
07/02/19 02:01 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
J
JimmyRig Offline OP
Member
JimmyRig  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
Anotherbystander : What do you mean "don't lie for her either?

thx


Me. 46
Her 37

Years together 10
Married 7.5

Kids 4 and 6
Re: Last ditch ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2855508
07/02/19 02:35 PM
07/02/19 02:35 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 525
K
kas99 Offline
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kas99  Offline
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K
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 525
My husband left 4 months ago as well. In my case he went out and immediately did everything he could to hurry the divorce along. Not sure about your kids. My husband told them (and me) he wanted a divorce, moved out 4 days later and that was the end of that. I quit asking questions 2 months ago (we don't even talk now) and yes we are still at status quo. Status quo in my situation means he gets to keep me in limbo. We've agreed on a settlement and he still hasn't filed. I do not nor will I ever ask about the status on that. If he wants the divorce then he can file for it. It's absolutely true if I file he would get to tell the kids I'm the bad guy. As long as he pays my bills I can wait. If he doesn't pay my bills then he gets to be the bad guy. I'm NOT going to be the bad guy in this situation.

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