Go for a drive. Go for a walk. Go do something you love to do. Watch a movie. Read a book. Listen to music. Get busy doing something you need to do (house project, clean the car, mow the lawn, etc)
You said you have no support system, fix that. Find a men's group. FInd a church. There is support out there, you have to go find it.
Remember....all of this is UP TO YOU! You need to take the bull by the horns, like an alpha male would, and realize your circumstances are of your own making! When you realize that then you will realize that it is within your power to change it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Also, one of my best stress management tools in my sitch, and one of the ways I best dealt with a spiral, was to pray. If you do not know God, then find Him.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ok thanks Steve. I think I have a hard time telling the difference between alpha behavior and machoism.
Looking back. Many of my problems in my marriage are due to me doing my own thing And GAL without consulting her at all. I would ignore her and chase my own things
So respectfully how is doing that now going to help. I was basically DBing when my R didn’t need it
You apologize once and only once for all shortcomings. Its has been known that WAW/WW will give you all list of discrepancies not to have you improve or change them at BD because they are done. Aware or unaware, But because they are trying to get you to go away because they are breaking it off with you. Its like you telling a old GF all of their contributions of issues to a relationship, because you are done with them and you want them to move on so you can get what you want. Its a break up tactic. Make sense?
Ok thanks Steve. I think I have a hard time telling the difference between alpha behavior and machoism.
Looking back. Many of my problems in my marriage are due to me doing my own thing And GAL without consulting her at all. I would ignore her and chase my own things
So respectfully how is doing that now going to help. I was basically DBing when my R didn’t need it
oz - Sometimes the alpha behavior advice does border on machoism. Think of it like a spectrum from "extreme alpha" to "extreme beta". If you are a NG like me (extreme beta), then following macho advice brings you back towards center. If you are already alpha, then being more macho can do harm. You would never tell a narcissist to be more selfish either, but many LBS's here absolutely need to be more selfish.
It's always good to look at potential 180s on behaviors that negatively impacted your MR. If GAL w/o consulting your W at all was a problem, I would suggest not doing that. Many LBS's here have avoided GAL for years, so it is common advice to get out and GAL more. You can always consult your W and GAL:
"Honey, I'm going to go <insert GAL activity here>. Would you like to join me?"
GAL can be as simple as the ideas Steve85 wrote. It doesn't have to mean going off for hours at at time.
Ok thanks Steve. I think I have a hard time telling the difference between alpha behavior and machoism.
Looking back. Many of my problems in my marriage are due to me doing my own thing And GAL without consulting her at all. I would ignore her and chase my own things
So respectfully how is doing that now going to help. I was basically DBing when my R didn’t need it
Doing that GAL in your marriage was wrong. However, post-BD it is the RIGHT thing to do. She asked for time and space. Give it to her.
Also, do not apologize. She won't accept it right now anyway. If she ever decides she is open to reconciling, then you can apologize.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Last edited by Cadet; 06/25/1903:00 PM. Reason: Link
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
