You can't control her. Set her free. The only one you can control is you. Change you for the better. Most guys do not understand how to listen to women. Become an expert listener. Most guys do not know what women are really attracted to. Become attractive to women. You wife will notice.
Read as many posts in the link I gave you. All your questions are answered in there.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I don’t think the people on here understand me when I say I have no friends. I don’t have a support system.
And yes I am spiraling. If she is sleeping with another man that kills me inside. Like I wouldn’t see the point after finding that out. Like the point of anything. That’s too much pain. Just thinking about it makes me want to puke. I feel nauseous
I don’t know how this happened I don’t know what to do I can’t do this
Also ready2change. All that stuff you sent me is opposite of how you guys tell me to act. I’m not supposed to be trying to seduce her right. Just a calm cool collected friend. Right. Doin my own thing. Not paying her any attention. HOLY HELL I can figure this out. Listen while making eye contact or don’t pay attention to her.
I want a coach so bad but I don’t have the money. Like 12 bucks is all I have in the world
Last edited by Cadet; 06/25/1902:47 PM. Reason: combine posts
if you come off half as abrasive and demanding to her that you do to this board, I imagine she is a bit unhappy.
Tarzan analogy was explained. She is being compared to Tarzan in that she is not letting go of you without another man lined up.
You shouldn't ask her because then you're going to come off as weak and accepting of an affair because you aren't ready to end things with her. And it will lead to a fight, no doubt, where you get emotional and crying and mention the "what's the point" thing to her. Which only makes your situation worse.
We understand that you don't have friends. You come off as difficult, maybe you can work on that and get out and make new friends. Go to meetup.com, go participate in a sport, hobby, or activity that you enjoy. Be nice, ask questions, give compliments, make friends.
You need to work on not spiraling. You need counseling and help. Start setting up a support network for yourself.
As for what to do? Quit worrying about her so much and do what's attractive. Read R2C's links on attraction and the quotes. Read and post here a lot.
You actually do know how this happened, better than any of us - you were there.
We are going to keep helping you on what to do. Keep reading our posts. They make sense, trust me. Right now, you are so worked up that you can't realize it, but in time you will. I've been in your shoes, right there. Read my sitch if you want. If you click on my name, then forum posts, then go to page 1 you will see my first post, first thread. I was out of control and overwhelmed. BUT, you can do this. You will do this. You have no choice but to do this. So why not make the best of it?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I’m sorry guys. I don’t mean to be rude. I promise I’m not really. I’m usually the nicest person anybody has ever met. (What I’m told anyway). I’m just scared and alone. I’m sorry
Maybe it’s because she was my first everything. Kiss, girlfriend Hell she was the first girl who ever wanted to hold my hand. All my life I’ve been told I’m ugly. She was the first to not think so
Ok guys. I just offered to start dinner. I was gonna go on a run but we are both hungry. She said “ well I’ll start cooking then”
Me “it’s ok you don’t have to cook by yourself” Her “I’ve been cooking dinner by myself for the last 10 [censored] years” Me “ well that was then, this is now” Her “pfft and heavy eye roll”
Guys I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been a slob of a husband. I’ve emasculated myself due to childhood trauma and my insecurities . I haven’t handled my cancer like a man. I let her pay the bills. I was a farmer and worked farmer hours. My grandads divorced and so is my dad
So I treat it the same weather she is cheating or not. Sandis deal that cadet sent me says they are different
Sandi advocates for tough love with a WW. As in kick her out of the MBR, etc. No one disagrees with that. However, as far as WAW vs WW vs MLC. You still DB. You still GAL. You still 180 on bad behavior.
Oz you are overthinking things. And you're bucking advice because it isn't what you want to hear. So many come here thinking someone can tell them. "Do A,B, and C and you'll Dave your marriage." Truth is that no matter what you do, there is a really good chance that you are going to end up divorced. If you pressure, pursue, and try to control you're, virtually guaranteed to be divorced.
If you do what is counter-intuitive, if you go get a life separate from her, emotionally detach, improve yourself, and give her even more time and space than she asked for, then maybe something will switch around in hey thinking and you'll have at least a chance to save your marriage.
It takes patience. It takes manning up. It takes being the best ozman that you can be. Question is are up for the challenge? Few are. And that's why there are so many divorces.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I’m sorry guys. I don’t mean to be rude. I promise I’m not really. I’m usually the nicest person anybody has ever met. (What I’m told anyway). I’m just scared and alone. I’m sorry
This post right here is textbook Nice Guy Syndrome. Might want to read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. Google Nice Guy Syndrome. It's a real thing.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
