My son is like that too. It is absolutely exhausting. He’s not mean spirited in any way. I know that the guy that I end up with will have to be really really patient and understanding of kids.
They are talkative and some boys can be really impulsive. They do the stupidest things. My son is not gonna sit nicely and do an art project. If you give them rough and tumble type of interaction - chase after them, give them rides, wrestle them to the ground - hide and scare them - it distracts them and they just love the attentions.
They are eager to please and you will get more with positive reinforcement. Noticing and making a big deal about how quiet he is being or how nicely he is reading a book by himself.
Thanks for that I could see him loving that type of interaction. I noticed he always has to be the one coming up with new games to play, new stories, etc. At one point I did in hook the raft and I pushed the kids like 50 yards away from the boat and he loved it. My girls were with so they enjoyed it as well. It makes sense with what you said.
I just need to process he is really a cute little, happy boy and not mean spirited at all. I also need to figure out how my girls get included so he doesnt get all the attention based on his little personality. If this continues I will be spending more time with him than my daughters.
She seems to want a father figure for discipline. How do you feel about that?
DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
That's a good idea G. He is the type to dominate conversations and I found myself interacting with him more than she did my girls. I guess part of that reason is because he is a non stop chatterbox and also because my girls were in a comfortable setting where they knew everyone. They didnt have to ask her for anything like he did of me since I was the one kind of over seeing the kids. It was her time of the month and she had been battling food poisoning from the night before so she was pretty quiet the entire time just sitting on the boat talking with adults that she has just met for the first time.
I'm ok being a father figure I kind of figured that I would end up with a woman who had primary custody since that is generally the norm. I guess thinking that and it being right in front of my face are 2 different stories. We chatted last night and she texted this morning so I haven't pulled back but it's a lot to process.
I also spoke to my dad for 2 hrs last night and my mom has called me several times so that has helped.
Both my parents just told me to think about how excited he probably was being on a boat for the first time, playing and interacting with other kids. The dr has openly told me that she has not done a good job getting him out and socializing him with other kids other than what he gets at school. The dr herself is not this openly outgoing person, with a wide circle of friends and people she just chats it up with. Her conversations have a purpose and it's not generally small talk just to talk.
When my older nephew was young, he as much like the Dr's son. He NEVER stopped talking. He was a very sweet and loving little boy, but OMG, he NEVER shut up. And, 99% of the stuff he talked about was dinosaurs because he was obsessed with them. He was never mean, rude, always listened, and was actually incredibly smart for his age, but oh my.
Having never raised any kids, it makes me wonder if part of it is not just the difference in boys and girls. Boys tend to be much more confident at a much younger age. It seems like he does have a tendency to test boundaries and I agree with G, that the Dr seems to want a father figure to help with discipline, which is kind of a double-edged sword. If you all do continue forward, I'm sure you will have discussions about boundaries and how to handle each other's children, but it may be harder to navigate on the front end when you really aren't in a position to have any say.
I think what stuck out to me most or what would put me on edge most if I were in your situation is something you said in passing about how the dr doesn't really correct him because she doesn't want to "stifle his creativity". (I'm paraphrasing here, so forgive me if I didn't say it exactly like you did.) Having worked with children of all ages for most of my adult life, I have found, in my experience, that it is usually the parents who say stuff like that who have the kids who are hardest to deal with. I am ALL FOR kids being creative and having an imagination and playing and all of that because it is part of how they learn and grow and interact, but many parents use that as an excuse to not really parent and that is not good for anyone. Children need rules, boundaries, guidance, structure and not giving those things because it stifles creativity can lead to a kid developing a pretty good sense of being a jerk. Not saying the dr's son is, mind you, because you have described as a nice, happy kid, but he will be a teenager at some point and while his some of his behavior might be cute now, it won't be so cute when he's 15. One can correct a child without stifling them.
Something else you said, though, makes me wonder if how the kid is maybe more of a product of not being overly socialized. You talked about the structure the dr has for him and that he doesn't have a lot of socializing time with anyone but the dr, outside of school. Little kids need rule and discipline, but they also need interaction with others so that they learn how to work and play well with others. Maybe you and your girls can be helpful in that because you give him other people to interact with and he can learn how to better handle himself and dealing with others.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
D....my dad told me that I would have so much to give to her and her son. He told me he is at the age to where he needs a strong Male role model in his life and how it would be challenging but also that I could do it. He actually made me tear up when he told me that. My mom essentially says the same thing but to be patient and take 1 day at a time. I have told them both about what a good person she is so they want me to be patient. I guess it was just a lot to take in and I feel slightly overwhelmed.
I did discuss the discipline peace with my mom and her and I are both on the same page with staying out of it until the time comes. Truth be told the dr is probably tired at times trying to raise him. She takes him to school every morning, and due to her schedule only gets about an hour in the evenings with him at most. She has a nanny that picks him up from school every day, gives him dinner, homework, baths, etc. So essentially the dr just has to out him to bed.
His mom needs to put a foot in his azz so needless to say he needs a male role model.
I'd be REALLY careful about making assumptions like this. As Andrew said "DANGER WILL ROBINSON"!
There are a few possibilities here and right now you have no idea which assessment is correct, so hold back and observe and learn.
Is mom a total pushover because she doesn't have time for her child and makes up for it by not establishing boundaries? That's certainly possible but not necessarily the most likely option.
Does the son have undiagnosed or untreated ADHD? A distinct possibility from your description, although it's also possible he was just over-excited and a bit nervous
Could the son have Asperger's? Somewhat more of a risk with highly intelligent parents, think absent-minded professor type. They don't read social cues so might go on and on about something like dinosaurs or Star Trek and might do odd things to get a reaction from people because they lack the social skills to interact properly.
Is the kid just starved for attention? No dad time, little mom time, what's the nanny like? No playdates with friends from school it sounds like.
Or is it just a case of laissez faire parenting? Some parents have a philosophical parenting style (we used to call our friends' kids "feral children" ) of just not intervening much. It may or may not lead to issues down the line. (Our friends feral children grew up just fine actually). If she is entrenched in a philosophy like that it could be a problem as it is so different from your own parenting style.
I didn't say a word to her about any of it. I just asked the question about whether or not he gets in trouble at school for talking. I come here to vent at times but I am a very diplomatic person and would never say anything to her.
She is not a total pushover, she tried to correct him and pulled him aside at times but he didn't seem to listen to her and really even me until he was told 3 or 4 times. She would say "no" and he kept asking and pushing to get his way. I eventually had to get a little stern with him about unhooking the raft. It got his attention rather quickly. I tried to explain that the kids needed to stay close to the boat for safety reason but he kept on wanting to unhook it to go explore. It just wasn't safe. The Dr. was on the boat talking to people so she wasn't aware.
My parents think he was over excited, the Dr. says he does this all the time. He might have ADHD but she has never told me that and I would never ask her either. She said he has always been this way, since he was old enough to talk.
I am sure some times she is wore out since she has him 90% of the time. She took him to a water park on Saturday by himself, just her and him so I know she cares. She is a really good person. It could have something to do with lack of socialization with other kids outside of school. The kid has not had a sleepover yet and it doesn't sound like he has many play dates either. He does do cub scouts, his dad did take him on a weekend camping trip last month so he obviously interacted with other kids there.
I think the nanny has been around for a while. The Dr. comments that she is judge mental of the way she parents. Obviously I have only seen her in action twice for limited periods. I didn't get the sense she wanted to hover over him either. He wakes up every morning at 6 am, the Dr. tells him he can't come downstairs until 615. She gets him to school by 7:15 every morning so she can go to her office and get things squared away for the day. She gets home at 6:30 every night...her office closes at 5:30 then she goes to the gym for 45 min after work. Then he is asleep by 7:30 so their time is limited. The Dr's mom does live close so he will go spend the night with Grandma every other week especially on the nights we go out. So it very well could be wanting attention.
The Dr. texted me last night and told me he was asking when he was going to see my girls again so I assume he had fun! He asked me quite a few questions, so I get in the water with the kids, helped him get a few toys squared away, he wanted to play and be involved with everything. Since his mom didn't know everyone or had been on the boat herself before it all fell on me to help get the activities squared away. He had no problems asking me either. She kind of just turned him loose, checked on him a couple of times but for the most part she just let him be. It wasn't like she was hovering over him waiting on him hand and foot.
So it's hard to say but yes I will just wait and watch.
