^^^^^^^^^^^ what AS and Steve have said is crucial. I co-sign that a 1000%. This is a really important point that you need to understand. And this perspective isn't about lack of empathy, but it's about consequences for decisions that you had no part in. Shouldn't she have thought of what was going to happen if she fired you as the H, considering she's a SAHM? That's on her. I know it may sound cruel, esp when NGS is flaring up, but it's the right move.
My W identifies with the abuse narrative. I pulled over the car in March, she was crying in MC about how she was terrified for her life. She brought up 2 incidents from the past 3 years where I was rough with my kids. One was I grabbed my son's leg in the backseat of the car because he was punching his sister. That was 10 months ago. I'm not saying these things were okay, they are not. But if she can't move past them, how can I trust that she is not going to go to court and label me as an abuser and f@#$ me over. She brought this stuff up right at the beginning of MC. I admitted to it in apology letters when I wanted to reconcile. I've worked on my issues in IC. It doesn't matter. If she thinks "UC is an ABUSER" then this MR is toast and I need to go full legal protections TODAY.
I agree I have the option to stay in the house. It might be a legal nightmare and it scares the hell out of me, but may be the right thing to do.
I'm just saying my sitch is not just my W claiming abuse. She said it in front of a MC. I admitted to these (what I think are isolated) incidents. I don't act that way anymore. It doesn't matter. It's a real problem. A good lawyer could fight it I'm sure, but if she's going to go down that route I need to be extra cautious. That's all I'm saying.
My W identifies with the abuse narrative. I pulled over the car in March, she was crying in MC about how she was terrified for her life. She brought up 2 incidents from the past 3 years where I was rough with my kids. One was I grabbed my son's leg in the backseat of the car because he was punching his sister. That was 10 months ago. I'm not saying these things were okay, they are not. But if she can't move past them, how can I trust that she is not going to go to court and label me as an abuser and f@#$ me over. She brought this stuff up right at the beginning of MC. I admitted to it in apology letters when I wanted to reconcile. I've worked on my issues in IC. It doesn't matter. If she thinks "UC is an ABUSER" then this MR is toast and I need to go full legal protections TODAY.
I agree I have the option to stay in the house. It might be a legal nightmare and it scares the hell out of me, but may be the right thing to do.
I'm just saying my sitch is not just my W claiming abuse. She said it in front of a MC. I admitted to these (what I think are isolated) incidents. I don't act that way anymore. It doesn't matter. It's a real problem. A good lawyer could fight it I'm sure, but if she's going to go down that route I need to be extra cautious. That's all I'm saying.
Uni, If I were in your position, I would be looking into hiring a lawyer. I would also try to find out if the MC can testify about what is discussed in your sessions.
Originally Posted by unchien
If she thinks "UC is an ABUSER" then this MR is toast and I need to go full legal protections TODAY.
Big difference between thinking and accusing you of it. It seems like you are saying she accused you of being an abuser in MC from what you wrote
I am not a lawyer nor know any details about the law in your state but reading through what you have written, these look like serious issues and in my opinion you would benefit from legal help.
On this topic, I am thinking about raising in our next MC session my fear and trust issues on this topic.
"I have fears about separating and the impact to my rights as a future dad, especially given the abuse talk."
Yes I know this may get legal. For the moment, it is what it is. I can't control whether my W decides to make it a legal issue. What's done and documented is done and documented. Worrying isn't going to help me.
Uni. I have had similar circumstances of W accusing of raising my voice at S1 son, after him refusing to listen when being firm and saying NO! When he's standing on top of the sofa. Eventually W got used to me reprimanding him, after we officially separated in the house. That when he's on my time I will parent him my way. Its called disciplining your children!!! For their own saftey In my book. If that scares your W, or it doesn't make her feel safe, or she finds that to be emotionally abusive. You've got much bigger problems. Once they have distanced themselves from you they will twist and turn their narrative any which way from Sunday to paint you as the bad guy especially in court I'm sure. (I've seen it happen with my brother in a very long 16 year custodial battle with him, his kids, and XW, where XW was neglectful to kids and made up all sorts of lies in court, pushing serious slander and allegations against brother that was not true. It took him 16 years a lot of bodily and legal damage to obtain custody of one of his daughters. The other was already emancipated.) You better pray you get a good reasonable non biased family court judge. One of my brothers biased judges was probably his fourth after changing venues over counties ironically at one time denied transport to my niece with my brother to our country home out of state. Despite the fact that my niece was raped by a friend of hers, at her mothers house, while my nieces Mom was home in the house getting drunk on wine. Ironically that same judge was later indicted years later for molesting kids as well. (Yeah I know F@$!ed up confusing story.) This XW of my brother is who my W and her family insisted on inviting to our wedding 10 years ago, because my nieces were the flower girls, 10 and 12 at time and my W wanted a built in babysitter so not to have "her day" interrupted. This sent shockwaves between my W and I and so had to handle the friction between the families, and mine and W's family at time. My W still identifies with XSIL. Ironically W now has no problem using my brother to babysit our S1 when we have to work since W's mother is incapacitated at the moment from surgery. Sorry for the long story. This is why I have a bias view so much here about people crying abuse and playing the victim and twisting reality. It better be real and it better be legitimate. Every woman deserves the freedom from any kind of abuse. But some play the victim card, either intentionally to be manipulative in court, or because of their exaggerated perceptions.
You better stay calm, don't over react to anything, and don't display any dramatic behaviors whatsoever.
If I were you I would cease all verbal communication with her at this point and L up at least for a consultation. She can't be trusted with her "victimization" status and mindset. I would choose your words very carefully from here on forward. I haven't gotten to family court yet. But im also wondering... The fact that I am in therapy IC I wonder if that would or could ever be used against me? I know my brother tried using his XW mental instability record against her after being institutionalised for knocking her own mother out after consuming kolonopin and vodka, all in front of the kids.
Again sorry for the stories. Just learned how to protect myself a little better from dissolving marriages and warped perceptions from brother's experiences.
"I have fears about separating and the impact to my rights as a future dad, especially given the abuse talk."
What do you believe your MC could offer in terms of advice? It seems you're telling your spouse your worst fear about divorce strategies she could use.. maybe a better conversion to have with your attorney.
I might double-check what is protected and disclosable from your sessions.
^^^CWarrior it almost sounds like an "on the record" setup in Uni's case. He would have to check with the local laws with counseling disclosures in his state along with L consultation. But typically any mention of abuse whether it be verbal, physical, neglect, terroristic or suicidal threats encompass state red flag and disclosure laws to notify authorities. Applies to doctors counselors Etc . I know a little bit about this being a firearms and Pro 2A advocate what specifically triggers a counselor to notify authorities. Plus most if not all councelors, make you sign a disclosure agreement about this upon first initial session. So Uni I would read what you already signed. There may even be some State statutes in there that are codified that you can take to L.
It really worries and concerns me sometimes how children can be weaponized against former spouses in divorce and family court, whether male or female.
This happened to me and my bros. We were 10, 7 and 3.
It affected all of us emotionally physically and developmentally. Two of us are now D'd or S'd, indirectly or directly because of this.
Please - if you can - make sure this doesnt happen to your kids. I know everyone talks tough here on MBR reclaiming and house retaining. But be aware that if there are kids, this isn't just about you or W.
Also, if there are ways to go about this without L being involved, I would highly recommend it.
