I agree with juju. When you have pretty much a solo parent, the dynamic could be much different. Having an only child with and it pretty much being the two of us, we have the dynamic where we bounce things off of each other and she gets the bulk of my attention. Plus, there is an element of feeling like you need to keep everything u set control because it all falls on you.
My daughter has food sensory issues. She sticks to what she likes, won’t try anything new and certain things can’t touch or be cooked differently than what she’s used to. My daughter is also not into sports. I like to watch hockey, and I like to go to the gym, and she will usually follow what I do and she is excited soon she will be able to join me in the gym.
I am far from rigid with schedules, and I will tell you as a medical professional myself, we actually don’t seek medical attention unless a Limb is falling off.
The dynamic is by far different when it’s just a parent and child. Adults always say when they talk to my daughter, it’s like talking to a 30 year old.
It’s going to be different from what you know, for sure. But different is bad.
Thanks guys....we just went out on the lake with them for about 3 hours and it was really eye opening. Her kid talks non-stop, he is a happy kid but laughs and giggles non-stop. Always needing someone's attention, pushing boundaries, not listening at times to his mom, came up and squeezed her boobs. Its tough but seeing him in action was kind of a turn off. Pulling his mom's hair, calling her a ugly boy. He wasn't aggressive, angry, hitting people etc. but he wanted to do what he wanted to do. His mom needs to put a foot in his azz so needless to say he needs a male role model.
I had to correct him a couple of times and once I had to get a little stern. There is a big floating raft that we tie up to the boat so the kids can play but he kept on un-tieing it so it was drifting away. After about the third time of telling him not to untie it I had to raise my voice a little.
So I get the sense she probably struggles with disciplining him and being a single parent. I mean the kid would not stop talking. It got to the point to where it was kind of overshadowing my daughters a little bit. I felt like they were shutting down some because he was so domineering the conversation, games they were playing, etc.
I know my girls are not perfect and my youngest has her moments with being a little moody but they mind and listen to me. They may challenge me a little bit but not to the extent to where they would purposely do something that I told them not too.
So I just kept my mouth shut, tried to be positive and not let it bother me but man I so wanted that kid to be quiet. The Dr, says he has been that way since he was born and doesn't want to tell him to be quiet or stifle who he is. Maybe he is normal and I am not just used to him. Maybe I am lucky with really good girls or they are just as talkative but I don't notice it. Maybe since it was all new to him being on a boat he was just extra excited. IDK but it just seems a little much.
So both families just met for the first time last night - correct? You said we are not going to try to put together a Brady Bunch happy family right away - yet 12 hours later you are all out on the boat together? That was not your plan even a few days ago? What changed here so fast?
As to what went on after pushing forward with back to back outings right after the first meet, I tend to agree with you based on what you have written. It sounds like he gets away with a lot and is used to it. Sadly it's not going to end well if you try to change it - even if it's the right thing to do. See THIS is why you should have gone a bit slower. He may also not be happy about having to share his mom two days in a row - he's a little boy - they do that.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I also agree with the slowing down. 2 days in a row when you first meet is ALOT for these little kids. When we all met, it was one day, then a few hours 2 weeks later, then we went away for a night. We gradually increase it, and sometimes it’s just me, him, and his son, or me, him and my daughter. Not both of the kids all the time. So they both feel kind of special. Her little boy is used to having mommy all to himself and now all of a sudden he’s sharing mommy with a new guy and 2 kids. It’s overwhelming .
Yeah that's my fault for inviting them. We were going out on the boat today and I thought her son would have fun so that's what changed. Its definitely a different dynamic with the kids around and one I am not used to. The good thing is that we wont have the potential to get together again for two weeks so there will be a good break. This means I can go slower moving forward.
I definitely know it's not my place to say a word which wont be hard for me but the kid needs some discipline. Maybe it is social immaturity but it was kind of a turn off. I can tell she needs help which is why I think I am so appealing to her. I spoke to my mom and she just told me to be patient and introducing kids is not easy.
You are describing my son. Boys are really different then girls. I look at the other girls and think, how easy. My parenting life would be a piece of cake. It’s not always a discipline thing either. Google adhd and non stop talking. It’s exhausting and my friends have told me that if they had to parent my son they would stick their fingers in an electric socket. My mom had 3 kids and she said that was easier then watching my son. (She also taught elementary). I get so deeply depressed when he is home from school after 3 days because the intensity is too much. Work is 100x easier then being home.
It’s not necessarily the parenting or discipline. With kids like that, you developed a whole new threshold. You don’t even see the little behaviors anymore. Like one day he was crawling on the floors and I let him because at least it wasn’t on the couches in the waiting room. You can’t yell all the time and a lot of their behavior is based on impulsivity and consequences don’t work and they adapt to stern voices. I know I have to save my yelling for something really bad. (Releasing ropes on the boat is pretty bad)
In fact a kid like that is often the cause of strain to a marriage. Usually one parent can’t cope and the others resents them because of lack of help. Please google and read up on what parents of kids with adhd deal with. The assumption that someone else can do better is really offensive. I can honestly tell you my son would have been abused (and a lot of these kids are) with a different parent because he gets really annoying.
Also, I think kids sense something is different in their moms and they act out too for the attention. And because they know theyve got mom in a position where she doesn’t want to yell.
I know your right. It was just so overwhelming, he was non stop. Again not in a mean or angry way just with talking, laughing, giggling and always having to do something. I asked her if he had problems in school with talking and she said no, no behavior issues at school. If he has ADHD then he is not on anything for it but maybe he could take meds and she just doesn't want him to. Sounds like the only time she gets peace and quiet is when she puts head phones on him and he watches his iPad.
I think it was overwhelming to my daughters as well. On our ride home he was putting some squishy toy in his mouth, laughing and then showing my girls. At one point my youngest looked at me with this wierd look on her face like WTF. I spoke with my mom about it and she suggested that maybe he was just overly excited with new experiences, give the little guy a chance and also think about what it must be like for him not having a father in his life.
I am a patient person so I get it but I am also used to girls as well so maybe that has something to do with it as well.
