How about a crazy story? I flew up to my hometown last weekend for a family wedding (my 3rd this school year!) On Sunday my flight home was at 2:30 but got delayed, then we got on the plane, then we didn't have enough gas and had to go back to the gate, then the crew hit their hours limit for the day, so we all had to get off. Finally at 6 or so, they tell us the flight is cancelled, they can give us a refund or they can put us on the next available flight... on Wednesday! I had work the next morning so that was out. On other airlines there were no flights for less than 600 dollars.
So I start asking people in line for refunds who were all on the flight, who is up for splitting a rental car and driving down. It is about 8-9 hours without traffic. I find three complete strangers and we head down to rent a car. It turns out two of the them are Spanish speakers, so I am happy to have the chance to chat. The one other guy is left out, but he slept most of the time he wasn't driving. One of the guys is a DACA recipient, a "dreamer" who came as a kid from El Salvador, studied philosophy in college and was on his way to getting ordained as a priest, but now is rushing back to my city to be on time in the kitchen he works at. Despite all the driving and the late, late night it was a fun adventure and a cool chance to interact with people whom I normally wouldn't get a chance to talk to. We finally got in to the airport to drop off the rental car at 3:50 in the morning.
That was when the adventure really started. I have no car currently, just a moped, and I had left that at the covered deck at the airport. But I was planning on arriving mid-afternoon and my front headlight had blown out, not a big deal for mid-afternoon, but not great at night. I decided that I was too exhausted to spend any more time at the airport, so I hopped on and set out right then sans headlights. The roads were very well lit and there was no traffic around so I wasn't worried for my safety, but I was paranoid about the police pulling me over and fining me and possibly taking the moped. At one point I passed some cops who had pulled someone over and I held my breathe the whole time. The rest of the ride my eyes are straining to identify the very few oncoming cars, trying to discern if they have police lights atop them or not. It's more stress on top of an already long and stressful night.
Finally, I'm about 2 miles from home when I pull up to a red light and get flagged down by a guy on foot. It's a little disconcerting to get flagged down at that hour (4:15 a.m.) on a moped with no protection, plus my brain is still woozy from lack of sleep. He comes up to me and says, "Can you call 911? I am suicidal and homicidal and a threat to myself and others." He says it calmly, matter-of-factly, with no aggression or impairment. Still, it is jarring and frightening to hear that from another person in the dead of night on a solitary road, on an exposed vehicle. He also tells me that he attacked or kicked another car that refused to call 911 for him. So, I tell him sure, but that I'm going to pull ahead a little and that he should just wait at the intersection. I proceed to call and give the information to the police, but as I'm doing that he calmly walks over to where I am pulled over. He hands me his id card so i can identify him, and tells me what he is wearing as the police are asking for a description. He's just a kid, 19 years old, five feet tall. They ask if he has any weapons and he tells me no. He is still totally calm and collected. Finally they ask if I am going to wait with him for the police to show up and I tell them no (I'm both a little sketched out and still wary of interacting with the police with my headlight out.) But before I can go, a cruiser pulls up behind me, and shortly thereafter an ambulance. The kid tells the cop that he just got released from the hospital and has overdosed on his pills and gives a list of all the pills he has taken. When the cop asks when, he looks at his watch and says five minutes ago. He repeats the part about being a threat to himself and other and tells the cop about attacking the other car. He then asks if he can ask which hospital to go to, and says his preference is a hospital 20 miles away in a suburban town. I am both amazed and bewildered by how calm and collected he is. What kind of situation is he in that he is so desperate to get checked into a psychiatric ward? Finally, I ask the cop if I can leave and take off. It's about 4:40 a.m. when I finally get home.
It's a crazy story and an experience I won't soon forget. I am left wondering how bad things must be to make you approach strangers in the middle of the night in order to get into a hospital and off the streets. I hope the kid gets the help he needs and doesn't simply become a statistic. I'm also grateful that I haven't reached that point yet.
In other news, I had my final official interaction with my EW yesterday. It was the first time we have interacted in months, and the first since the D became official. We met at a notary to sign the quitclaim deed that transferred the ownership of the house into my name alone. I also gave her the check to buy out her portion of the house. She gave me her key to the house and the wedding ring which she had kept. She also tried to give back the engagement ring, but I refused it. She was tearful throughout the process, walking away after signing the deed so that she could cry. When we sat down on a bench outside afterwards to exchange the ring/check/key she was also emotional. It was hard. My father just celebrated his 75th birthday and she had written him a letter. I asked her to please not contact my family, and she burst in to tears, asking if they hated her that much. I told her no, that it was for me. I was calm and composed, with my guard up throughout the conversation. There is no point in making myself vulnerable to her at this point. I know that I came across as a bit cold and business-like in the face of her emotion. But what would have been the point in allowing myself to be emotional there? I was hurting for sure, but that isn't her problem any more than her sadness is mine.
The school year just ended which is both great (no stress) and frightening (lots of time to ruminate). Last year I embarked on an epic road trip which was a great project. This year, I have yet to make any plans. I'd like to get up to Alaska to visit a friend, but it seems like a pipe dream at the moment. I may buy a car, but my financial situation is tighter than I would like after buying my EW out of the house. That precludes any easy road trips to the mountains unless I rent a vehicle. Right now my goal is to practice yoga every day, to read a book or two a week, to clean up the house from top to bottom, to take care of the yard.
Dating has been rather lame. I've given up on the 2nd professor. We exchange some texts but in my mind that's not going anywhere so I don't worry about it. I was chatting with one very interesting doctor, but she freaked out when I texted her and woke her at 11 p.m. during a week that she was on call. I always turn my phone off when I go to bed, so it didn't occur to me that it could be an issue. She ignored me at first and then when I followed up, she expressed her (great) annoyance and called off the date we had planned. Perhaps I dodged a bullet there. I did go on two dates this week but both were flops with no chemistry. I have also been surprised by the number of women that have responded to initial inquiries, started conversations, and then ghosted - five or six just in the last couple of weeks. It's a bit disheartening.
I am grateful for this forum for the opportunity to share these feelings. It's a good outlet, and I hope that I provide some entertainment/amusement for others as they navigate these difficult times.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
There is no point in making myself vulnerable to her at this point. I know that I came across as a bit cold and business-like in the face of her emotion. But what would have been the point in allowing myself to be emotional there? I was hurting for sure, but that isn't her problem any more than her sadness is mine.
We all put this emotional armour on to protect ourselves. Necessary - no-one wants to be back where we were, curled up in that foetal position with their world imploding around us. But, D, recognise it for what it is. It is self preservation and not strength. To truly move forward you have to re-open your heart and be willing to be vulnerably. Maybe just not to the people who blew up our worlds.
I too am a little dishearten at the dating thing. It's been two weeks for me, four dates, and a shed load of inappropriate men trying to 'chat' to me. Not one has been over 40. One had chemistry but was way way way too young, and the other, in their late 30's (who is lovely) I feel no attraction to, another asked if he could 'lick my [censored]' and the last one lived like he was a uni student (even though he was in his 30's). What I wouldn't give for a normal person. I suspect men in their 40's are not interested in women in their 40's.
I am sorry to say I am probably one of those who will respond to initial inquiries and then ghost. If it helps, these are the reasons I ghost:
1. They are far too intense. One wanted to "meet and start a relationship'. When I said I was happy to meet and then see if there was commonality, he said "you are only here to date lots of people'. 2. They don't have much to say and concentrate on my appearance "you are really hot", "you have a great body", 'you blah blah blah"
What I want:
1. Evidence that you can carry a conversation - ask about my photos, ask about my profile, ask me how my day is going - and I will do the same 2. Suggest something different to do - climbing, swimming, comedy show, play - to take the pressure off. 3. Show that you have a life - talk about climbing, yoga, teaching etc. I want to know that your life is complete, with or without a partner.
Anyway, good luck.
And as a member of this forum who has benefited from your advice and support, I am grateful that you are here.
Please start a new thread and link both threads together.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
