Stress will elevate your sugar and blood pressure. Keep in mind, you were "stressing" for quite some time over the baby shower. It will take some time to get it back down. Cut out the starches and more salads should help.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I was stressing quite a bit. Managing Diabetes is tough even two years in, but I'm getting there. I've always been a meat and potatoes and bread guy so it's been rough. Can't eat a lot of the stuff that I enjoy.
I'm about ready to turn into a salad....
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
I still get upset when having to deal with ex or being confronted with memories.
It’s like seeing a ghost.
I don’t necessarily know if we are actually mourning something that was real though. It was real to us at the time. We loved and had the capability to love. But I don’t think our ex’s were capable of loving that way. I think we project the way we love and feel onto them. We think, “I felt love so he/she must have loved me the same way.” But I don’t think they just changed with a crises due to childhood problems. I think things were no longer easy for them and they were no longer gaining. So they bailed. When I look back, there were so many selfish things he did that just never registered. I bet most of these waywards were similar.
I think the battle is mostly with ourselves though.
I am a little late to this party but my .02 for what it is worth.
Since bomb drop I have taken 3 genetics classes and that actually has helped me look at some of this with a different perspective.
You were married for a long time and you have children together.
Those children you will love like no others for the rest of your life.
Now they are made up of 50% you and 50% your ex. So no matter how much you detach from her and let her go, you will never do that for the 50% of her that is in your children. You will love them unconditionally.
This also has helped me with forgiveness and puts a whole new spin on the past 35 years.
I still get upset when having to deal with ex or being confronted with memories.
Me too. I'd rather never have to deal with her again, but I know that is unlikely since we do have kids together.
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I don’t necessarily know if we are actually mourning something that was real though. It was real to us at the time. We loved and had the capability to love. But I don’t think our ex’s were capable of loving that way.
I agree. I do know that she loved me, but not sure if she loved me the way that I loved her.
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When I look back, there were so many selfish things he did that just never registered.
Yeah. I see this now too.
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This also has helped me with forgiveness and puts a whole new spin on the past 35 years.
Thanks Cadet. I suppose this is my biggest problem. While the pain has subsided and I'm mostly "over" her, still not sure if I can completely forgive her. I know that I should and forgiveness is mostly for me, but still can't right now. Maybe some day, but not yet.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Tad, I am on the same boat as you. Every time i feel ok with things, i hear a comment from one of the kids that triggers me to the core. Calling your child names to belittle him or her and blaming their withdrawl from him onto me is getting really old. And i am suppose to forgive him? Not in my book. I beleive, eventually, they will be tired of hearing sorry with no behavior change. I know i did. I no longer make excuses for him nor will i accept his empty apologies until i see a behavior change wich will probably never come.
I am on the same boat as you. Every time i feel ok with things, i hear a comment from one of the kids that triggers me to the core.
Yep. I get it. I'm doing pretty well, but sometimes I get triggers that p!ss me off or make me sad. Sometimes, it will be a comment from one of the boys, or a movie or a song....anything really. Maybe the triggers will always be there....
??
They say that forgiveness is for us but, I can't do that yet either. I don't want to live the rest of my life being bitter, but can't forgive just yet.
The thing that bothers me an awful lot sometimes is the time that has gone by. This all started two weeks before my 43rd birthday. I'll be 52 in October. THAT bugs me. I feel like so much time has been wasted. I realize that I moved a little slower than others on this site and it took a lot of time for me to get where I'm at now, but I sometimes feel that I wasted so much time on HER.
That makes me angry at myself.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
They say that forgiveness is for us but, I can't do that yet either. I don't want to live the rest of my life being bitter, but can't forgive just yet.
What does forgiveness look like to you? Is condoning, and absolution wrapped up in it? Do you see it as an all or nothing thing, or can it be a process, like steps?
Do you think it is a choice? “I can’t do that either” or more “I won’t do that either”. One is impossible and one is possible with time and effort.
I am willing to share, would like to share my views, and I am very interested in your’s.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
For quite some time I thought forgiveness meant condoning. Then I realized it was for me to find peace in my heart. Forgiveness was releasing the grip they had on my emotions.
