Got a life, now what?

[dillydaf]

Your feelings are yours and absolutely you are entitled to them, the only thing you're not entitled to is to dump those feelings on someone else. And you shouldn't act just on your feelings alone, that's what our Hs did and look what a horrible mess they caused!
I can see how much your H is frightened to lose you, I have the same thing going on with my H (except mine just vaguely threatens in the direction of D for the moment). It is utterly perplexing isn't it?

Your job sounds great, a big part of your GAL. It's not easy being a SAHM because it can be so thankless and unfulfilling, so I'm glad you have your job to boost your self-esteem. Next stop: meeting people in the next town?

[97Hope]

Hi solo! Oh no. Paprika can sure be tricky ; ) I'll think of you next time I use mine.

His mom called today and told me that "she knows" she FaceTimed him and saw a weird place and asked him where he was and he told her he moved out.

I felt foolish talking to her like she didn't know, but she understood. She's very sorry. Said she loves me and always will and that we will always be friends. I argued for a minute, but really, you can't tell her anything. So i just agreed.

Going to take a nap and movie with S17 tonight. He's been amazing. He's doing much better, his IC appointment is tomorrow and I'm very hopeful that she can help him with healthy coping skills. Had a great time with him today washing our cars and tacos for lunch.

H is buying cows today. Told him yesterday that I'd prefer that he not buy any more big ticket items until everything was final and you would have thought I punched him in the gut.

Reality is harsh. He does realize that when he files we will, actually, BE divorced?! ugh. My face hurts.

Hoping everyone is well and having a grand time GAL. I wish I could hang out and go paint or something with you guys!

[97Hope]

Dilly,

Yes, and guess what? I went out for a pedi and started talking to a woman and told her I was looking for friends. lol She almost started tearing up! Her best friend of 30+ years passed away about 9 months ago and she's really missing her. I told her that I couldn't fill the void, but I could fill the chair next to her at dinner or a movie or painting. We exchanged phone numbers and I'm excited.

It felt good to take a leap. I've done it before with mixed results, but I won't give up. I also reached out to a neighbor I haven't spoken with in several months and we have agreed that it's dumb that we don't get together more.

Thanks for your encouragement. : )

[dillydaf]

How lovely, here's to new friends and reconnections
I need to keep working on this myself.

[AlisonUK]

97Hope that is lovely. How brave of you. I don't think I'd ever have that courage - to tell someone I was looking for friends, then offer to be their friend - but it sounds like it worked out amazingly for you. I am taking notes.

[97Hope]

You know, I don't mind putting myself out there because I've been dumped by my H of 23 years. Seriously, if a stranger rejects me, I'm quite sure I'll pull through! haha!!!

big hugs to you both, Dilly & Alison. I've been following both of you and have been so encouraged!!!

I came to post a journal entry but I had a long day. Thank you both SO much for sharing and encouragement.

[97Hope]

Journaling,

S22 & DIL22 are moving back to our state soon. H and I had discussed allowing them to stay with us for a month (tops) so they could take some time to find a place to live.

H moved out in February. We discussed this after he moved out but before he said he was filing soon.

Told him last night that they are moving their moving date up to July. H seemed VERY agitated about it. I didn't ask. I think it might have put a wrench in his plans.

Feel like I did something very stupid. I texted him photo of mail he received here because it's re: a new company he just started. As soon as I sent it I regretted it.

Don't always know what to do. I'm emo detached for now. Sometimes something happens and I feel sucked back in.

I'd love advice on how to live separately when they come over every day. He is out of town now. Glad for a break. He is over here a LOT. I'm ready for some space. I don't want to ask for it, but I think I might need to. Is that still standing for my M? How do you drop the rope when you have mutual business, kid etc?

Feeling a little out of my element with this.

Stomach has been IMMENSELY better!! Praise GOD. Seriously. I couldn't go on with that. Lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks and just couldn't see going on like that. Prayer is awesome. I have peace. No matter what.

Hope everyone here is enjoying the beginning of a beautiful weekend. Thanks for encouragement and support and 2x4's

Blessings to you, friends.

[dillydaf]

Why was that stupid to text him that? I quite often text my H anything important which turns up in the post, otherwise I would probably forget about it and it could get lost in the mail which piles up sometimes. Why is your H agitated about your son coming back?
Why don't you want to ask for some space? If he's there all the time then you could just be out GALing, that way he'd have to text you in advance if he has something he needs to talk to you about.

[AlisonUK]

Can you avoid him? If he's around every day, can you just leave the mail out prominently in a place where he can see it?

I want as little contact as possible with my H - but we do have a young child and the contact arrangements aren't set and regular yet. I plan to reply to any messages about finances in my own time, and in a businesslike fashion, and keep him copied in to emails about joint finances that concern him. If he texts me about anything else, I plan to ignore it.

You are entitled to have guests in your home for as long as you want. H might want to come and see them, but it doesn't mean you have to be there. He can be agitated or displeased for reasons that aren't of interest to you, and you don't have to engage him about that, or even listen to him share his opinions or feelings if you don't want to. I guess the finest art would be to listen, validate, then do as you see fit anyway without worrying too much. I'm not there, so I am going to be avoiding H.

[97Hope]

Why is your H agitated about your son coming back?

Because he is getting ready to file. He doesn't want to look like a "bad guy". (and don't ask me how d doesn't make you a jerk for no good reason, It's mind-boggling!!)

Why don't you want to ask for some space?

Honest answer - I like to see him. We still get along amazingly well and he can see how happy I am. He is super attracted to me and I like it. But I'm not sure that's good for me anymore. So when I tell him I'm ready for space, I will have to deal with his personality that I don't like. I have to be ready because it won't be easy and if I do it before I'm ready, I'll cave. But I feel like it's coming.