Moving on to the Brightside Part 26

[JujuB]

I don’t think there’s a bullet to dodge. She’s not a special, fragile, unicorn that you have to worry about Breaking or scaring away.

You felt a certain way, you were honest about it and she was honest back. That’s maturity. All you are doing is treating another person with respect and kindness so don’t second guess yourself. You are a catch too. Don’t forget that. A lot of people out there treat each other pretty Poorly. You are willing to put effort and work into her and the relationship and that says a lot about who YOU are as a partner and individual. Nothing wrong with that.

[Twofeet]

Dude...... get out of your head.

You didn't dodge a bullet because there is no bullet. I know you read the CW book even though you don't follow it. By what you write here he would say you are acting in the feminine. Worse case scenario she freaks out and leaves you. Masculine J9 would dust off and get back on the horse.

[TBSakaJ9]

Thank Ju and your right TF. I don't follow everything he teaches but I have some. It is good to get it all out of my system on the board.

Just got back from the Dr house. Gave her the birthday presents, she loved the roses and the necklace. I was very present and felt very liberated. Now that I am through expressing myself feels very liberating. I am very much into her.

Another kid free weekend that we will spend together. Dinner on Friday for her birthday and out to her ranch on Saturday.

[LH19]

Lol. I wanted to say what TF said but you're my buddy Big Smooth.

Look man you're a lucky guy! You have a sexy, normal Dr. who is into you.

Please, please, please relax and just enjoy your relationship.

Again you are a DB success story.

[TBSakaJ9]

Thanks L.....I am, I got it out of my system. Back to the three H's and it started last night.

[Ginger1]

I know it must have been awkward for you, but nothing’s changed. Just enjoy it. It’s not like she freaked.

And if I remember correctly, in the beginning she kind of did this stuff. Except opposite. Seemed not so into you, but really was into you. I know you all think she is not a game player, but she kind of is. I don’t think it’s with bad intentions, I think she might need to feel a little control of the pace. She is having a hard time with the vulnerability.

But you were true to yourself. And I think a huge pressure is off you now. I do think you live with a little bit of a fear you are going to do something she doesn’t like and she will call it quits. I think the balance is now going to even out a little between you two

Now that you guys have a kid free weekend together, mix it up!

[Dawn70]

Lord, man, you wear me OUT. I just thought I was an overthinker until I started reading your posts. LOL

I totally agree with what Ginger said. Some of you were on the bandwagon at first that this lady doesn't play games, but that seemed at odds with the theory that some of you had that ALL women play games. Like G said, I don't think she is doing it with bad intentions by any means. I think she has been hurt and she's holding you at arm's length a bit in an effort to drive the bus.

You said ILY, she didn't freak out, y'all talked after, so relax and enjoy and wait for her to say it back. She will.

And, by all means, like G said, y'all have kid-free time so mix it up. You keep giving us excuses as to why y'all don't have a lot of time together (kids, her practice, etc.), but you know y'all have time this weekend, so do something other than dinner, sex and go to the ranch. You don't have to go on some week-long trip or even on a trip at all, but I'm SURE, if you think about it and do a little research, you can find something of interest to do that is within a reasonable distance of where y'all are. Change it up and make it a special weekend since it is her birthday.

[TBSakaJ9]

I agree I think she is having a hard time being vulnerable. She does all of these nice things for me but is seems to be really struggling with "going there". Last night she was showing me a video of her son playing at his school party and she made the comment "that I am going to like him when I meet him". I just said "I am sure I will".

Anyway, no more out of me going forward. If she wants to drive the bus then she can jump in the seat and take the wheel. I will just sit in the passenger seat and go for a ride.

I actually think it is a good thing that I expressed myself first and she didn't say it back. One, it shows her that I emotionally stable and didn't get all butt hurt, get mad, etc. Two, I haven't said it since so it shows that I am not needy either or pushing it on her.

There is a local winery out by her ranch that we are going to go to so that should be fun.

[TBSakaJ9]

A mutual family friend of my XW and I had a birthday last night and we were all there together with our girls. I am not angry with my XW but I have nothing to say to her and outside of the girls there is no reason to interact with her, inquire about her life, etc. When she first arrived I acknowledged her with a brief "hey" and then later on she came up to me and asked how I was. I jut said good and left it at that. Then when I was leaving I gave my girls hugs and kisses and just waved to her briefly.

I didn't feel awkward in her presence but I just have no desire for any interaction outside of stuff relating to my kids. I think I get the feeling she wants to be buddies, friends as from time to time she will send me random text messages, she wanted me to know she was going to back to school and taking classes. She is also going to Florida next week with a friend of hers and wanted me to know that as well. I don't know why she feels the need to tell me all these things but she does.

I know being friends with her or inquiring about her life is strictly up to me but am I wrong to keep her at arms length and not inquire about what she is up to? I am cordial for my girls and never bad mouth their mom ever in front of them, pay my child support like a good soldier and 1/2 of everything else but I just find myself having no use for anything more. I am not trying to be a jerk about it however I just don't see the point.

Is there anything wrong with that????

[Dawn70]

Not a thing wrong with that and I TOTALLY get it. When my XH first left, he wanted us to stay friends. In fact, he told me he really wanted us to be like my mom and dad. My mom and dad divorced after 28 years of marriage and are still on friendly terms and still have a genuine affection for each other. I just told him bluntly, I'm not half the woman my mother is and he d@mn sure isn't even on the same planet of being 1/10th of the man my dad is, so not gonna happen.

My situation is a little different in that our kids are adults so we do not have required interaction because of them, but honestly, I don't give a flying fig what he's doing. I just don't care. I don't want to know and I don't feel the need to share anything with him either. To be perfectly blunt, the only reason I would even care if he died is that it would be hard on my girls and I would feel bad for them. Other than that, he has become a total non-entity in my life.

I see no need for you to be buddies with her. Just peacefully co-exist for the sake of the kids and as they get older, your interaction will lessen. I don't think you are being a jerk at all. I hate my XH and I have made no secret of that here, but despite my girls being adults, I would still never bad mouth their dad, but he just doesn't exist in my world anymore other than being an unpleasant memory. You do you and don't worry about it. If she wants to be buddies, she can go find girl friends. LOL