Thanks A....she might have been surprised although when you date someone for longer than 3 months things are going to start to happen. 4 months, 5 months, 6 months I don't think it really matters as at some point it's going to happen.
IMO people that are afraid of commitment or getting hurt again will end things before it ever gets to the point. It doesn't take much to disqualify someone so if she wants to disqualify me she now has her opportunity which essentially is good.
I am also glad I said it because I feel it puts me in control. IMO it puts more pressure on her now because she didn't say it. Either way I am going to pull back some, give her space and just do my thing. I am sure she is calling her girlfriends and discussing
I also realized that this is peanuts compared to going through what I just went through.
You DH back in da hizzy…….if she pulls back she pulls back, it is what it is. She did text me this morning already and she did last night before I went to bed so she is not showing signs of doing that. I got a heart emoji last night as well
Maybe I just do really like her and it is teetering on the beginnings of love. I do think about her quite a bit, I like spending time with her, I like hearing about her day, I am scared, and have also found myself thinking less about other women which I did when we first started dating.
I will pull back some just to give her some space to process. I won't say the words again and I won't be discussing meeting the kids as well. The ball is firmly in her court.
My guess is the reason why I made it 4 months was because I didn't push anything. So to your point we shall see if she is really ready or not.
If she really likes me and wants to be with me then we will discuss or just continue moving forward and she won't freak out. If not, then she will just end it.
Either way I know I will be just fine. It will definitely sting a little but after going through the D [censored] storm this stuff is nothing.
Good for you. You said it so now you can move forward without putting pressure on yourself, which you were obviously doing. I find it interesting that someone said the coach says men shouldn’t say I love you first and then experts coming from the female viewpoint say the woman shouldn’t say it first and I just think that’s all crap because if everyone is playing that little game, then nobody is going to say it. In my current relationship, he said it first. In other relationships, I’ve said it first. I just don’t think there is a right or wrong there...it depends on the people involved.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Thanks.....I don't have any regrets but I kind of feel like a schmuck. Especially with her birthday tomorrow, flowers on the way, roses no less, etc. Uggh.
I am glad she was honest but I am not sure how to proceed as I definitely don't want to come off as being needy but also realizing she might need some space.
You are overthinking again J9 - you have no new information that changes things. Just because she didn't immediately fall in to your arms in a Disney swoon doesn't mean that she's not got feelings for you. From what you wrote she didn't seem put off or disturbed by your ILU.
Accept your feelings. Accept the fact that she may not have - as yet - gotten to that stage. She's a smart lady. Saying that is a huge step. She undoubtedly wants to be sure.
Continue on as you were.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I agree with A that in theory nothing has changed accept that you may feel a little awkward.
I think your ability to read women needs a little work though because you seem to be off base at times. Probably because you like to over think things.
Alright I will continue on as is, it is slightly awkward but I will just have to power through.
Well I thought she was there and obviously I was wrong. She is buying me things, re-organizing her weekends with her XH so ours could be aligned, talking about things in the future like when we meet the kids, taking me out to her ranch, paying for dinners, seeing me multiple times per week, telling me she wants me to come see her office space, she asked me to fix her mom's walker, she talks to me about her practice, the financial details of it, how many patients she sees, etc. She always sits next to me when we go out to eat, etc. etc.
What else was I supposed to think? Telling me how much she really, really likes me, thinks I am a keeper, tells me she is lucky to have met me. Not to mention the pillow talk and sexy talk.
How am I not to think she has would not feel the same way. It is what it is but I mean geez I never would have thought.
Just because she didn’t parrot it back immediately doesn’t mean she isn’t feeling something. She told you she isn’t there yet and maybe she just still has some defense up. She didn’t push you away or react badly and she was honest with you and talked with you after. I think you are overthinking it. It’s only going to be awkward moving forward if you make it so. You said yourself she texted you like usual last night and this morning. Unless she’s a royal witch with a capital B or she’s a big player, she doesn’t tell you you’re a keeper and talk about the future if she’s not feeling some type of way. For whatever it is worth, I would just continue to move forward without analyzing it too much (oops....too late! Lol) and don’t say it again unless she brings it up. In my personal opinion, if you pull back now that you said it, that will send mixed signals so just try to do what you were doing before you said it. I think Andrew and LH are right, nothing has really changed. Focus on the positive.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Her experience with her first husband was not good. It seems to me that since she was making a lot of money he just mailed it in, got fat, got ED, lost his job and never had got a new job. Then I think he cheated on her as well towards the end. She filed for D the first time after 5 years, changed her mind and they ended up lasting 10 total. So she got burnt pretty bad and her D was only final about 5 months before mine.
I actually thought you and your XW would get back together again.
