Right place?

[Awakened]

W said she will not return home until i have left the house so i'm reeling from the reality of that.... i think i need to vomit...

DONT leave your house until you are ordered to do so by a judge.

Fight for visitation with your children.

Addendum to my un-yet posted 1st response....

I am afraid W will contact PD initiating a TRO or some such device....never been any DV at all - not even close. Mutual verbal battering....yeah, probably agree to that..., but nothing that would legally substantiate a TRO. Unfortunately, i believe the on-site PO makes that call.

Ultimately, confrontation would add stress and hurt to the kids....but I'll fight for 'em all the same if i have a plausible path to take.

[Awakened]

So during your marriage if your wife said "JUMP" did you ask how high?

I am going to assume the answer to this question is YES.

So this is something that you have to work on within your self.

Ha ha ha ha!!!!!

Oh my life - too funny. Yeah, no and that is big part of our 19-yr marriage disaster.

Unstoppable force meets immovable object. That's been us -

W didn't always instigate the conflict (shared - unknown %), but my failure was not backing down or responding in a more healthy way to diffuse it. Sort of like poking a bear with a sharp stick, eventually (when awakened), the bear is going to respond....

[unchien]

Awakened - Take this as advice from an internet stranger who hasn’t gone through BD yet, but does worry about this very scenario (served by RO with no good reason). I hesitate to even post this:

Consider contacting a family lawyer. Many offer free 30-minute consults. Be discreet. Find one you are comfortable with, ask about the RO scenario. Then if you are served, you have someone to contact immediately as representation. Only you know if there would be valid reason for a RO or kick-out order.

Also agree with other advice here... do not move out of your house. YOU are not making this ugly for your kids, your W is. You have rights, stand up for yourself, but do so calmly and without anger.

[Awakened]

So, I'm going to be verbose as i have a lot to "say" and don't have another venue to vomit....

In my previous posts in this, my fledgling post, i mentioned sobbing and crying... This activity is highly unusual for me and tbh something i need to flesh-out in counselling.

When I first arrived home from the airport and discovered my W, D+S and dogs gone my body wracked, I nearly passed out, and i literally cried out in a loud voice as the sobbing began.

I was surprised at the sounds and feelings my body was making/doing.... I'd never had a feeling like that. It's happened a time or two since then as well.

I can say without exception this is the most horrendous, painful thing I have ever experienced (W used these very terms to describe our relationship these last couple years).

[Awakened]

Awakened - Take this as advice from an internet stranger who hasn’t gone through BD yet, but does worry about this very scenario (served by RO with no good reason). I hesitate to even post this:

Consider contacting a family lawyer. Many offer free 30-minute consults. Be discreet. Find one you are comfortable with, ask about the RO scenario. Then if you are served, you have someone to contact immediately as representation. Only you know if there would be valid reason for a RO or kick-out order.

Also agree with other advice here... do not move out of your house. YOU are not making this ugly for your kids, your W is. You have rights, stand up for yourself, but do so calmly and without anger.

Unchien -

Thank you for your encouragement and humbly submitted advice.

Your advice echos what I've read in other places.

I have already made things ugly for my kids by not handling conflict better (and W has her investment in it as well), but I also will not passively surrender my rights.

W's concern is that i have firearms - which i do. In retrospect, i should have had all of them locked up and put away. Unfortunately, a couple of them were not locked up and had magazines in them.

No bullets able to be fired unless cycled into the chamber (sorry about the "&un speak").

However, W has contended she feels unsafe and that the kids are not safe.

I suspect this changes everything..... but to restate, I have never, ever threatened, insinuated, hinted at, etc violence or harm in any way, shape, or form. Not even once. Ever.

I am living in the cloud of ignorance of these matters.

Unfortunately, given our respective employers ("Christian" institutions) we are not compensated comparatively with secular/non-"Christian" institutions. So we/I do not have large fund reserves to "fight", but I may have to consider financing options.

I never, ever thought i would see days like these...

[Cadet]

So, I'm going to be verbose as i have a lot to "say" and don't have another venue to vomit....

In my previous posts in this, my fledgling post, i mentioned sobbing and crying... This activity is highly unusual for me and tbh something i need to flesh-out in counselling.

When I first arrived home from the airport and discovered my W, D+S and dogs gone my body wracked, I nearly passed out, and i literally cried out in a loud voice as the sobbing began.

I was surprised at the sounds and feelings my body was making/doing.... I'd never had a feeling like that. It's happened a time or two since then as well.

I can say without exception this is the most horrendous, painful thing I have ever experienced (W used these very terms to describe our relationship these last couple years).

Yea I could give you some biological reasons why this has happened, but this is why this is called BOMB DROP.

Add in to it that as a man, you are entering your own middle age, your testosterone is lower than it was thirty years ago, so your estrogen is higher which makes you more emotional than you used to be.

All of these reactions are perfectly "normal" for what has happened.
Best to head the process straight on and not avoid the feelings.

Not something any of us would suggest to another human being but it does happen all of the time.

You have to put your oxygen mask on and save yourself first,
so that you will be able to help your children and proceed down the path that you will get to choose.

Remember that sometimes doing NOTHING is DOING SOMETHING.
When in doubt on what to do - take a step backwards and look and listen,
until you know what you have to do.

[Awakened]

So, I'm going to be verbose as i have a lot to "say" and don't have another venue to vomit....

In my previous posts in this, my fledgling post, i mentioned sobbing and crying... This activity is highly unusual for me and tbh something i need to flesh-out in counselling.

When I first arrived home from the airport and discovered my W, D+S and dogs gone my body wracked, I nearly passed out, and i literally cried out in a loud voice as the sobbing began.

I was surprised at the sounds and feelings my body was making/doing.... I'd never had a feeling like that. It's happened a time or two since then as well.

I can say without exception this is the most horrendous, painful thing I have ever experienced (W used these very terms to describe our relationship these last couple years).

Yea I could give you some biological reasons why this has happened, but this is why this is called BOMB DROP.

Add in to it that as a man, you are entering your own middle age, your testosterone is lower than it was thirty years ago, so your estrogen is higher which makes you more emotional than you used to be.

All of these reactions are perfectly "normal" for what has happened.
Best to head the process straight on and not avoid the feelings.

Not something any of us would suggest to another human being but it does happen all of the time.

You have to put your oxygen mask on and save yourself first,
so that you will be able to help your children and proceed down the path that you will get to choose.

Remember that sometimes doing NOTHING is DOING SOMETHING.
When in doubt on what to do - take a step backwards and look and listen,
until you know what you have to do.

Dear Reader,

When you consider the post above from Cadet you will see a textbook example of WISDOM!!!

Cadet -

Thank you for the encouragement. And advice.

I've contacted a friend who is in a study group with a few other men who have all gone through D (some w/children) and are similar in age to me (maybe slightly older - no difference). My friend invited me to his group and opined that the other guys will likely have some wisdom to share (and possibly recommendations for legal advisers).

This is all starting to "sink in" and is panic inducing!

W is staying at a beach house a friend/family in our network back east offered for a week. She returns from that 05/21 and told me she will talk with her family about the impending D.

Unfortunately for me, one of her brothers is a millionaire and will probably be a financial support for her.....

I expect she will be very motivated to learn if I will file or should she. She also mentioned that, "I have the option to waive being served if you prefer" so I believe she has been seeking advice.

She has locked me out of our joint checking and credit card accounts and while i don't worry about her running up the cards (she HATES debt of any kind), i do want to see how she is spending our money.

I believe i am in for a bloody battle....

Feeling like David vs Goliath though I don't have the luxury of knowing how the story ends... - maybe Goliath chops David's head off? Either way, i'm about to start the learning stage of fighting a war like this....ugh...

[SoTorn]

Awakened - Take this as advice from an internet stranger who hasn’t gone through BD yet, but does worry about this very scenario (served by RO with no good reason). I hesitate to even post this:

Consider contacting a family lawyer. Many offer free 30-minute consults. Be discreet. Find one you are comfortable with, ask about the RO scenario. Then if you are served, you have someone to contact immediately as representation. Only you know if there would be valid reason for a RO or kick-out order.

Also agree with other advice here... do not move out of your house. YOU are not making this ugly for your kids, your W is. You have rights, stand up for yourself, but do so calmly and without anger.

Unchien -

Thank you for your encouragement and humbly submitted advice.

Your advice echos what I've read in other places.

I have already made things ugly for my kids by not handling conflict better (and W has her investment in it as well), but I also will not passively surrender my rights.

W's concern is that i have firearms - which i do. In retrospect, i should have had all of them locked up and put away. Unfortunately, a couple of them were not locked up and had magazines in them.

No bullets able to be fired unless cycled into the chamber (sorry about the "&un speak").

However, W has contended she feels unsafe and that the kids are not safe.

I suspect this changes everything..... but to restate, I have never, ever threatened, insinuated, hinted at, etc violence or harm in any way, shape, or form. Not even once. Ever.

I am living in the cloud of ignorance of these matters.

Unfortunately, given our respective employers ("Christian" institutions) we are not compensated comparatively with secular/non-"Christian" institutions. So we/I do not have large fund reserves to "fight", but I may have to consider financing options.

I never, ever thought i would see days like these...

Having firearms doesnt change anything. You still have rights. You cant get in trouble for a "what if" scenario. Your WAS isnt in the home so dont worry about the guns.

I am a firearm enthusiast. I taught my kids how to handle and respect them. Unless there is a law you are breaking in a non gun friendly state then dont worry about it.

Time to start worrying about you. Stop all pursuit. There is nothing you are going to do or say to make your WW change.

Also, what she did is illegal. If you have no history of abuse with her or the children, she has no right to take the kids to another state. You need to lawyer up immediately.

She can get in serious trouble for taking the kids without a lawful order.

Go talk to a lawyer.

You will get through this.

[Awakened]

.......Awakened DEL previous quotes.....

Having firearms doesnt change anything. You still have rights. You cant get in trouble for a "what if" scenario. Your WAS isnt in the home so dont worry about the guns.

I am a firearm enthusiast. I taught my kids how to handle and respect them. Unless there is a law you are breaking in a non gun friendly state then dont worry about it.

Time to start worrying about you. Stop all pursuit. There is nothing you are going to do or say to make your WW change.

Also, what she did is illegal. If you have no history of abuse with her or the children, she has no right to take the kids to another state. You need to lawyer up immediately.

She can get in serious trouble for taking the kids without a lawful order.

Go talk to a lawyer.

You will get through this.

Thx SoTorn - I'll take that encouragement!

Yes, pursuit is out of the question. I am acknowledging all the feelings/thoughts I've had and realizing we really have terminated the R (though I am significant contributor - not the 100% for sure - but significant.). Maybe post D, but after this I don't think I'll be interested...though I hate the notion of not having my kids under the same roof as me.

Another interesting item for me is her absolute lack of any reconciling posture or attitude though stating she's been with a IC for nearly the last year.... guessing she was concentrating on her stuff - but not noticeable from my perspective - nothing different.

As to firearms.... I was out of the country for work and had left the firearms in my BR where no one goes (finished "basement" - doesn't look like a basement...). So somehow W (? idk who really) found them in the drawers where I had stored them. Yes, my kids have used firearms previously and I've taught them proper handling, etc. W's enabling friend/co-worker left a note on one of my day-packs (she had put every magazine from the three firearms i have that use mags) stating she separated the mags and ammo from the firearms to keep the kids (and their visiting friends) safe....

A lot like a "Straw Man" assertion - bringing a "solution" to a problem that doesn't exist....

At each 'turn' or re-examination in this I become more "disenchanted"....and feel like vomiting....and "lawyering up" though that will be financially disastrous due to my low-income, high-responsibility ministry job...

[Awakened]

I need to get out and GAL b4 i lose the remaining marbles i have.....