No. You shouldn't. I would proceed with caution. IE temper your enthusiasm.
Ovr, another poster here taught me a new nugget of truth.
When they want you, you will know. When they don't, you will be confused.
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I'm a little confused on why we can't just stop the divorce proceedings period.
You are still Plan B. You have to ask yourself if you value yourself enough to not be someone's plan B. Go read what I wrote to Louise. You are acting out of fear and emotions. You should be using logic and reason.
Last edited by Steve85; 05/16/1902:21 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
He seems to want me. He is acting different toward me, more touchy feely. Happier. Joking more. More jovial, and saying "aww" like he used to at me. It feels like the old hubby is coming back.
. Go read what I wrote to Louise. You are acting out of fear and emotions. You should be using logic and reason.
I get that, but her husband said he still didn't know what he wants. My husband clearly said, I want to rebuild our marriage. He said he thinks it can be even stronger before, and that he isn't willing to give it all up. He said he brought out the full weapons to demolish it, walked right up to the line, and almost pushed the trigger. He said he thought it was hopeless but after time to think about it he knows that we have something pretty special and shouldn't just throw that away for nothing. He said for me to trust him. He said it will be better, he promises. We will get through all of this together and come out even better than before. He gave me a big hug this morning and told me that he promises that things will improve. He said "we are going to be fine."
So why is he asking for a separation then. You are in denial.And you are hanging on words.
Words are cheap. Actions speak louder than words.
If he were coming back, he'd end all legal proceedings. If he were coming back, you'd know without any confusion or doubt. You say he wants you and is coming back, based on words ONLY because that is what you want to believe. Many a LBS has played nice because the WAS started to be "nice"...say the "right things"....and then WHAM! They not only got D'd but got destroyed in the proceedings by conceding too much in the name of trying to "nice" them back,
DO NOT let him just come back without putting work in. If you do you will be right back here in a very short time. Make him EARN his way back. Value yourself MORE than just being his yo-yo. "Come here, come here, come here.....go away, go away, go away......"
You are worth more than being treated like this. Whether you know it or not.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
. Go read what I wrote to Louise. You are acting out of fear and emotions. You should be using logic and reason.
I get that, but her husband said he still didn't know what he wants. My husband clearly said, I want to rebuild our marriage. He said he thinks it can be even stronger before, and that he isn't willing to give it all up. He said he brought out the full weapons to demolish it, walked right up to the line, and almost pushed the trigger. He said he thought it was hopeless but after time to think about it he knows that we have something pretty special and shouldn't just throw that away for nothing. He said for me to trust him. He said it will be better, he promises. We will get through all of this together and come out even better than before. He gave me a big hug this morning and told me that he promises that things will improve. He said "we are going to be fine."
Words..................
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
There is absolutely NO reason for him to lie to me and be this open. He has been staunchly opposed to working on the marriage until now and filed for divorce. I am being guarded and trying not to be too hopeful, but I don't see how this just makes be a plan B. If he doesn't work at it, then I will move on.
I am still going to keep working on the marriage and hopefully he is 100% into it. I still think the mother issue is his deal.
And yes, I have heard of the attraction. I don't see him doing anything like that. I have worried though because he says when they touch he feels an electric current. That does seem a little strange!
I'm currently reading the book, and I'm curious as to why many in the forum focus on appearing to move on from the spouse. I haven't made it that far in the book yet, but it seems to me that this may be a huge misunderstanding. She seems to be saying that you work on your own issues but are very clear about what you expect from the marriage. I was adamant that I did not want a divorce.
I'm currently reading the book, and I'm curious as to why many in the forum focus on appearing to move on from the spouse. I haven't made it that far in the book yet, but it seems to me that this may be a huge misunderstanding. She seems to be saying that you work on your own issues but are very clear about what you expect from the marriage. I was adamant that I did not want a divorce.
InLove, when someone comes to you, says they are leaving you and want a D..........what is the alternative? The book says to focus on what you can control: YOU.
Look, I know you are struggling with this. This is all counter-intuitive. Lots of LBSs struggle with DBing. But guess what, it is a proven fact that pressure and pursuit have almost no change of working. The alternative is move forward by GAL, and detaching. IE giving them the space they are asking for.
Originally Posted by InLove42
There is absolutely NO reason for him to lie to me and be this open.
Originally Posted by InLove42
I have worried though because he says when they touch he feels an electric current. That does seem a little strange!
Can you tell me, how in your mind, objectively, trying to set aside all denial and believing what you want, those two sentences could coexist in the same post?
The second one pretty much blows the first one out of the water.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I'm currently reading the book, and I'm curious as to why many in the forum focus on appearing to move on from the spouse. I haven't made it that far in the book yet, but it seems to me that this may be a huge misunderstanding. She seems to be saying that you work on your own issues but are very clear about what you expect from the marriage. I was adamant that I did not want a divorce. I know my husband and if I appeared to move on, he would as well. He's way too stubborn. That being said, he did say that he noticed positive changes in me and that he thinks that I am making real changes and he would like to as well.
I have been hanging out with friends, reading books, going to counseling, and doing things to work on myself. However, I did set boundaries with the cameras, the heater, and the coming and going in the middle of the night. I told him that I could just move out and we could deal with each other through the lawyers, he'll get his divorce, zero contact, because I wasn't going to live under the gun, and that very day he started to turn around a bit.
I have worried though because he says when they touch he feels an electric current. That does seem a little strange!
This second post was a response to genetic sexual attraction. I don't think there is anything actually happening there.
I don't see how this is believing what I want. He could get a divorce if he wants to get a divorce. I'm reading the book and I will apply the principles, but I think there is some bitterness here. I don't see how saying you don't want a divorce is a bad thing. I learned the technique from a counselor. They said to say, I can see I've hurt you and that you are upset. I don't want a divorce, but I am starting to see why you do. You are right that we have problems. But I do love you and I don't want to just walk away.
