Hi bro. Just take your time to enjoy your life. Keep doing that Davide.
I agree with your friend. You should ask for the ring. It´s a family value.
Keep moving forward D. If you ever go further south than Peru, remember you have a place here to stay. I extend this invitation to any DB brother or sister around that comes to these latitudes.
Stay strong bro!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
I found myself frustrated not so much by that, but by her resistance towards meeting. Yesterday (the day after the date) i suggested meeting up sooner rather than later and even offered to take my moped out to where she lives (a good 45 minutes away.) But she claimed to be not feeling well and not ready to make plans until she feels better. It's a perfectly fine thing to say, but she has consistently put things off and not been forthcoming with sharing things.
It sounds like maybe she thinks you are pushing too hard and fast (reading your posts it sounds like it to me too). Try backing off, if you're texting her every day then wait a couple of days and then check in with her. If you're too pushy that'll look a little desperate and needy to her.
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Oh, a friend of mine claimed that I should ask for the diamond in W's engagement ring back now, since it was a family heirloom from my grandmother. I had never considered asking for it back, is that normal? I find it stranger that she still has my wedding ring, but asking for that back seems awkward as well.
So I did some research into this back when my ex took her wedding ring back. At least here in the US, an engagement ring is considered a gift and by law it's hers to keep UNLESS she breaks off the marriage BEFORE it happens. A wedding ring on the other hand is considered marital property and is subject to equitable division in divorce.
EDIT- I should have added you can of course ask her for it back and see what she says. Just because the law says it's hers doesn't mean she might not be swayed by the fact that it's a family heirloom.
give Ms. Infatuation one more date. Hell, you could even bust out the sex panther cologne. And if she still doesn't warm up, time to move on eh? I will say your updates are always interesting to read.
As for the ring, if it is a family heirloom, it would be weird for your STBXW to keep it in my opinion.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
neffer, tengo ganas de volver al cono sur. No sé si puede pasar este verano, pero volveré. L Te debo unas birras cuando nos veamos.
AS,. Yep, I need patience and to back off some. I was getting ahead of myself and pushing too hard. You can't force this stuff.
Ovr, I am actually glad to hear that there is some entertainment value in my updates. So much of what is shared on here is so raw and painful and at times even triggering. Reading and responding to that is the important work but every now and again a lighter break can be helpful. Also, I want the newcomers to see that it does get better with time, even if the MR doesn't survive.
Regarding the ring -- I'm not worried about legal questions, just ethical ones. It's complicated. The diamond was my grandmother's, who passed away 6 months before we got engaged. I didn't even know about it until my mom offered it to me, so it's not really sentimental to me, but it was part of the family. The ring itself is a special flower design that I asked W's sister to design, so that's probably more meaningful to W. So, I dunno. I don't actually care that much, but I do t want to avoid the conversation simply because it is !very) awkward.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
So the paperwork arrived in the mail yesterday. I was expecting it, but there was still a jolt when I saw the envelope with my own handwriting.
I am definitely processing it emotionally. It brought up some anger some sadness. It clearly doesn't change anything, but it is a normal reaction. I miss the life I had, but I recognize that it is over. It's ok to be sad/angry that I have lost that. I won't dwell on it too long.
I was on a non-date on Wed with the woman from my uni, and we went climbing. She had never done it, but was quite good. It was fun and low pressure since we did it as friends. Afterwards we had a beer and chatted for a bit. There was some awkwardness as I ran into one of my old dates at the gym. And then saw EW there as well (though we didn't cross paths).
I'd really like to get out and GAL this weekend but my options seem to be limited.No plans with the other prof yet this weekend. I have cut back on communication, but she is always very happy to text. If she doesn't set a plan to meet by the end of the weekend I think I'll move on. I don't need texting buddies. Unfortunately, my phone got wet earlier this week and finally died last night so I can't communicate with her or much of anyone else. I hate my reliance on technology.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Cut down on the texting with the prof. If you want to see her, take the lead and make it happen. If she rebuffs you, move on and stop texting.
Feel ya on the jolts with the paperwork. It's the last bits of your emotions around the M. Good on ya for the climbing as a non-date. the low pressure interactions are so important to just reset and have fun. I am a couple of weeks out from climbing and it's finally happening soon. Can't wait to go back.
Stay grounded. I know lots is happening with life, work, and romance.
Rough weekend. It felt like the arrival of the divorce papers ripped the scab off of the wound and exposed it to the fresh air once again. I felt emotions that I hadn't struggled with in quite some time. It certainly wasn't with the same intensity as before, I described it as the smoldering embers rather the full-fledged conflagration that consumed me just over a year ago. Still, they hurt to touch.
It was also lonely. All of my friends in town were hanging out at a party with EW and her man, my dates dried up (mainly by my own accord) and I was left to process all of these emotions mainly by myself. I got out on Saturday climbing for a good three hours. I also went out to yoga on my bike. Just getting the mile and a half there was epic because of the sheet of rain and roaring streams where there should be streets. I was so drenched from those ten minutes that I had to change before yoga! I also made it back out to yoga on Sunday morning, and then did a three hour social bike ride. All this to say that I didn't just sit around the house and mope all weekend.
I called a friend on the other coast looking for someone to commisserate with. He's a very close friend but it is hard to stay in touch bc of the distance and the fact he has two little ones under the age of four. He let me know that his wife has breast cancer. Thankfully only stage one, but even that must be terrifying to deal with. Especially with little kids. It definitely have me a big of a reality check about the insignificance of my problems.
My Prof bailed on weekend plans again, and I was oh so close to snapping and writing a note telling her that I was out. But she mentioned that she was going through a family situation, so when I finally responded a day later I simply wished her the best with the family situation and told her she knew where to find me if she wanted to meet up. She immediately responded and we ended up talking on the phone for a good 40 minutes. Turns out her mom is in the hospital for what seems to be some very serious tests (she already survived two rounds of cancer) and this is halfway around the world, so she is freaking out with worry. We had a very cathartic talk about that, and I told her about my struggles dealing with the finality of the divorce. She, along with a number of other people in my life, expressed surprise that I wasn't celebrating the fact, overjoyed to be out of a bad marriage. But she was also very understanding when I explained my perspective. It was the first time that I feel like she made herself truly vulnerable with me and expressed real emotion, and I'm glad. I still need to do a better job of checking my expectations at the door. At this point I just want to spend time with her to get to know her better and to see if this initial fit can hold up.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
