A - your a grown man, as long as your aware and the blinders are off proceed as you feel. I would agree that you do seem to be rescuing her to a degree just based on what you type.
Maybe is now a good time to advise that young lady that it might be time to think about moving her stuff out of your house, i.e., especially if B is slowly going to be moving some things in.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Maybe is now a good time to advise that young lady that it might be time to think about moving her stuff out of your house, i.e., especially if B is slowly going to be moving some things in.
LOL - I'll send her a note today reminding her that she also has a left-over piece of birthday cake in my freezer. B and I both think that the front porch will become a nice place to sit and have a nice cuppa and watch the world go by - when it can be used again.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
B gave me a call before my bed time / her work time last night from her bathtub and unsolicited and sort of "matter of fact" gave me some details of her STBX's affair just as part of making conversation and because she is planning on seeing him this weekend as she had mentioned before generally. I knew a fair bit already - we've both shared quite a bit of our respective back stories. It just made me shake my head. When they were in in-house separation I believe that he was free with details and still is - no clue why.
The affair has been going on for probably 2+ years now. The woman involved is still married, still living in the matrimonial home and claims to be sleeping on the top bunk of her teen-aged son's bunk bed. In all that time, they have only gotten together "once" about 18 months ago (who knows) and presumably "true love" is stalled for unknown reasons.
I mean - really???? You throw away a spouse, a family, decades of a life built together for that??? And this was his second affair. You'd think that even though he's a bit older that he would be getting some serious nookie or at least wife-appliance house-keeping out of the deal.
On the other hand, like many here, I still have disbelief of what my own spouse walked away from and for not much more as it turned out. Not that I'm what the social media director for the Museum of English Rural Life would call an "absolute unit" but I have all my own teeth and a silky coat of fur.
B is planning a busy weekend, first visiting one of her sons and then back up to the marital home where she and her STBX will be sorting out possessions. Undoubtedly spurred by the thought that she has a place to put them. She says that it's all amicable and there won't be any issues. I expect her to show up on Sunday night with her car stuffed to the gills with boxes and totes. She also said that the next door neighbour is aware she's coming up and she has that as a safe/quiet place to retreat to. She had mentioned that she might be staying in the guest room at the house but then suggested that she would stay with a girlfriend instead.
I have no reason to doubt that things will go as planned and they're not my plans. Fingers crossed.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
You better start making room for B's stuff or y'all will be making paths to get around in the rooms. LOL! Seriously, drop that young lady a note and advise her that she needs to come get her stuff and give her a drop dead date to do so.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You better start making room for B's stuff or y'all will be making paths to get around in the rooms. LOL! Seriously, drop that young lady a note and advise her that she needs to come get her stuff and give her a drop dead date to do so.
I was talking to 20S yesterday. Even the enticement of an entire piece of frozen left-over birthday cake didn't inspire her too much to come visit right away. She did say that she and her boyfriend have been house-hunting. She was very happy to hear that B and I are talking cohabitation and she was the one to bring up the topic of her stuff.
Given the scale of stuff that my ex-wife took plus what I packed up there is probably room for lots even without turning the house in to a hoarder's den again.
It will all work out. Getting S24 off is butt to get a better job so that he can become independent is a bigger issue. I think he's currently got the "grumpies" due to the surprise that B will be moving in and also due to the fact that he's not getting any work to speak of this week. Maybe that will help motivate him. There are plenty of jobs out there even for a young man with no degree or driver's license.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
You'd think that even though he's a bit older that he would be getting some serious nookie or at least wife-appliance house-keeping out of the deal.
Lolol. Pretty sure he's lying about they got together "one time", and pretty sure his OW is lying to him about which bed she is sleeping in. Sounds like her STBX got taken for a real ride.
But people do crazy things in MLC. My ex dumped an intelligent, pretty, easy-going, loving and supportive wife and what he himself admitted was an excellent sex life (His exact words: "i'm afraid I won't have sex this good again") to pursue the illusion of youth and immortality. I don't know that he regrets it - he seems pretty happy now with his young wife - but I do imagine he sometimes wonders if it was all worth it.
But people do crazy things in MLC. My ex dumped an intelligent, pretty, easy-going, loving and supportive wife and what he himself admitted was an excellent sex life (His exact words: "i'm afraid I won't have sex this good again") to pursue the illusion of youth and immortality. I don't know that he regrets it - he seems pretty happy now with his young wife - but I do imagine he sometimes wonders if it was all worth it.
Yeah. B as I've mentioned has "bonus curves" and some odd things going on because of the large amount of weight she put on and then lost in the last 4 or 5 years combined with some significant abdominal scars from her childhood. But her smile .... and her passion is beyond anything I would have imagined. Makes me feel sorry for my ex-wife's OM as he most certainly got the other side of that particular bell curve. My ex - possibly reluctantly - dumped a man who doted on her and was a solid "lighthouse" and who accepted her hoarding, temper and low sex drive as "just one of those things". I certainly learned how to jump through hoops to please another bed partner which B seems to be very appreciative of.
In my case my ex left me for someone older and marginally better off financially who she still as far as I know hasn't managed to catch.
I just sent B off to work on her night shift complete with a packed lunch after the light dinner I cooked. Not sure when we'll get together next. A certain amount of guess-work was required on the lunch contents. Carrot sticks, PB&J sandwich, and 3 hard-boiled eggs. The last 2 I know are a common part of the lunches she makes for herself and I had carrots and not broccoli which she usually packs. I joked that it wasn't a competition to see who could spoil the other because I'd obviously win
She's had a long few days - I certainly know my way around my kitchen (pork chops tonight for those playing the home game) so a bit of extra cooking and lunch making certainly didn't put me out while she was having an afternoon nap which still gave her a sleep shortfall for the day.
And "yes" he is still single. Sort of. Kind of. Not really.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
You better start making room for B's stuff or y'all will be making paths to get around in the rooms. LOL! Seriously, drop that young lady a note and advise her that she needs to come get her stuff and give her a drop dead date to do so.
I was talking to 20S yesterday. Even the enticement of an entire piece of frozen left-over birthday cake didn't inspire her too much to come visit right away. She did say that she and her boyfriend have been house-hunting. She was very happy to hear that B and I are talking cohabitation and she was the one to bring up the topic of her stuff.
Given the scale of stuff that my ex-wife took plus what I packed up there is probably room for lots even without turning the house in to a hoarder's den again.
It will all work out. Getting S24 off is butt to get a better job so that he can become independent is a bigger issue. I think he's currently got the "grumpies" due to the surprise that B will be moving in and also due to the fact that he's not getting any work to speak of this week. Maybe that will help motivate him. There are plenty of jobs out there even for a young man with no degree or driver's license.
You're so funny. I love that you are such a genuinely nice person and that you really do NOT want to do anything but take care of others. As long as you brush off 20S and give her excuses like having lots of room due to clearing out XW's stuff, she is going to continue to leave her stuff. It is so not in your nature to just call her up and say you have until this date to get your crap or I'm packing it off to a thrift store (or the dump or give it away or whatever). But, here's the thing, Andrew. I'm not saying 20S is using you, but people her age do not seem overly-motivated to do things even when it is specifically related TO THEM. She's going to keep leaving her stuff as long as you allow it. It may not seem like a big deal, but it really kind of is. You were very kind to offer her a rent-free storage space for her stuff, but at some point, she has to either move into her own space or get rid of it. The fact that it has been in your house for some time tells me that, obviously, it really isn't stuff that has a lot of use or significance to her, so why store it for her? Because you are nice.
As far as S24, you know how I feel about all that. You are a fantastic dad. You are a stand-up guy in general, but you are a really great dad. You are rescuer and a caretaker. I find it interesting that now that you and B are moving toward cohabitation, getting S24 out has suddenly become a bigger priority, but it doesn't surprise me. I have said before and I will continue to believe that he is a GROWN MAN. He NEEDS to get his stuff together and get out. He doesn't seem particularly irresponsible, based on what you post. He's paid off student loans and kept a steady job, as best he can. But, he also does nothing around the house, save occasionally fix his own food and even then he leaves the mess for you to clean up; he smokes weed in your house; he doesn't have a driver's license (this particular one boggles my mind because I can't imagine a young man who doesn't want to get a driver's license). He just seems to lack general motivation to grow up and be independent. Honestly, being a responsible adult blows chunks sometimes and if I had the opportunity to live off of someone and have all my worries taken care of, I would likely do it just to get out from under responsibility (though for me, it wouldn't last long before I would need to get the F up out). I feel bad for his work situation because he does seem to want to work (no doubt a product of great parenting), but can't he find roommates or something to move with rather than living off you? I get that he's your son and you feel obligated to take care of him, but it is going to be awfully awkward when B moves in for y'all to be living with your grown son. (Awkward for him AND for y'all.)
I do get it, for the most part, because I am a lot like you in a lot of ways. And, as we have discussed before, I have a kind of ne'er-do-well daughter that wants to live off anyone else who will step up and care for her. If me or either of her biological parents would go for it, she would be living with one of us right now with her husband and 2 children in tow. I'm all for helping our kids and being there for them and supporting them emotionally, but I'm not about supporting them financially once they get to the full-on adult stage. I suspect your son is a little more productive than my daughter, just based on the fact that he does work and doesn't seem to necessarily accept money from you, at least not that you mentioned (and even if he does, none of my business....that is between y'all). I think it will all work out the way it is supposed to but I'm keeping his job prospects and his independence in my prayers for everyone's sake.
As far as him being grumpy about B moving in, well, it is YOUR house and until he starts contributing financially, he doesn't really have a right to get grumpy about anything house-related. If he wants a say, he needs to start ponying up some money. But, I know that won't happen and I get it. I can say that very easily from the outside, but if I was in your situation, I couldn't/wouldn't do it either.
Great job on B's lunch. I'm sure she appreciated what you packed for her. It is too sweet how you spoil her and I hope she appreciates it. You are NOT, in fact, single........................;)
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
For those playing the home game, you might be interested to know that CL seems to be moving forward with her life / divorce. She just changed her name in the last week or so on two of her four social media accounts to her maiden name and appears to currently be in NYC with at least her son (14?) for his birthday.
So that's about 6 months or so from when she got serious about her divorce and more or less dropped out of sight. No clue what the status of it is but presumably moving towards conclusion. On one hand I semi-regret not hanging around. On paper she certainly was a good match. Smart, well read, sassy, a fair bit younger than me, blonde, very attractive, good career, nice teeth. My relatives were certainly all in favour as did she herself. Given other things though in hindsight it was a good thing that it didn't work out between us. I do hope she's doing well but don't intend on reaching out. I expect that her life will continue to be "complex" for at least another 6 months.
B also has nice teeth and has sassy to spare.
B did mention to me yesterday that her plan to "amicably" sort out possessions this weekend might be a flop. It seems that her STBX called her while she was driving and had a series of "demands" that historically she would have been accommodating with but in this case she more or less just flipped him off. She did comment that the "stuff" involved generally really doesn't mean much to her because she's done without it for about 2 years now and doesn't really miss it.
We'll see. Just like CL's divorce I don't think things will be as amicable and easy as she expects. The geographical distance though I think helps give her mental distance.
It's interesting how my off-line diary is evolving. I've been taking to opening an entry and then putting down random thoughts through the day. Some days I miss all together but it seems to be an almost daily thing. Certainly lots more details, topics and more fully spelled names than I use here.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
