Last attempt. OrangeK v.2

[joejoe1]

O,

If you aren't giving up any important event, I don't see a reason why you shouldn't do it. She asked you four weeks in advice, which is respectable and considerate. She doesn't ask all the time, so she probably used you as a last resort.

Also, if she doesn't bring it back up, I would just leave it be. Since you didn't say yes when she first asked, she probably felt that you couldn't/didn't want to do it, so she probably found someone else to watch him.

I don't see a problem in you helping her out.

[Ginger1]

When you make your decisions, you need to leave teaching her a lesson out of it. She’s going to a wedding, it’s not ditching parental responsibilities. If you were a couple and had a wedding to go to and got. Babysitter would that be both of you ditching parental responsibilities.

It’s not your job to punish her or teach her a lesson.

You have many years of coparenting ahead. You may have a wedding to go to one day on your time with S4. You might need her to take him. Would you like her to return the courtesy? Or do you want to be so rigid that when you need something she won’t work with you?

I often take my daughter when my ex has something to do. And I don’t really care what it is. If I can, I will. And he does the same for me. My poor boyfriend’s ex is horribly rigid to the minute of parenting time. He wishes to god they can just be a little flexible for life’s events on both ends.

Look big picture. What she does with her time is none of your concern anymore. But she told you what it was and it was pretty valid. Just remember you might be in her shoes one day.

[TBSakaJ9]

O - I used to think that way early on now I don't give a $hit. I take my girls whenever I can get them, I stop by their practices to see them when it is not my week to have them and if the XW asks me if she can drop them off early I often agree if I am not doing anything.

When you get to the point to where you do what you want to do for yourself and only yourself with no consideration for what your XW is doing then you have truly detached.

I could care less what my xw is doing or has planned when she asks me if she can drop of early or etc. The thought no longer crosses my mind In fact she did it two weeks ago as she wanted to go to brunch with her girlfriends on a Sunday afternoon.

Since I no longer desire her I could care less what she thinks I keep to myself and do my thing.

I would concur.....think big picture.

[job]

Please start a new thread and link both threads together. Thanks!

[OrangeK]

Ginger, the only problem is that no matter how many favors I do, she will only ever do what serves her. There will never be any consideration of things I've done in the past to help her out if I ever ask a favor. I'm not trying to teach her any lessons here I'm simply trying to illustrate the fact that she should probably figure out her own solutions for not having a babysitter. I'm not trying to be spiteful here but I honestly believe that the only reason she asked me is because it's the easiest option for her and she wouldn't have to pay any babysitters. Additionally as I mentioned I do have plans, I should not be expected to drop what I'm doing just to accommodate her needs. You both mention how You helped your exes out and they do the same for you. I wish I could say the same. please remember that there is no semblance of compassion or equal treatment in her mind. The only things that matter to her are when people can do things for her so she doesn't have to do them herself.

[OrangeK]

additionally I don't think I would ask her for a favor like that. I have family and friends that can help me out in situations like this, and given the complaints I get from S4 about his time with her I would much rather send him to see his uncle and Aunt or my grandparents if I needed a babysitter


Honestly I think I'm just going to wait and see what she does. If she doesn't ask again that I'm not going to plan my weekend around her, when she asked a few weeks ago I said I would see what I could do. If she does not follow up to make arrangements with me then that's her problem. I'm not going to break no contact and initiate a conversation to remind her of a favor she asked me. there's a part of me that honestly believes that the only reason she asked me in the first place was to test the waters and see how pliable and agreeable I would be. I think there's a part of her that would still get great satisfaction out of knowing that I would be willing to do her favors after everything she's done. Ginger please remember the Spite and Vengeance this woman is capable of. the calculating and manipulative the decisions she makes

[Ginger1]

So you have asked with advance notice before if she could take son for an event and she turned you down out of spite?

In most divorce decrees, including my own, the parent who needs coverage on their parenting time MUST ask the custodial parent before any 3 rd party. If parent refuses, then they move onto a babysitter.

If you don’t want to and can’t for your own self. Don’t do it.

[Ginger1]

You said you would see what you could do and never got back to her? She just might not want to push too hard and is waiting for you to get back to her. Don’t let it linger. If you don’t want to, tell her no. Nothing wrong with that as long as you are saying no for yourself. But don’t let it linger.

I do believe in treating others as I want to be treated, even if they do t treat me the same way back. Sometimes people will follow my lead. And by that, I’m not saying to say yes, I’m just saying you said you would check if you could, at least get back to her on that with a definitive answer.

Live your life as you would, not how other people would react to it

[OrangeK]

That last line speaks volumes. And that's exactly what I shall do. I live my life taking responsibility for what I need to take care of. I follow up on what I need to follow up on. and I put my son first. If she needs something and wants to make plans to make a commendations there in then she can reach out to me and follow up to make plans. let me rephrase, when she asked a few weeks ago I told her I didn't know what my plans were and to follow up with me When it got closer to remind me. I obviously haven't forgotten and do not need reminding, but I never agreed to do her the favor. if I know anything about her she probably assumed that I'm going to. Despite the fact that I did not say that I would. If she does not follow up and make plans then that's her problem and if I have resolved to go and do what I have planned then she's crap out of luck. I will consider what you said about treating people the way you want to be treated but I spent the last year of my life training my mind to realize that she is not the person that I thought she was and does nothing if it does not benefit her directly. I'm not in the habit of bending over and doing favors for people like that especially ones that have going out of their way to slander my reputation, have me arrested under false pretenses, lie, cheat, and manipulate. And honestly, I'm not exactly tickled pink about the idea of babysitting while she can go to a wedding considering that's exactly what I was doing 3 weeks after our own wedding while she was off at her friend's wedding cheating on me. She has spent her life having people do things for her and clean up her messes after her. I'm not joining the ranks of those people. If she wants to act like an adult it approached me about a situation and have a discussion about it I may feel inclined to do the favor but if she expect me to just bend over and do what she wants when she wants she's got another thing coming

[OrangeK]

also our divorce decree does not require that she asks the other parent for babysitting first. That's actually a specific point that has been discussed heavily due to the situation last October with her father.