Dealing with a WW and getting through divorce 6

[ovrrnbw]

It seems as if you are talking about divorce as much as she has, and neither has taken much action.

You still try to rub her nose in things and make little comments. If you are as detached as you say, then what's the point of that?

It appears you are both still under each other's skin. When's the last time you and her had a convo without arguing? If you didn't care and were truly done, why haven't you moved forward with the divorce?

Don't get me wrong, her infidelities are actions aren't great, but I don't like you stooping to her level.

[SoTorn]

I honestly don't make any comments to her about anything. We arent arguing. I literally just leave her be. I have nothing to talk to her about beyond the kids. Im cordial when she talks to me.

She argues that i dont deserve what i am legally entitled to when she starts talking about the settlement.

I haven't filed because my plan was to get financially situated beforehand which will take until end of March. Im executing my plan now. Im very much detached. Doesnt mean that it doesnt bother me to be around her.

I just really want to move on. Being here in the house with her is not moving on. Im not in limbo. Just waiting for everything to line up the way i need it to.

I was hoping she would be amicable and agree with me beforehand and then she could file and we would get it done quickly.

[svdad]

I
She argues that i dont deserve what i am legally entitled to when she starts talking about the settlement.

That's what L's and courts are for.

Did you guys ever consider mediation (just curious for my own reasons here)

[SoTorn]

svdad,

I agree. I have spoken with seven L's now. I have a plan where I can retain an L if I need. At this point I have not needed to do that. I can an L for free.

I did suggest mediation. I suggested that we just agree amicably and her L file but she wants to lowball me on the settlement.

I feel that my WW thought I was just going to accept a quick exit package and leave everything alone and when I rebutted her offer she started to threaten me with fighting over custody. I ended that with telling her that I will be happy to go to court and will be represented by an L if it goes that route.

Right now I am just trying to figure out if I should/can move out. I don't want to live in the house anymore. I will either need the settlement money or to live with my mom for a while so I can pay some bills down, sell my car/pay it down, find a place, buy furniture etc.

What I am worried about now is that if I move to my moms is my WW, who makes about triple what I do, going to expect me to pay half the mortgage? Is she going to throw me living in my moms in my face and try and get sole custody if I am not in my own place yet?

This is a bad time to be looking for places to rent because costs are high and places rent fast. All of the places I am looking at are not available until next month earliest.

That being said I started my exit plan. So the wheels are rolling in my favor now. I will be debt free no matter what within a month and I can start over easily after that.

Funny that my WW has suggested several times already that I not move out and just stay there with her even though we will be D'd. A couple of months ago she was all for me moving out and wouldnt stop asking if I was going to move out or not.

[SoTorn]

Quick update. WW agreed to my requests in the D settlement. Just need to figure out my logistics and continue to execute my financial plan.

GAL is still in full effect. Went to out of state this last weekend and will be doing that more often. I have been going to the gym at least twice a week. WW is out of town a lot for work so I don't like to leave the kids at home alone. Kids are on break now, going to take them to dinner and a movie tonight.

I started a hot yoga class thats right near my work. Employees where I work get a huge discount on unlimited classes so I took advantage of it. A very good friend of mine that I work with is now an instructor for the class. Its going to take a lot for me to get used to doing yoga in a very hot room. Gym membership is ending so I will be using my work gym or finding a much cheaper place.

Been maintaining my weight and very very slowly dropping body fat percentage. I still feel and look great. I still havent 100% decided to move to my moms yet or not. If I move there I will not be able to execute my portion of the custody agreement until I get my own place, but regardless if I stay in my house it will still be a bit before I get my own place because rentals are very hard to come by and not very cheap.

Overall I feel good. I still have some times where I get down. But they pass very fast. Mostly I am just down because I know that my kids won't have their dad 100% of the time like they do now. Kids are doing great in school. Both S11 and D16 doing very well. D16 lettered in academics and we had her ceremony this last Monday. Very proud of my kids. They are doing much better in school than I did.

I am carrying an A+ in my online college courses. I will have a degree eventually. Work is ok. The demotion [censored] but its an easy job. Very mundane though. I did this same job for 10 years before all of this BS happened and stripped me of my hard earned leadership role.

Hope everyone is doing well. Keep your head up, you will live. We got this.

[SoTorn]

So I thoroughly read through the paperwork WW gave me. I found tons of ambiguities that significantly benefited her. Such as a stipulation only for me where she would buy me out and I would get 50% of the equity. But only up to a small amount. No stipulations for her.

[ovrrnbw]

While she doesn't deserve it, give her the benefit of the doubt and don't let her take up any mental space or bother you at all. And keep your eyes peeled for stuff like this.

[SoTorn]

Update.

I finally got the WW to remove all of the limiting verboage from the settlement. Although I could have run her through the ringer in court and blew through a ton in legal fees, I will get a decent settlement which will be enough for me to get out of debt and move out.

That being said we both signed the paperwork and her attorney filed today. So it will all be said and done soon. I am looking forward to getting away from this horrible person. Ill post more when its done and I am moved on.

Kids are doing ok. GAL is still in full force. My new female friend is a very nice woman. I have visited her several times and she has visited me a couple of times. I like her quite a bit, but my major goals are moving out and creating a stable environment for our kids.

For everyone thats in the middle of a horrible sitch, keep your head up. You have value, you deserve to be loved and appreciated. Love yourself. Move forward. A cheating and lying spouse does not deserve your love and support.

[AnotherStander]

Glad to hear it's all resolved ST! As for that last statement, amen!

[SoTorn]

Quick update. D is filed, case is active and with a judge. WW asked me for my pay stubs. I asked why and the judge reached out to her attorney stating that we MUST file a child support worksheet. I had agreed to $0 in support but I knew deep down that this may happen.

If the judge follows the law, she will order child support. Everything I have read online says that you cannot agree to waive child support unless both parties have the same income. My WW makes significantly more than I do, so if the judge follows the law, she will pay me.

We will see. I dont know why a judge would ask for the child support worksheet when she isnt considering enforcing child support. The worksheet does not have a place where yiu can agree not to pay, its calculated by law and based on our incomes and then we sign it.