Attracting the WW back ?

[gzabetas]

Thanks for the support Steve85.

You are correct in that its a journey with many more stops along the way.
Oh and dont get me wrong. If I have any sanity left is due to the DR book and this forum.

Its just that this week the bizzaro factor and her madness went thru the roof.
4 months of DBing and it only did good to me.

So this week she wanted me to leave the house, had her lawyer try it on me. Forced me to finally get a lawyer which thank God shut them both up pretty good. Their scare tactics failed. But only because I found a nice female lawyer who felt for my case. Thank God for that.

Then - and for anyone still reading this thread it gets really strange and juicy - I found artifacts of "magic/voodoo" around the house. Please dont think I am a fool. I surely dont beleive in this stuff but it just convinced me that my wife has really gone into a weird dark place.

I found burnt red candles with needles burning on them. Googling it, she is probably in a rough spot with her affair and trying anything to get him back. Rest assured its not for me. Maddness right?

Upon further inspection I found burnt stuff and cadles/ashes outside my bedroom balcony.!

I confronted her. She said she burned all my stuff in a ritual (old dried flowers I had given etc). I told her to get rid of it.

She also has been visiting a psychic in the next town over, which she used to say helped her.. But now I see its about her Affair and does he really love her etc. High school crushes etc stuff.

How sad....

I did realize that my wife suffers from some kind of emotional instability. BPD perhaps.
Talk to my father in law alot, who strangely enough has my back and stopped talking to her, realizing her rebellion.

[SteveLW]

So G, at this point, why are you still trying to save this? I am pretty sure that voodoo and witchcraft would be a dealbreaker for me.

[AnotherStander]

I tried really hard DBing my ass off and every other thing I could do, becoming a new better me. But this person is so determined to get rid of me, it is unavoidable.

It unavoidable for now. That doesn't mean things might be different down the road, but in the short term there is no turning them around, no magic tricks to "wake them up", nothing but just letting events unfold while you give them time and space.

I give you the following example, which always comes in our fights, for your evaluation. It will show you how biased and skewed their perspectives are.

Yes that is a classic example of "rewriting history". This really is how she sees things right now. She remembers nothing but bad stuff and has forgotten all of the good. Eventually she will remember the good too, but it's going to take her a long time. All you can do is step back and be patient.

So this week she wanted me to leave the house, had her lawyer try it on me. Forced me to finally get a lawyer which thank God shut them both up pretty good. Their scare tactics failed.

Good! That's great, it's important to protect yourself, especially against a WAS that is firmly in the fog like yours.

I found artifacts of "magic/voodoo" around the house. Please dont think I am a fool. I surely dont beleive in this stuff but it just convinced me that my wife has really gone into a weird dark place.

I found burnt red candles with needles burning on them. Googling it, she is probably in a rough spot with her affair and trying anything to get him back. Rest assured its not for me. Maddness right?

Upon further inspection I found burnt stuff and cadles/ashes outside my bedroom balcony.!

Whaaaaaaaat? OK now that is something I have not heard on these forums before!

[curtis7]

I found artifacts of "magic/voodoo" around the house. Please dont think I am a fool. I surely dont beleive in this stuff but it just convinced me that my wife has really gone into a weird dark place.

I found burnt red candles with needles burning on them. Googling it, she is probably in a rough spot with her affair and trying anything to get him back. Rest assured its not for me. Maddness right?

Believe it or not, I know someone that practiced similar magic for their own well being and manifestation of desires. They would cast attraction and love spells to try and lure certain people to them. So, I wouldn’t be surprised that a WW deep in the fog would try anything to keep things going with their affair partner.

[gzabetas]

So G, at this point, why are you still trying to save this? I am pretty sure that voodoo and witchcraft would be a dealbreaker for me.

So Steve85 you are correct. This voodoo stuff sent me over the line of trying.

Why may I still be ambivalent? The 3 year old we have together, who is going thru some hard times because of this.
And the old person I knew and fell in love with - before the "alien abduction" as is said here on this board.

I think deep down there is a person that once held me in respect and saw a future. But she is gone now.
I need to face that and mourn it and move forward.

I also believe that all these items (affair, voodoo etc) come from alot of pain inside of her.
I now know I cant fix her. I can only save what I have left inside me.

It upsets me that no matter how many red flags of concern that I raise for her sanity no one here in the real world (unlike this board which is very helpful) raises an eyebrow.
My kid will be spending many days with this "broken" person and I dont know what that can be like. She forgets to feed him, appointments etc. I have been picking up all her work since she went AWOL with girls night out, extra shifts at work, gym visits twice a day every day etc.

As many others mentioned here, I too have lost alot of weight. I even lost 2 teeth that simply broke and had to get them extracted. Eating out of one side now. I feel like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly where he is falling apart.

So 2 different psychologists she saw, and no one saw her problems.

Doing research on her symptoms I think she has BPD. I told her parents to keep an eye on her post divorce (when that happens) because I will have to move back to the States for work. They didnt seem worried either.

Darn, what does it take to let people know that the person next to you is not OK in their head.
She doesnt want my help, but I sure hope someone would step in and take care of her.

Yes that is a classic example of "rewriting history". This really is how she sees things right now. She remembers nothing but bad stuff and has forgotten all of the good. Eventually she will remember the good too, but it's going to take her a long time. All you can do is step back and be patient.

Very well put AnotherStrander. Your faith in humanity really gives me hope. For real. Thank you for that.

Believe it or not, I know someone that practiced similar magic for their own well being and manifestation of desires. They would cast attraction and love spells to try and lure certain people to them. So, I wouldn’t be surprised that a WW deep in the fog would try anything to keep things going with their affair partner.

Yup, I think the voodoo I found in my house, which was pointed out to me by neighbors, this is how naive I am, is an indication of that fog Curtis. Along with visits to psychics that she does lately.
Anything to keep that affair going. Very well said

[Ready2Change]

Question to the guys out there btw. How does one approach and hug a wife when she is angry for days.
It feels like wrestling a crocodile.
All I needed was a hug she told me once.
So he next time I went in for a hug I got slapped.

Treat her like a cat.

I put my arm out, but do not go in. If she comes in for the hug she needs great. If not great. I offered.

[gzabetas]

Very good analogy Ready2Change.
I have read about the cat analogy before here in this forum. Not chasing, and letting her come to you.

As a follow-up on my case on anyone who may be reading my thread I will add this.

I called her IC. As I had mentioned on this thread earlier, I had found artifacts of witchcraft, and brought this to his attention. Will my kid be safe if we separate and she has her days with him.

Also, her IC was also mine and he knew both of us. When I had asked him last time I saw him he told me to pursue my wife as there was still hope.
I got called in to my son's preschool psychologist and got told to let me life walk away and give her the divorce.
I told her my IC said to continue reconnection efforts. She told me that doesnt make sense, because he had told my wife to leave me, she said.
So I mentioned this to our IC as well.
Of course he confirmed what we are all thinking. She lied. Once again. To everyone, about anything.

So his diagnosis, on all these issues, (and it helps those who wonder why our wives dont communicate well and dont empathize with us, seeng things a little bit from our POV, ) is IMMATURITY.

She is immature he told me. Now this sounds trivial I know. No biggie. And yet it is.
Its nothing complex as BPD as I thought or psychosis. Google emotional immaturity in our spouse and I am sure most of what we have complained about here is on that list.
Of course there next relationship will suffer. They cant have relationships if they dont communicate. period,

[gzabetas]

So we just got back from church. Evening liturgy.

Here in Greece these Fridays before Easter are Salutations to the Virgin Mary. In Orthodox faith Easter is a larger significance holiday than Christmas as it leads to the Resurrection.

So this is the second Friday we went. And as we light our candles each time, I wonder what her wish is.
We all know what mine is. What all LBS want. The dream of all of it going away.
I think she is praying for the opposite, to cancel my prayers out.

How bizzare this period in my life is. We are holding the kid in our hands and I can feel her praying for release.

[gzabetas]

Update on my status


We have met with our lawyers and my wife wants to go for an amount that I cant pay with my current income.
Here in Greece the law favors the mom so concepts like joint custody are foreign. Only the mama can raise her boy.

The lawyer meeting was my first disheartening event. Its strange to see how far detached the wife is. Calculating the monetary data. Her lawyer insulted me, making it seem like I was not willing to work for more money.
Meanwhile I had more degrees than anyone in that room. Top 5% at DePaul etc. My arguments and sarcasm were lost on that crowd. They only listened to their own arguments and when I shot them down they simply repeated them as if I didnt understand... It was depressing..

So I may not be able to pay this money and may have to go to jail one day if I dont pay.

My only sin was picking up this little girl years ago and educating her, loving her, listening, giving her a kid that she wanted. She was a mess psychologically when I met her, but damn it, once again I didnt run.
The boyscout in me thought he could help. Might I add this is the 2nd time in my life I pick up damaged goods.
Absolutely never again. I mean it. I have risked my sanity and life on broken people.

My good engineer friend told me the other day that when you pick up weak people to help/love them, their self hatred is enough in them that it will cause them to hate you too for valuing them in the first place.
Similar to Jesus being punished for trying to help(I remember the musical where Judas sings "And they will hurt you when they find they're wrong"). People expect miracles that they want and not what you can offer.

Part II

New discoveries. Even more depressing (follows)


We keep talking about the OM in this forum. but I only had hints up to now.

Today when she was gone, I saw she had left her purse wide open on the table.

I snooped. Guilty. Found notes of her with interactions with OM.
Little diaries that women keep about how they made them feel. What he whispered in her ear.
Plus there details of events that pointed to it being real, with a real OM.
Little drawn hearts on the page with her love words.

You always think it cant happen to you. I mean we were watching Unfaithful the other night on TV and she didnt even flinch. How good we are at hiding our sins.

I still havent revealed what I know.


When she moves into her new place I will leave printouts of these on her new floor or walls.

[gzabetas]

Meanwhile inside our house I have been playing nothing but Ennio Morricone revenge tracks while she is in the next room.

My tracklist. (all Morricone)

Opening song from Five man Army

My Fault (not many people know this one, but it rules. It has the ticking clock that is running out, the child music box winding down as if the inner child and his naivity are dying inside him as he unleashes all rage around 2 minutes in when all hell breaks lose)

The Wild Horde (when old Henry Fonda fights the Wild Bunch all on his own)