You are there man, keep your journey of detachment and GAL.
Happy birthday man!
Thanks Neffer
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
No contact can be great for detachment, and it sounds like you are getting there.
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I don't think I will ever get married again. Maybe I might have a partner or something down the line, but right now i just want to heal and be happy with myself. I'm a good man and i know my value, so do others.
You are absolutely spot-on about healing yourself. Find that inner joy and strength inside of you. Your happiness is completely under your own control.
That said, I wouldn't make any broad pronouncements about your future. No one knows what the future has in store for us, and it is best to be open to all the possibilities.
Good to hear from you again.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
No contact can be great for detachment, and it sounds like you are getting there.
Quote
I don't think I will ever get married again. Maybe I might have a partner or something down the line, but right now i just want to heal and be happy with myself. I'm a good man and i know my value, so do others.
You are absolutely spot-on about healing yourself. Find that inner joy and strength inside of you. Your happiness is completely under your own control.
That said, I wouldn't make any broad pronouncements about your future. No one knows what the future has in store for us, and it is best to be open to all the possibilities.
Good to hear from you again.
Thanks Davide.
Do you find it strange though that it's 7 months now since she first said she wanted a Divorce, yet nothing has been done? Even today, it's 3 months since the last Contact where she asked about my solicitor's details and mentioned she was sending me stuff, yet hasn't done anything. Now recently deactivated her FB account, wrote a goodbye message and said she was moving back to Germany.
It's soon coming up to 1 year where WW and AP started this A.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
I don't think it is strange at all. My EW BD'd me a year ago and never lifted a finger to move towards divorce. I did all of it myself, and she even told me that she wasn't "ready" for it, despite leaving me 9 months earlier and taking up with OM 7 months earlier. They are in a fog and just go wherever their emotions lead them that day.
That said, the sooner you stop worrying about where her head is the better will be for you. You can't understand it, and you definitely can't control it. Letting go of all that is quite freeing. You have a great future out there waiting for you.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
8 months since my WW told me she wanted a divorce.
1 year since her and AP I believe started their EA, which evolved into a PA in mid-june 2018.
8.5 months since I last saw her.
3.5 months she last contacted me, regarding the divorce.
I still haven't been served papers.
She is living back in Germany again since probably last February. I believe she is living with her AP since.
She deactivated her FB account over 2 months ago.
We are still married, nothing legally signed, just separated.
I'm keeping busy and moving forward, but I do hate this limbo. I know that once the year mark comes since she moved out, i can legally make decisions.
The last few weeks since my birthday, I have been reflective and trying to understand this mess. I still feel dehumanized and emasculated.
Perhaps my WW regrets what she did, but has not once shown any remorse or signs of coming back.
Her life seems to be revolved about her work and AP. Nothing else.
I haven't heard from my in-laws at Christmas. I don't expect to either. It's awkward on them and I know that they really don't know what to say to me anymore, as they probably feel they don't want to hurt me..
I haven't been messaging them, writing bad things about my WW or anything. I never did that. There is just a depressing lack of communication or action from her side. Sometimes I dream I will receive a letter or email saying she wants to work things out, she regrets what she did and if I would give her another chance.
Doing all the right things, GAL, detached, working on myself and keeping busy. But i do feel mugged from what happened to me.
Just journaling and wanted to share my thoughts.
Hope you all are doing well and making progress too.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
Small update, saw on linkedin today my WW started a new job in the city where she is living with her AP.
It's hard to see these things , as she's shutting all the doors to her previous life and further distancing herself from everyone.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
Your message is focused almost entirely on your W. You are trying to mind-read a woman who moved to another country months ago. Why are you looking at her status on linkedin? Cut that out. Block her, or unfriend her, or whatever it is you do there. It's not going to help your state of mind to get these little crumbs of information that mean nothing. You have to let her go. It may be an awful serious of decisions, enormous mistakes, but you have to let her make them. The relationship you had is over. Grieve it, but let it go. Perhaps one day you can construct a new relationship with her, but you can't keep hanging on to the dead one. It will poison you.
What are you doing for yourself? How are you GALing? How are you moving forward with your life? How are you improving yourself? You mention those things, but only in passing while devoting most of your attention to your W. What's the story there?
hugs,
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Your message is focused almost entirely on your W. You are trying to mind-read a woman who moved to another country months ago. Why are you looking at her status on linkedin? Cut that out. Block her, or unfriend her, or whatever it is you do there. It's not going to help your state of mind to get these little crumbs of information that mean nothing. You have to let her go. It may be an awful serious of decisions, enormous mistakes, but you have to let her make them. The relationship you had is over. Grieve it, but let it go. Perhaps one day you can construct a new relationship with her, but you can't keep hanging on to the dead one. It will poison you.
What are you doing for yourself? How are you GALing? How are you moving forward with your life? How are you improving yourself? You mention those things, but only in passing while devoting most of your attention to your W. What's the story there?
hugs,
It's only a note of information davide. If you're following my story you understand how little i have got from my WW since last year. I'm working on myself by keeping myself fit, going hillwalking and doing little side projects like renovating an old car. I have completed lots of projects in work with my team. I have been doing lots of counselling, reading self helpbooks and treating myself to nice things. I have been on a few dates and putting my toe out there again.
I havent begged, pleaded etc. Just doing the very best i can. I'm a human too and make mistakes.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
