You are doing very well, and one can see you are more detached. It is good to see your clearer perspective and strength.
I am sure the birthday party will be just grand, even if it is your first timing planning one. Nice job not listening to W, and listening to daughter about which friends to invite. You’re right it is daughter’s party, and she can decide. I too, hope W doesn’t lose her cool - fingers crossed.
DnJ
R678 - I’ll pop over to your thread.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
So I spoke with Atty and reached out to W regarding divorce. I asked her to email me what she wants for final decree. She asked first that I agree to NOT using Atty or mediation prior to any discussion. I said I cannot do that until she tells me her terms. She said I was playing games. After a few repetitive texts back and forth, it quickly devolved. I cannot imagine this. It would be like signing a contract before it is filled out. She filed motion for me to pay Atty fees based on the fact I won't respond to her. I'm sorry, but fantasy land must be a nice place to reside.
She is about to be served discovery and OM is being served notice to appear for a deposition. I was mistaken before, my Atty had not sent discovery yet. It is about to get ugly.
She then texted again saying she doesn't want to speak to me much right now and that I am stubborn. I told her we have to see each other this weekend for kids bday party and we need to put differences aside.
On the plus side, got a great offer on the house. She, of course, was not satisfied with the offer. I hope it all goes well.
It looks like W still wants a D, but without you having legal counsel. Cannot make assumptions about her legal team, she may say she is going solo, but I think you can guess differently. You know you cannot sign a blank contract.
Her fantasy is starting to unravel regard the nice easy divorce in which everyone is friends and will sit on the deck sipping iced tea together. Well, that was my W’s future looking vision. I think they share this common fantasy.
Keep this as a business deal. Continue to use a lawyer. Things are already in play so you might as well see them through. I’m not sure of the process where you live, what happens after discovery? Is there a separation order? A deadline?
Originally Posted by Hamburg
It is about to get ugly.
Most likely - yes it is.
Be careful about expectations. It is good that you are preparing for her to get worse. However, she may very well just fade away and not do anything. If you are expecting her to blow up and she doesn’t - you will resent it. I know sounds weird. She could do something “better” and you won’t want that.
Expectations prepare us, initialize us for a certain outcome. When that doesn’t happen, we don’t feel right. Keep expectations to zero. Or an other way - expect anything.
Nice to hear about the house offer.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
We have been separated for 4 months. My state does not recognize separation so we are still technically married. Temp orders are in place until mediation.
Her claim for this is lack of funds. I cannot imagine doing this without a L--for either side. Mediation is in her best interest, as going to trial would be costly and damning for her in other ways I cannot share here.
She realizes there is no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. In the past, she has asked for 90% of property and several thousands per month in spousal support. My state does not have alimony and spousal support will be near impossible for her to get. OM has no job and lives with his parents. I think it's about to come crashing down for her.
Keep in mind that they tend to "project" a lot of things on to the LBS. For example, her stating that you are playing games and being stubborn. Most likely she's the one that is attempting to move the chess pieces across the board in her favor. No one signs a blank contract. As for being stubborn, looks to me like the fantasy princess is the one being stubborn about a lot of things.
Continue as you have been. Listen to your lawyer. I think you have been and continue to be more than fair. As for the offer on the house...what did she not like about it? This may be something that can be pushed a bit w/the divorce decree. If she doesn't agree to sell, then you may want to speak to your lawyer about giving her the option of either burying you out within 90-120 days from the signing of the divorce decree or it's sold. She cannot have it all. She's going to find out that life isn't all about fairy dust and fantasy.
As for discovery, do you think that she will be able to prepare her responses to that? Keep your expectations at zero because I do not think she's going to life a hand to get this divorce done. Dig deeper for patience.
BTW, I think you've been handling your situation very well. I'm sure the birthday party will be a wonderful success.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Discovery is an expensive process but I don't want to leave any stone unturned. There is likely a trove of information that I don't know about, which will be beneficial to my case. She has 30 days to respond or face contempt of court.
I'm praying all goes well with the party. W met with her sister from out of town last week. W only stipulation was that she bring OM with her. The family does not like him. W parents are in town this weekend and I'm thinking she will attempt this with them. Last time it did not go well and parents left town.
In my case my XH got very angry- he expected he would get more- the only problem was he and OW were spending more money gambling, drinking ect than we had- and he ran out- Because he drained the funds in our business- he lost it and I got it. I restored it-
The D is a business deal and although things do get ugly, your main goal is to take care of you and the kids the courts will be fair- but I think most judges and L see this kind of stuff all day long, and they know the stories they understand MLC they see it everyday-
Hang in there and good luck at the party
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
In my case, my xh was okay until I had a draft separation agreement drawn up (per his instructions). Once he got the draft separation papers, he became a very angry man and stayed that way for about 5 years. He realized that he wasn't going to get everything his way. He thought he could dictate what he wanted and it would happen. He should have known that I wasn't going to roll over and give him whatever he wanted. He should have known that I had worked w/lawyers and used the law library whenever I wanted to look things up. I guess he "assumed" that I loved him enough to give him everything...he soon found out it didn't happen.
As Peace pointed out, the divorce is a business deal. It is dealing w/a contract that has been broken and now the parties involved have to come to the table and separate assets, etc. No one wins when this type of action takes place. Lawyers and judges see this behavior more and more. Some lawyers will say and do anything to keep the MLCer coming back and racking up billable hours. I hope your lawyer realizes that you mean business and not tolerate unnecessary expenses along the way.
Yes, it may get ugly. Strap yourself in and be prepared for a bumpy ride.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My L is one of the best in the city and can get aggressive. He is honest about expenses and very upfront about expectations. W is poorly represented and her L is not that experienced.
Yes, I feel she just expects to snap her fingers and make things happen. Doesn't want to do inventory on property, wants to drop L. Divorce is a tedious, dehumanizing process and I will not leave any stone unturned. I'll regret it the rest of my life if we don't go through things with a fine tooth comb. Somehow W doesn't see it that way.
I think they share this common fantasy.