Did they say that they had no love for you? That it was completely gone?
They all say "ILYBINILWY". I love you like I love a distant relative. But I'm not "in love" with you, and I don't think I ever have been. I definitely never will be again. THEY ALL SAY IT. Wolf, you have read DR haven't you?
Wolf...To me at least you have the correct definition of successful. No matter whether you and her get back together or not, you are being your best self and living your best life for you. Ultimately that is all you can control.
I'm happy that perhaps in some ways what I experienced in my sitch could be of help to others. I know my reading of the sitches of other vets on here did me a world of good as well.
Agreed with LH, justification is the reason. For my sitch my WW had to project her guilt on to me and make me the bad guy as it allow her to justify what she was doing without having to look within herself. As my IC said, inside she is likely a house of cards and simply can't afford for one card to shake lest the whole thing collapse. There is benefit in that for you. At some point she will be saying stuff that you will, once back to a point of balance, reflect on and say to yourself "Ok, that's just crazy!" When you have that "hey wait a minute" revelation, your feet are then set on the path to detachment.
Agreed with LH on how to be. You be a strong, confident, pleasant man. She wants out, all good, best of luck. Be the genuine best version of yourself. H**L and if she ain't looking at you, be aware maybe some other better lady for you is!
After my W "justified" all of my behaviors, what I did do and didn't do, and led me to believe to feel so much guilt over it, still to this day somewhat... A part of me realised my worth despite my short comings. The last time she brought this up. I responded: That must have been really hard for you, but who are you trying to convince? Me? Or yourself?
Thank you all for posting. I have read DR twice. It still just stings to hear those words. I am on here all the time, I want to be a DB pro like some of you. Is it bad that I am on here all the time reading? I am trying so hard to be the best that I can be. Again, I want to be a person only a fool would leave. I hope that my w will come around but If she doesn’t I will be ready for the next relationship, whenever that is. Ballast I’m still reading your situation and man, I feel like I am reading about myself. The roller coaster of emotions how much you just want one more chance. Something i read in your situation I was wondering. This question is for everyone, it’s about wearing my wedding ring. I was wearing for the entire time. But when she paid the mediator to get the paperwork going I took it off. It feels so weird and heartbreaking that this is where I am at. Do I put it back on? I guess the question I am asking what are the pros and cons to having it on or off?
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
There are no pros and cons to having it on or off. It is about what it means to you. My ex filed mine came off. It was at that point I decided my marriage was over so I removed my ring.
It is not bad that you are on here all the time. The frustration I sense with some of the posters is that you are getting advice and choose to ignore it. All your moves seem to be made out of fear.
There is no magic bullet. Ring on or ring off nothing changes. You have control in this process you just don't realize it yet.
Wolf as far as the ring goes, my opinion is that you do what YOU feel works for you. Myself sometimes I had it on, sometimes I had it off, just depended where my mind was at in my sitch. Some folks opinions are driven more by their sense of religion or vows or something beyond your own feelings and those are as equally valid. Bottom line the only one you have to answer to regarding your choice is you!
and in my situation it was less about one more chance and more like just a chance to hear what the H happened. I was for all intents and purposes completed ghosted and abandoned.
The only advice I did not agree with was moving back in and taking back the MBR. Only because she is buying me out soon, and to move back in to move back out in a month seems pointless. Other than that, I want advice I want to be the beat at DBing. I don’t mind the 2x4’s either. I want to do what works. What other decisions were made out of fear? I am just very confused on what to do sometimes. I hope I didn’t scare any vets away because they think I am not listening. If that is the case I am sorry to all and want to be on track!!!
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Ballast. As I read through your situation I had all the same feelings and comments. There is one thing you said that I say to myself everyday. Why couldn’t she just give it one more chance for the sake of marriage and our kids. Especially when she tells me she sees how I’ve changed, she just doesn’t think it will stay. So it’s better to get a divorce than try for the sake of family!!? Something else that resonated with me about your situation, my W can’t handle responsibility and she is always trying to run from being a mom and wife. Unfortunately for me the running from w is her wanting this divorce.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
I will say it one more time. You would have minimum 6 months left in the house. Now you can either sit around and complain that life isn't fair or you can formulate a plan to move forward.
How have you changed and please don't say your'e a better listener?
Thank you all for posting. I have read DR twice. It still just stings to hear those words. I am on here all the time, I want to be a DB pro like some of you. Is it bad that I am on here all the time reading? I am trying so hard to be the best that I can be. Again, I want to be a person only a fool would leave. I hope that my w will come around but If she doesn’t I will be ready for the next relationship, whenever that is. Ballast I’m still reading your situation and man, I feel like I am reading about myself. The roller coaster of emotions how much you just want one more chance. Something i read in your situation I was wondering. This question is for everyone, it’s about wearing my wedding ring. I was wearing for the entire time. But when she paid the mediator to get the paperwork going I took it off. It feels so weird and heartbreaking that this is where I am at. Do I put it back on? I guess the question I am asking what are the pros and cons to having it on or off?
You are married. You should wear your ring until you are no longer married.
AS far as reading here all the time, that is a good thing! Constant learning and self-improvement is a good thing. The cynical side of me thinks things like "I am preparing myself for the next BD!" In all seriousness, if I had remember DBing from the first second of BD my turnaround maybe would have happened even faster. Better yet, if I had remember DBing principles all along BD #2 may have never even occurred. So yes, keep reading. Keep learning.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
