Because I'm unfamiliar with your H's "norm" I'm just curious about the potential simple reasoning:
Is it possible that he misplaced his "regular" credit card, and used the joint one instead? It sounds like this is unlikely because perhaps he'd have alerted you if this was true. Or is it perhaps possible that he legitmately just pulled out the wrong card? I always keep certain cards in certain slots in my wallet. If I accidently swapped them I wouldn't notice if I used the wrong one because I move by habit.
You of course know him best, so you and Job are likely correct in this is some possible button-pushing.
BTW, I LOVED your first paragraph because it's just so accurate. I'm going to copy and paste it for when I'm wondering why things aren't staying the same. It's a reminder I need to expect change at every turn, and not sweat it.
Hi Yail, I do that stuff all the time. But no, this is not possible. Save a message he sent me through the card in Dec. 2016 (taking OW1 out to eat on our 25th Anniversary and using that card, despite having ceased using it at the beginning of the prior month), he has not used it as a regular card since early Nov. 2016. I don't believe it is in his wallet (I've been with him recently when he opened it) and if it is, it is a mistake that he has not made in 28 months. Hard to believe he would make that same mistake twice in under a week, while simultaneously sending up other smoke signals indicating that he was trying to get my attention.
Thanks guys for your support during my episode. Back to normal today. Great day. Got lots done. I think having a mini breakdown every once in a while can be quite cathartic.
Agree with you and job H is trying to get your attention
And totally agree that breaking down and letting it all out is d@mn good for the soul
Last edited by job; 03/21/1901:53 PM. Reason: edited a word
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
He has not contacted S in two weeks (he contacted him daily the week before). He never got back to me with the dates he wanted to see S (which he promised last week). Despite saying we could "get together" this week to discuss various items and complete taxes, he has not contacted me. He has not gone this long without contacting one of the kids or me since at least summer of 2017. I have only two days I can see him, and today is one of them.
There have not been further charges on my credit card, but he did pop up in my email from the OLD again (this is something he did a lot last summer during his cycling period). I had not gotten one of these things in several months.
The stuff he is doing now feels very similar to the stuff he did August-December of last year. The subtle/passive aggressive attempts to get me to contact him. When I last spoke to him (other than a brief exchange in the driveway) I asked him not to disappear on S again, he assured me he would not, and said he wanted to be in S's life. I can't help but feel even that is an attempt to get me to contact him.
He knows I want to discuss the sale of the house and "other things" which he has to know is separation/divorce. I made it clear we would do the taxes at the same time. He doesn't know it but the tax change resulted in a significant decrease in the amount of his withholding and as a result if we don't jointly file he is up you know what creek, whereas I get money back.
I've made it clear I had some things to discuss and would do the taxes at the same time. He said he could get together. He has now gone off the radar (though I confirmed he is not out of town). I don't feel like chasing him down to get this down (and frankly think if he is avoiding me it won't do any good anyway) and he will probably try to do it digitally (where he tends to be much meaner). S seems to be doing ok (at least as far as I can tell, but I don't want to bring it up in case he isn't really thinking about it).
Have to admit, I'm slightly worried about OD. So sick of his drama.
I may be wrong, but he's gone MIA because he knows that you want to have an adult discussion about the taxes and the sale of the home, as well as any other things related to a separation/divorce. He's going to "hide" until he thinks that you aren't focusing on a separation/divorce and the sale of the house. They do this quite often. He thinks, out of sight, out of mind and they bury their heads in the sand when it comes to doing what needs to be done.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well, it does rather work if you think about it. Sad if he has to avoid his son rather than just come and say what he wants to do, or even that he doesn't know what he wants to do. I just look at him as the gift that keeps on giving. I think the taxes will flush him out eventually. He hasn't gone complete lawbreaker yet.
I spoke too soon. Since I didn't b!tch at him about the last political contribution he has just done another (and from the looks of it, I'm guessing it will be a monthly recurring charge). I am literally laughing as I type this.
Job, you know how you've said sometimes they sneak back in. Could he be sneaking in through my bank account? Will the entirety of his check accidentally be deposited in my account next month?
They certainly have ways to "sneak" back in. Time will tell just what he's up to. You have to shake your head and laugh about some of the things that they do. They are so obvious at times.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, I am at a loss for how to deal with the latest. It doesn't upset me, hurt me, etc. I'm just so tired of games and trying to understand what he is doing here.
He promised to respond to my email with S's schedule (showing commitments and days off) through the start of school last week. I had asked him to pick some times he wanted to see S so I could make sure we didn't schedule anything else (and because I wanted him to see that S was going to be gone most of the summer so he could plan accordingly). In the interim I asked to meet about selling the house, taxes, and other stuff. He didn't send me the response about S. He said we could get together to discuss the things I wanted this week, but gave no days or times. He has not followed up about that.
So today he sends me a spreadsheet with his work schedule for the next several months. In the past, when he said he was done with OW1, he sent me his work schedule once or twice and then it became a state secret again. When he was circling in between OW1 and OW2 he sent me his work schedule, and then again I was not allowed to know that.
Why he would send me this now instead of answering the question of when he wants to see S is annoying. I'm quite sure he has other "commitments" than the exact times he is working. And, since he hasn't contacted S in weeks, suffice it to say that S is probably not his highest priority.
I don't know what to do. I hate this stupid game with his vague emails that tell me nothing. I don't want to have to keep communicating with him just to find out what day he can come or if he still plans to. I want to write and say why did you bother sending me your work schedule. How is that relevant to when you want to see S?
I should probably respond and say we can discuss when you come this week (hint hint you haven't said when). But why bother? Is he playing games with me trying to get me to chase him, or he is just depressed and incapable of performing simple tasks?
