Holy cow! It's Tad...

[tadpole1025]

Just a quick blurb....

I had breakfast with S26 this morning. The subject of XW came up and S26 says:

"I can't believe the way she talks to OM sometimes. Sometimes he'll say something and she really SNAPS back at him. She SNAPS at him for no reason at all."

Does that make me happy?

It shouldn't but.....

IT DOES.



BWAHAHAHA!

Maybe things are NOT so great in paradise?

Tad

[job]

Well the honeymoon stage is completely over and the true colors are beginning to show. No, things are not great in the land of fantasy paradise. Very, very seldom is it as great as we think it is.

Your son gave you a bird's eye view of what is going on over there. Be thankful she's not still living under the same roof w/you. MLCers living at home can try the patience of a saint and more.

Enjoy your day!

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Job. What son told me really doesn't surprise me at all. Matter of fact, I was kind of expecting it. The thing that surprised me was the fact that she did it in front of sons. Everything has always been about appearances with her. It surprised me that she let someone witness her "snapiness." I'm sure it is probably even worse when nobody is around. And yes, the honeymoon is most likely over.

Tad

[JujuB]

It will be more fun when you learn about one of them cheating on the other. My fingers are crossed for you. As for friendship, I am with you. Why would you want to be friends with someone that did that? It would be like someone being friends with their rapist!!!! Cheating, character assassination, financial ruin... that’s major abuse and would be illegal if done to a business partner.

You can’t betray an enemy though.

Good luck to you.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks JujuB.

Exactly! Why would I want to be friends with someone that did those things to me? Son has told her many times that I want nothing to do with her. She can't understand why. Unbelievable.

Tad

[tadpole1025]

Just pondering...

When all this started, we (spouses) are scrambling to do ANYTHING to convince them to stay.

Now, years later, some of them (mine included) want to be friends, but some of us (me included) want nothing to do with our MLCer.

I'm wondering how this makes them feel.

Thoughts?

Tad

[AndrewP]

One of my ex-wife's stated priorities during mediation was that she wanted us to "still be friends" - despite running off chasing after OM knowing the hurt that caused and also not having made any effort stay in contact with me - or for that matter her own children.

She reduced that to "be able to be at family events together like weddings" - which TBH I could probably manage now but at the time I couldn't imagine.

Speaking not specifically of MLC - which I have some doubts of as a diagnosis - but about selfish people who cheat - it has been my impression from reading and from the reactions of my ex that they don't want to be a bad person and they want acceptance for what they've done or better yet pretend that they didn't do that.

A cynic would think that part of "wanting to be friends" is a prelude to feeling us out to see if we can be drawn back in.

[exquisitetobe]

From what i know about the kind of person ex-h is and the person i am ( what ex-h knows of me, my beliefs, my values), he probably saw me on the shelf waiting for him. All the attempt he has made to be friend with me has backfired and angered him in disbelief that i could be so cold. Afterword, he justifies his betrail and reinforce his relationship to current OW until his unhappiness arise all over again. Then, another attempt occure.

Imo, it is a game pre-lost. By doing this back and forth of secrets, lies and deceit, it shows his lack of morals. He is currently going behind OW' s back and uses OW to "punish" me when i refuse to play.

He has voiced his remorse and regrets to the children for the pain he caused them but not to me.
My feelings, my life, my schedules, my wants and my needs are TOTALLY disregarded.
His image of the " good guy " is where it all lays down.

I was devastated 10 years ago and i feel bless now. Ex-h will never be a loyal, honest devoted husband. I do beleive he was for the most part of our 18 years together but not anymore to all his OWs. He needs admiration. If one does not fuel his ego, he' ll find his supply on the side.

It is repulsive to me. It make me see him with disgust and it make me feel shameful. The honest truth.

How does he feel? In front of me, like he is not good enough ( the tone of his voice, the sad look in his face ) and in front of OW , like he is king and has his [censored] together..
In front of the kids, back and forth between happy, sad, depress.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks AndrewP and Exquisitetobe.

they don't want to be a bad person and they want acceptance for what they've done

I totally agree. Everything has always been about appearances with XW. She wanted everyone to believe that "we just decided to get a divorce." She didn't want to be perceived as the bad guy. When all of this was going on, she even asked if I thought she was a bad person. Like I said, it's all about appearances.

It makes me see him with disgust.

Yep. I get disgusted every time I see XW. It is a shame really. I used to love her more than anything and would do anything for her....Now, she disgusts me. Again, sad.

Tad

[tadpole1025]

Couldn't sleep and had a thought:

Does anyone have any idea what goes through the MLCer's mind when they find out that the LBS wants nothing to do with them? I want nothing to do with XW really and according to son, she was "dumbfounded" that I felt that way. Is wanting to be "friendly" a type of reconnection or is that just for appearance sake? I got bomb drop 8 and a half years ago, so maybe her trip is over? Or maybe it will never end? Just wondering what really happened in that head of hers when she found out that this guy who would do ANYTHING to get her back now wants NOTHING to do with her. Thoughts?

Also, for those looking to GAL, try nature. I can't even put into words the joy that walking in the park or visiting the zoo brings me. It's good for the soul to get out and watch the birds. You can see a lot of truly amazing things if you just stop and take the time to look. I like to take pictures of them and never realized how pretty a bird as simple as a pigeon can be. I've always loved Bald Eagles and Humpback Whales, but since all of the craziness with XW started and I FINALLY worked up enough courage to get out and do things, I have started to realize that I like all nature. It's not just whales and birds. (I also think that the rats that I had helped a little too.) I sometimes think I missed my calling. Maybe I should have got into wildlife and skipped the radio career.

I've kind of become reclusive and don't have a whole lot to do with many people outside of work. Maybe that isn't healthy, but I'm okay with it. And, for the most part, I'm happy.

Anyways, sorry for the ramble.

Day by day peeps. It gets better.

Take the time to look.

Tad